Welcome to Friday Polynews Roundup for June 26, 2020. Not a very busy
week this time. Here you go.
● Metro UK is Great Britain's largest-circulation
newspaper, with 1.3 million print copies distributed daily on public
transit and elsewhere. It has become rather obsessed with polyamory stories in
the last few years, no doubt responding to reader attention.
By Thom James Carter
My friend Astrid called.... She asked, ‘Have you met someone yet?’ When I
replied no, it was both truthful and a white lie. I hadn’t just met one man,
but two – and all three of us are now happily living the polyamorous life
together in lockdown.
...In winter last year, I met Adam through a gay app. ... We
realised we got on like a house on fire. That’s when Adam introduced me to
Steve, his boyfriend and suggested that if we got on well too, they could
transition from an open relationship to a three-person relationship that
None of us had ever tried polyamory before, but with open minds, we wanted
to explore if it could work. It did: I’d go over to their place on the
weekends, and they’d come to mine in the middle of the week. We even went to
Lisbon for a long weekend after Christmas. And it all
felt easier and far more natural than any of us had anticipated.
Four months later, countries began going into lockdown and it looked like
the UK would follow suit. Despite being fiercely independent (read: I lived
by myself) and an introvert who needs as much time alone as with
others, I discussed staying with Adam and Steve – who already lived together
– for its duration. Although I was initially worried I’d be a nightmare to
live with, as I’d gotten used to being on my own, what caused more distress
was the possibility of not seeing Adam and Steve....
So I grabbed my essential items, locked the door behind me, and went.
Ella Byworth/ MetroUK
...What’s surprised me most, as somebody who had previously only
practiced monogamy, is the utter absence of jealousy. Open displays
of affection between Adam and I, or Adam and Steve (and so on), aren’t met
with a withering glance from the other person as if to say: ‘Why aren’t I
involved?’ Acts of displaying love are encouraged — as they should be. (And,
yes, the same sentiment applies to sex: It happens as-and-when, with any one
of us, and without a scoreboard being kept.)
...Polyamory has its positives when it comes to the more mundane parts of
life, like household chores. In my previous monogamous relationships,
there was always a tit-for-tat game of ‘I cleaned the bathroom so it’s your
turn to do the kitchen!’ What makes it much simpler as a throuple, I guess,
is that our domestic activities don’t rely on two people equally pulling
their weight, but rather three.
...It’s been like a Big Brother-esque experiment to see if three gay men’s
relationship could thrive during a pandemic. And it has. The occurrence of
Covid-19 and the subsequent lockdown has provided many of us with the chance to re-evaluate our lives and reflect.
... Now we know we live well together, there’s the strong possibility that
living under one roof will continue long after the pandemic.
I’ve been polyamorous for nearly 20 years. Non-monogamy is all
I’ve known, and normally I don’t like to define things in a hierarchy,
with a primary partner and secondary partners. To me, part of the point of
having open relationships is that you leave the paddock unfenced. Things
go how they go.
But I live with my girlfriend and no one else, so once the lockdown
started in Victoria, we found ourselves in social isolation together. At
first, I found it confronting to be thrust into what felt like forced
monogamy. 'Coronogamy,' I called it – coronavirus-induced monogamy.
...This felt different and inorganic. Though ultimately, we decided
ourselves that we wouldn’t see other people for a bit, I resented feeling
like the state had steered me into precisely the kind of relationship
hierarchy I’d spent so long trying to avoid.
There’s a lot of advice out there for people who are ‘opening up’ their
relationship – not so much, it seems, for what to do if you’re ‘closing
...As a queer person of colour who relies on a lot of different people for
care and support, I winced at how government responses reinforced the
nuclear family as the primary organising unit of society. It made me think
of that poster by Deborah Kelly and Tina Fiveash that shows a white family
eating sandwiches: ‘Hey hetero, when they say family, they mean you!’ Very
quickly, we saw how lockdown laws targeted communities that are already
overpoliced while wealthy neighbourhoods received few fines. ...
...While time was disintegrating, space was also warped. Everywhere
outside my flat seemed more or less equidistant, so I took that as a sign
that I should put more effort into my neglected transnational friendships.
As a genderfluid person, I relished how cybersex let me build my body
and I discovered that the lockdown could be weaponised in all sorts of fun
and kinky scenarios. It’s a good time for anyone who gets off on
But quarantine can also trigger its own special brand of dissociation
and dysphoria. When everything is unreal and endlessly deferred, it’s
all too easy to ghost on yourself. Some days I seem to just disappear.
● Buried down in my long post last week was an aside linking to
resources for building a responsible poly bubble.
Especially if you
might share or advise about that to a group. From Steve Ks in Vancouver,
Latido Films, Amazon Prime Video, and Vértice Cine have boarded
Spanish filmmaker Fernando Colomo’s comedy project “Poliamor para principiantes” (“Polyamory for Beginners, or a Swindlers’ Hot Dream”). ...The
film will begin shooting in early October. ...Amazon Prime Video has
acquired Spanish TV rights....
...“Colomo has a very intelligent take on the transformations of
Spanish society and knows how to sharpen its contradictions,” said Latido
Films CEO Antonio Saura.
...[Producer Álvaro] Longoria added:
“Polyamory is a reality that affects societies around the world, but in this
case it’s told from Spain, a country full of taboos and once highly
That's Polynews Roundup for now. See you next week. Be safe, dear
Labels: Covid-19, Friday Polynews Roundup