The poly media pileup in the last few days
Jaiya, Jon and Ian continue their TV appearances with a first-rate Valentine's Day segment on their local Los Angeles CBS affiliate. Jaiya calls it "one of my favorite interviews thus far on my polyamorous relationship."
1 Woman, 2 Men In A Polyamorous Relationship Raising A Child In Topanga
TOPANGA (CBS) — “Three’s Company” is not just a TV show; it is the way some people are living. They are having multiple, intimate relationships at the same time and everyone involved knows about each other. It’s called polyamory.
We spoke with a polyamorous family — one woman and two men — living under the same roof and raising a child.
“I get to live my life in a way that is extraordinary. I get to be who I want to be and experience what I want to experience,” Jaiya Ma said.
Ma, 34, has been in a relationship for a decade with Jon Hanauer, a 49-year-old heterosexual.
“Oh yeah, It’s kind of mind boggling,” Hanauer said about his love for Ma.
Then there is Ma’s more recent boyfriend, 44-year-old Ian Ferguson, who is also heterosexual.
...When it comes to providing for the unit, Ferguson’s furniture design business pays the bills. Hanauer takes care of Eamon and chores at home, which allows Ma, a renowned sexologist, to focus on her career.
[Coming out of past hard times,] perfect is how this family sees life right now. As in any normal household, there is always a struggle to find balance. But for this polyamorous family, they said the key is in living with an open heart.
“I think some of the benefits of polyamory, that I think anyone in monogamous relationship can use learn from and use, is great communication.”...
Watch it (4:24), and read the whole article (Feb. 14, 2012).
In Chicago, the free daily paper RedEye (a youth-market spinoff from the Chicago Tribune; circulation 250,000) reports:
Local polyamorous community ditches monogamy for honesty
By Taylor Ervin
Rivanna Jihan won't be celebrating Valentine's Day this year, but that's not because she doesn't have a significant other to spend it with. In fact, she has more than one.
The 33-year-old school teacher from Chicago's South Side identifies as polyamorous, a practice where individuals maintain multiple intimate romantic relationship at a time and where all parties involved are open and honest. And all that love has her convinced that Valentine's Day is just like any other day.
..."Jealousy doesn't make any sense to me. I can't really wrap my head around it." Jihan said "I can wrap my head around being insecure, or being afraid, or being angry or these other sort of singular emotions, but the idea of jealousy, which is sort of a conglomerate of emotions, it doesn't work for me because when my partner is interested in someone else, I encourage that."
According to Ph.D sexologist Leanna Wolfe, Jihan's feelings are not unique. Members of polyamorous relationships often operate under an idea called compersion, which is essentially the polar opposite of jealousy.
"It's a state of empathetic happiness practiced by poly-people who have loving feelings towards one partner engaging other people erotically or romantically," Wolfe said.
Because most long-term monogamous relationships battle with a least a little infidelity at some point, polyamorous people choose to circumvent all the lies and the cheating and just thrust everything out into the open.
For Jihan, though, polyamory is not something that she chose; it's something that just happened. As far back as she can remember Jihan has always found herself falling in love with multiple people at the same time.
"That was always the big question for me," Jihan said "Why is it that if I'm in love with you I can't also love someone else or why is it that if I tell you that I love someone else it means that I love you less or that I can't love you anymore."...
...According to Kevin [who wished to keep his last name anonymous], organizer of the Polyamory Under-40 Meetup Group and co-organizer of the Chicago Polyamory Meetup Group, the groups get a lot of attention from people who are just looking to hook-up or snag some guilt-free sex, but that's not what the group is about. The group is focused primarily on building relationships.
"Our group is open to all who are poly and poly friendly," says a disclaimer on the Chicago Polaymory Meetup Group's website, "but this is not a hook-up group. It is not dedicated per se to other manifestations of non-monogamy and human sexuality such as swinging and recreational sex."
Jihan has run into similar problems in her personal life when potential partners approach her with a skewed idea of what it means to be polyamorous....
...Fed up with monogamy and looking to get in on the fun too? Make up for your lackluster Valentine's Day and check out the Chicago Polyamorous Meet-Up group's combination Valentine's Day/Mardi Gras party Friday, Feb. 17.
The whole article (Feb. 14, 2012).
