Solopoly stories in the media this week, how to tell your own story and get paid, and more.
Fifteen years ago I was saying that this consensual multi-relationship thing really turns heads, and that media were beginning to wake up to the fact. Well yup. Here it is 2022 and they can't get enough.
● A Gen-Z targeted site called Screenshot ("New conversations for and from the new generation. ... learn what we can do for your brand") spotlights a rising music/TV personality and influencer: How Willow Smith’s solo polyamory may have paved gen Z’s way into ‘relationship anarchy’ (Jan. 11)
Willow Smith / InstagramBy Svetlana OnyeThrough solo polyamory—that is, having multiple intimate relationships while maintaining an independent single freedom—women are experiencing a self-love like no other. ...Willow Smith, pop punk singer and black alt-girl icon, has openly talked about belonging to the polyamorous community while routinely sharing Instagram posts on what polyamory is all about. More and more women seem to be defying the status-quo of what a relationship should look like, and as ‘relationship anarchy’—don’t worry, I’ll explain soon enough—becomes a more common reality for the younger generation, it seems that it’s time to seek relationships that work for you....The singer appears to have never shied away from the topic and shares daily posts about solo polyamory in particular and what loving multiple partners entails. With a follower count of 9.7 million fans, it’s clear that the youngest Smith wants to educate people on a mode of loving that is often stigmatised.... One of those followers who Smith successfully educated was myself....It is unsurprising why this particular style of polyamory has become increasingly popular among women, specifically women of colour (WOC). Self-titled ‘Sex Positive Asian Auntie’ Jayda Shuavarnnasri, a sexuality and relationship educator, shared similar sentiments on her own platform, telling her followers that being solo poly meant that she is “experiencing myself, centring myself and choosing myself every day.” ......What we are seeing with the younger generation today are rapidly evolving ideas of relationships. From platonic partnering to solo polyamory, relationship anarchy is truly in action as many continue to redefine the boundaries of friendships or the openness of love.
...“Solo poly is a relationship type where a person chooses not to have any primary partners—more specifically, partners that we get on the relationship escalator with,” explains Zhana Vrangalova, PhD.... Solo poly people have no desire to “live together with a partner, get married, have kids, join finances....”...It's also different from "dating around" the way a non-poly person might. When someone is simply "dating around," they typically have a string of connections until they find the "one" and proceed to settle down with them. A solo poly person has no desire to settle down with one (or multiple people) anytime soon....We spoke to four people who proudly identify as a solo polyamorist: Jack, 34; Collin, 39; Phoenix, 33; Carlos, 26. Here’s what they had to say. ...
- Parallel Poly– all the partners acknowledge each other’s existence but live entirely separate lives.
- Garden party poly– partners are able to engage in friendly interactions at social functions or on social media, but don’t share a great deal directly.
- Kitchen table poly– named after the idea that all one’s partners would be able to comfortably sit around the kitchen table; the assumption that metamours would be friends with each other.
- Lapsitting poly– a more engaged version of kitchen table poly, where metamours in a polycule develop entanglements and relationships of their own.
We asked the members of the BuzzFeed Community to share their stories and advice about their experience being in a three-person relationship (aka a throuple). Here are some of their most engaging and insightful replies. ...
My 30-year-old daughter is in a polyamorous relationship with a married man. She brought him home for the holidays, and while he was charming, I felt uncomfortable. (This may have been triggered by my husband’s infidelity that led to our divorce.) Now, my daughter tells me she would like to bring this man on our family trip to Greece this year. It may be petty, but I don’t want to foot the bill for another woman’s husband. And I don’t see any way this relationship can lead to my daughter’s happiness. ...MOM...Let’s put aside the trip to Greece and the specter of your cheating ex. Unlike him, people in polyamorous arrangements usually set ground rules with their partners for opening their relationship to others. (No one is cheating!) Try to understand, as best you can, what your daughter likes about this arrangement and how it satisfies her.As a show of respect, read up on polyamory before you broach the subject with her. Then ask questions. I am not suggesting that you set aside all of your concerns — only that you try to respect your adult daughter’s decisions. ...
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Labels: #polyactivism, #SnugglePilePoly, #Solopoly, activism, solo poly
I read the NYT's letter and response. I'm curious as to why you think that this is a secret relationship. There's nothing to indicate that the relationship is a new one. From what is written, it could have been going on for a while (especially if enough time has past for the mother to transfer the reason for the breakup of her own marriage to her thoughts on the poly dynamic her daughter is in). If the boyfriend comes over for the holidays and is willing to go on a long-distance trip with the family, it seems more likely that it's a normal healthy polyamorous dynamic and not someone cheating on their spouse.
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