Polyamory in the News
. . . by Alan M.



April 28, 2018

Atlantic video, "Couples Speak Honestly About Open Relationships"



Yes it's couple-centric, but that's because most of society is. A month ago The Atlantic put up a nice 6-minute film of people talking about their open and poly relationships. It's part of a collection of independently produced videos that the magazine curates. It seems to have grown legs, with 66,000 views so far. Several people have forwarded it to me.



From the text with it, Couples Speak Honestly About Open Relationships (March 30, 2018):


Polyamory. Ethical non-monogamy. Open relationship. There are many ways to describe the consensual choice a couple can make to live a non-monogamous lifestyle — and ever more ways to navigate it. Maria Rosa Badia’s new short film Polyedric Love [an obsolete spelling of polyhedric, many-sided] features honest conversations with couples about the rewards and challenges of their unconventional relationships.

“We’ve always been told that there’s this one way of being with someone, and if you retract from it, it’s not right societally,” says a woman in the film. “But if it’s right instinctually…”

Making the film was an eye-opening experience for Badia, who came to see non-monogamous relationships as an inspiration. ...


Amy Gahran, author of Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator, posted her evaluation:


Pros:
- Racially diverse
- Accessible to a mainstream audience
- Nicely produced
- Defines unfamiliar terms in a graceful way
- Addresses some negatives along with positives: supports believability.

Cons:
- Opposite-sex couples only.
- No age diversity; all subjects appear to be in late 20s-early 30s
- Completely couple-centric; reinforces the stereotype that polyamory = couple+
- Only pre-existing couples that had "opened up" are included. Other partners not included.
- No solo poly representation.
- Mentions hierarchical polyamory, but no egalitarian models.


Also, to the cons I'd add the irrelevant clickbait cover illustration that someone at The Atlantic stuck onto it: a matchstick demonstration of sex positions. This is a cynical treatment for heartfelt interviews about loved ones that contain barely a mention of sex. More evidence that that's the only thing some people can think of when seeing a nontraditional relationship.

I find this trivialization especially insulting because Badia dedicated the film to the life and memory of Yuanyuan Wang-Fiengold, who briefly appears in it.


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May 3, 2017

Video: Triad couple divorce so one can remarry their third, making them all legal parents for their kids


Barcroft Media, a UK company that produces video content for media outlets worldwide, has issued a dazzling 4-minute video that's now making the rounds. You could hardly imagine a happier promo for the possibility of finding a unicorn at the end of the rainbow. But here's the kicker: the couple who found her are throwing off their couple privilege in the most radical, legally binding way.



The blurb:


WHEN Cristina and Benno exchanged wedding vows, they never expected another woman would end their marriage. But 12 years later, the parents of three are getting divorced — so that their GIRLFRIEND won’t get jealous. Now either Cristina or Benno Kaiser will marry their 21-year-old lover, Sierra Kuntz, so that all three will have legal rights to their children.


Direct link to video (April 25, 2017). It's currently on Yahoo News, MSN, Barcroft Rumble, the UK's tabloid Sun (with lots of pictures), and a zillion other sites.

Remember, there is no piece of conventional poly wisdom that some people, somewhere, are not breaking successfully.

Here's the text that Barcroft supplies with the video, as it appears on the Sun's site:


Cristina Kaiser, 31, or her husband Benno, 37, will marry their 21-year-old lover, Sierra Kuntz, so that all three will have legal rights to their children

By Sarah Barns

WHEN Cristina and Benno Kaiser exchanged their wedding vows, they never expected another woman would end their marriage.

But 12 years later, the parents of three are getting divorced — so that their girlfriend won’t get jealous.

Benno, a legal assistant, said: “Cristina and I decided this was something that needed to be done in order for Sierra to understand the depth of how much we love her and want her to be part of our family.

Sierra, Benno, and Cristina
“The benefits of one of us marrying her are going to be on many different levels. She is going to be legally considered a parent to the children and, more importantly, it will show her that this is not a temporary thing, we both love her and it’s something that’s meant to be permanent.”

Cristina and Benno met in 2005 when they were both serving in the US military police.

They married four months later, and a year into their marriage they had their first child, Isaiah, now 11, and later, Rebecca, seven, and Brianna, six.

But eventually Cristina, who is bisexual, began to feel as though something was missing from her love life.

Cristina, also a legal assistant, said: “Initially, it was my idea to open the marriage. I brought it to Benno’s attention and told him I would like to introduce women to our relationship to see where it goes.

“Other than that, we had everything going for us. Three kids, a great relationship, and adding Sierra into our lives has just made it a hundred times better, I feel like I’m complete.”

The trio say their three children are happy with their unconventional setup.

Cristina met Sierra at a local shopping centre in Las Vegas. They went on a few dates and to Cristina’s delight, Sierra was willing to join her marriage.

Sierra said: “At first I was very hesitant about getting involved with a married couple. I was worried that I would be disposable and that this was a phase they were going through.

“But when I spent time with them I realised what they wanted and felt this was a situation I could work with, so I jumped on board.”

