Friday Polyamory News Roundup: "Everything You Need to Know About Polyamory," and how the public education machine is running by itself
|Dainis Graveris / Unsplash|
Everything You Need to Know About Polyamorous RelationshipsIncluding the most common myths about polyamory and best practices for entering into a polyamorous agreement
StocksyBy Maressa Brown | Dec 25, 2020If you’ve spent even a few minutes on a dating app these days, chances are you’ve encountered profiles that disclose some form of consensual non-monogamy. ...“Polyamory is a form of consensual non-monogamy that emphasizes emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy to whatever desired degree in an ongoing way among multiple partners,” explains Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE, author of The Polyamorists Next Door, who explains that often the goal for polyamorous people is to have long-term, emotionally intimate relationships with multiple people.People in polyamorous relationships are open to bonding intimately — be that sexually and/or romantically — with multiple people.... [Says] Casey Tanner, certified sex therapist and expert for LELO who works with many polyamorous couples, “Successful polyamory is guided by explicit consent to what kind of romantic and/or sexual relationships are explored outside of the relationship at hand. These agreements exist to keep each member of the relationship physically, emotionally, and sexually safe such that partners can truly lean into experiences within those boundaries.”Unlike an open relationship — in which committed partners might agree to green light dating, sex, or other types of bonding outside of their relationship — a polyamorous relationship is marked by more relational commitment, says Shannon Chavez, Psy.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles. “There can be different levels of commitments and different levels of intimacy,” she notes. For instance, some relationships might be based strictly on sex while others are based on an emotional connection or both physical and emotional intimacy.It also bears noting that many polyamorous people find support from building a sense of community with other polyam people, either online or locally. “It is much more than who you are having sex with or having another relationship,” says Chavez. “The lifestyle is an important part of polyamory.” ...
Although awareness about polyamorous relationships is growing, plenty of misconceptions abound. A few of the most common myths, busted:...There’s always one primary couple. ...Polyamorous people have wild sex lives. ...Practicing polyamory will save a monogamous relationship. ...Polyamorous people are “greedy” and “boundaryless.” ...There is only one way to be polyamorous. ..Just like other marginalized groups, people misunderstand the polyamorous community to be homogenous, or one-size-fits-all, says Tanner. “When people picture a polyam person, they might think of a youthful, queer artist type with no kids and no mortgage,” she says. “In reality, polyamory occurs throughout the lifespan and includes people of all professions, family constellations, sexual orientations, and socioeconomic statuses.”...Some people come to polyamory after having been in monogamous relationships in the past and finding that they were not getting their needs met, says Chavez.But that’s far from the only path to practicing what Chavez calls a relationship orientation. People are realizing that they knew from the beginning of their relationships that they could — and would prefer to — be in love with more than one partner at a time....Either way, polyamorous people realize that they are someone who could love multiple people and enjoy multiple relationships...---------------------------If you’re just beginning to practice polyamory, Tanner recommends making the following moves:Address transparency. Answer questions like what do you want to know about the other’s outside relationships, and how much detail do you want to provide/be provided with?Discuss frequency. Talk about the frequency with which you’d like to engage in other relationships and the ways in which you’ll continue to be intentional with bringing energy to the relationship at hand.Talk about “coming out.” Decide which people in your life you feel comfortable “coming out” to about polyamory, and make sure you’re on the same page. ...
1) Practice total honesty. ...2) Conduct regular relationship evaluations. ...3) Set clear rules and boundaries. ...4) Talk through jealousy. ...5) Don't rely on one another for everything. ...6) Be vigilant about safe sex. ...
Dainis Graveris / UnsplashBy Ossiana M. Tepfenhart...Things started to change around the time I was in high school.I, along with many others, started to hear about relationships with more than one person. ... I quickly learned about polyamory and realized that I'm not entirely monogamous by nature.
Dainis Graveris / UnsplashPoly relationships can take a wide range of different appearances...When Does Polyamory Work?From what I've seen, poly relationships only work for a very select few people. They work for people who are not monogamous by nature, have the ability to be radically honest with their partners, and have a high level of emotional maturity.Most people cannot be good poly partners, simply because the tendency towards being jealous or envious can make insecurity too much of an issue. With that said, if you're confident and open, it's possible to make things work out well.Why Do People Choose To Be In Poly Relationships?...The Extra Love ...The Variety-Filled Sex ...More Resources ...Why Polyamory Is Not For Everyone, But Should Still Be Accepted....
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Labels: Friday Polynews Roundup, Poly 101