Spanning the mountainous border of inland North and South Carolina, the CBS affiliate WSPA TV-13 aired Untraditional Love: Polyamory (Feb. 13, 2012) about a man known online as MonkeyCouple. In contrast to the other local-TV treatments in the last few days, this one has a grittier, darker look. MonkeyCouple appears with a blurred-out face talking about his swinging background and high sex drive. Accordingly, the camera pans over a bunch of swinger-looking magazines. They do not look attractive. A glance at his website shows that the area has a very active swinging underground. But he tells how he wanted more: "Poly-mory is primary about the relationship, and secondary would be the sexuality.... If you have a wonderful relationship, again, it's always based on 100 percent honesty." He and his partner do not currently have a third, but "she or he will come."
Note: If the camera is going to do closeups of your anonymous fingers working the touchpad, it would be useful to clean your fingernails.
CNN online featured a lightweight, what-people-do-on-Valentine's-Day article, but it ends with a twist: polyactivist Joreth Innkeeper and her squiggle of intimates. Joreth is honcha of the Polyamory Media Association (which would tell you to clean your fingernails before allowing hand shots, and can otherwise help you take control of your image on camera). Joreth is also Miss Poly Manners on Cunning Minx's Polyamory Weekly Podcast and is speaking at the upcoming Atlanta Poly Weekend March 911.
Not every relationship fits into one of those categories, but that doesn't mean nontraditional lovers don't want to celebrate their relationships just like the rest. Take, for example, polyamorous "families," which consist of multiple romantic partners, from as few as three to north of 20 in some instances.
"Each of my partners is like those in any monogamous relationships," said Joreth, a representative of the Polyamory Media Association, which provides members of the press with information and spokespeople on how polyamory works. "There's really no difference between how I feel about my current partners or how we relate to each other. The only difference is I didn't have to break up with one to start the other."
Joreth, her three male partners and their additional "metamors" are going out for dinner at a nice steakhouse in Tampa, Florida. All told, there will be six of them around the table.
"I don't personally observe Valentine's Day, but my partners' other partners do," she said. "The holiday's not important, but making my loved ones feel that I care about them is important."
Read the whole article: From DINKs to polyamory, the guide to how people spend Valentine's Day (Feb. 13, 2012). (DINKs are Dual Income No Kids.)
In Nine to Five, a newspaper of downtown Sydney, Australia:
What it feels like for a (polyamorous) girl
By Alyson Katz
For some of us, Valentine’s Day is a little more challenging than for others.
...However you run your life, the important thing is to discuss it all in advance. You’ll save a lot of heartache if everyone has a clear understanding that today, you’ll be with the person you live with, on Wednesday you plan a movie and moonlight walk with your other main lover and on Saturday you’ll attend a Valentine’s party with a new person you’ve seen a couple of times.
Of course, being “poly” (as it’s known) doesn’t mean you don’t ever get jealous or envious. Special holidays can highlight where you are in a love hierarchy which you can pretend isn’t there the rest of the year.
Poly relationships come in many shapes and sizes....
The whole article (Feb. 12, 2012).
On a more serious level, from the Sex at Dawn lead author: Bonobo Love: Valentine's Advice From Christopher Ryan. Here's your succinct, non-woowoo summary of what this bonobo stuff is all about. Bookmark it to send to anyone who wonders. (Feb. 14, 2012).
Also, notice this reference in it:
As James Prescott demonstrated in a meta-analysis of all available anthropological data, the connection between less restrictive sexuality and less conflict generally holds true for human societies as well.
For more than 30 years, I have considered Prescott's research results on this to be the most important human-sciences finding anywhere that remains under-reported to the public. Prescott's original paper; wider sources.
And finally, a vacation getaway in the U.K. pitched to triples:
Romantic break for threesomes
A luxury Lake District hotel is offering a romantic break especially designed for threesomes.
Gift website Wish.co.uk is offering the one-night stay at Windermere Suites, a five-star bed and breakfast in the heart of the Lake District.
The three guests will get a weekend in the luxurious room for the princely sum of £399, reports Metro.
The hotel will even provide a triple breakfast in bed, so there's no need to even leave the room in the morning.
Extra luxury touches include free champagne and chocolates, and a king-size bed decorated with rose petals.
Apparently such offers are common overseas, but have never been provided let alone encouraged in Britain, according to Wish.co.uk co-founder Richard Kershaw...."
Source, with an image of the ad (Feb. 13, 2012).