The relationship progressed and the three decided to take the next step in their ‘three-lationship’.

Benno said: “Sara and Cristina and I all clicked and — shortly after our first date — we knew that we were meant to be with her and that this was something we wanted to pursue.

“It was just the natural course to take — to have her move into the home.

“My feelings for the both are equal. I love them both without question. They are both very much part of my life and I couldn’t imagine living my life without either of them.”

And Benno says that the sexual side of the relationship is also equal — and adventurous. “We share a bed together, we share everything together, so since we met Sierra we have not had a night that we don’t all involve each other in some sort of sexual activity.

“It’s busy. There are lots of hands everywhere. The beauty of what we do is that we can have a very active sexual life and it’s completely safe and it’s with people that we love. I don’t ever have to worry about having a boring sex life 20 years from now when other couples or monogamous couples are. We have a lot of intimacy between all three of us.”

Since moving into the family home, Sierra has become the main caregiver for the trio’s children, staying at home while Benno and Cristina go out to work.

Benno said: “We had talked to our children before this and let them know we wanted to adopt someone and bring somebody into our relationship. Our children have been very supportive of this. They have understood.”

Now Sierra says she feels as much a mother to the children as Cristina, and the children even call her ‘mommy’. “I’m not jealous that the children are not biologically related to me at all. Just because I didn’t birth them doesn’t mean I can’t love them and they can’t love me. That doesn’t hinder my love at all for them.”

The trio admit they have problems like any other relationship.

Sierra said: “There is really not jealousy in our relationship. Sometimes we have a hard time communicating because there are three people instead of two, but we always work through it.”

Benno added: “We have always been the best in every situation and we always work through our problems. Everything is equal, so there is nothing to be jealous of. We are very happy with all three of us together.”

He added: “This lifestyle isn’t for everyone. There are a lot of people that are monogamous and are happy with just being with one person and that’s completely fine.

“Every one of us is different. But before you judge, take a look at our lives and see the benefit of it. I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.”


Update: In the reddit/r/polyamory comments about this post, people discuss whether divorcing and remarrying expands or reduces parental rights, and whether you can "just form an LLC" instead. As always, consult a lawyer in your state about a serious legal matter like this.

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September 18, 2014

Video: poly in Sydney, Australia


I'm noting this documentary video by a journalism student in Sydney, Australia, because at some point it took off, with 39,000 views so far. It's 28 minutes long and pretty good. By Simon Anderson. Enjoy.



Some more videos.

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August 9, 2014

Sexplanations sex-ed site does poly video segment


Clinical sexologist Lindsey Doe, who does the popular sex-ed vlog Sexplanations, put up an enthusiastic, fast paced Poly 101 video two days ago. Already it has 25,000 views. She mentions hosting poly potlucks and socials in Montana that have drawn close to 200 people.



At the video's YouTube page you can click on the transcript icon for a machine transcript of the text.

Looks to me like she took on-camera lessons from Laci Green, a fellow sex-ed vlogger who has almost a million subscribers. Green has done even better poly segments IMO on her own channel (335,000 views since 2011) and on Discovery News (135,000 views since 2013).

Here's a video interview with Dr. Doe about sex education and what it's like doing it on YouTube.

A YouTube search on polyamory turns up about 17,600 videos and 1,300 playlists (collections). Know any particularly good ones to recommend?

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February 26, 2014

It's out: "The Ethical Slut, an Alternative Love Story," the webseries.



Remember filmmaker Ben Fritz's Kickstarter campaign last year for his Ethical Slut webseries? Now you can watch all of Season 1.

Filmed in Madison, Wisconsin, it's "inspired by" the classic poly and open-relationship guidebook by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy (and has their blessing). Fritz and his crew have posted Season 1, with 12 short (mostly 5- to 8-minute) episodes. And, he announced earlier this month, "Season 2 is in post-production, and Season 3 starts filming this week!"

Trailer, aka Episode 1 (3:42):



Episode 2 (7:37):



Here are all episodes of Season 1.

Director's description:


Dotty, a marriage therapist, sees couples who don't appreciate each other. When her friend Jackie confesses to cheating on her husband, she's motivated to find alternative ways people organize relationships. Is it possible to have all the sex, love, and affection you can dream of, without the shame and guilt?

The Ethical Slut is the official handbook to polyamorous living. It's a no-holds-barred guide for anyone who dreams of a world beyond conventional relationships. A slut is anyone of any gender who has the courage to lead a life according to the principals that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. Dotty and Jackie, two friends in Madison, Wisconsin, find The Ethical Slut when they discover that convention relationships aren't working in their lives. Dotty, a marriage therapist, wants to find new ways of helping her clients organize satisfying lives and challenge herself to keep growing. Jackie, a successful real estate agent, has found a new zest for life in a newly awakened sexuality, but finds it conflicts with her old life. Together, with the aid of The Ethical Slut, they begin to explore the wide world or relationships, and the infinite possibilities. The series is shot in Madison, Wisconsin and many of Madison's favorite locations and businesses are represented. We are always seeking support and donations to keep our series going.


The show's Facebook page.

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