New movie The Invite: "the representation we've been waiting for"? Two new polyam novels. The 3 most common reasons polyamory fails. And other poly in the news.

First: The international Week of Visibility for Non-Monogamy is coming up July 6-12 courtesy of OPEN, the increasingly well-established Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-mononogamy. Plan your own local educational event, party, talk at the library, booth in the park, or other event, either in-person or virtual, with OPEN's help and publicity.

Meanwhile, June is Pride Month. Join (or create!) a poly contingent in your local pride parade with OPEN's help, and find those already happening.

On Pennsylvania Avenue in DC, June 2025

____________________________________________________

●  In other news, Hazel Park, Michigan now makes nine US cities and towns that have passed legal protections and/or recognition for polyamorous or other chosen-family households. Michigan city first in the Midwest to shield polyamorous relationships (The Detroit News, June 12, paywalled). Hazel Park, population 15,000, is an inner-ring suburb of Detroit.

By Peg McNichol

Hazel Park city council unanimously agreed on Tuesday to update its human-rights ordinance by adding familial status, family or relationship structure.

The expanded civil rights protection includes multigenerational families, stepfamilies and, yes, polyamorous relationships. Polyamorous is the term for people who consent to being involved in multiple simultaneous romantic or sexual relationships.

Hazel Park is the first community in Michigan and in the Midwest and the ninth in the nation to protect family structure from discrimination. There are no federal or state laws that extend civil rights protection for familial status, family or relationship structure. ...

Councilman Luke Londo sponsored the updated ordinance....

●  They All Fall in Love at the End is the title of Haili Blassingame's new novel, out this month, about something she knows: a strong Black woman's wrestle with getting polyamory to function in DC's Black community. It's loosely based on her slightly younger self.  From the publisher's summary:

Friends and family urge her to just be happy with Jay, but Cat is determined to have it all—or blow up her life trying. As she falls for all the wrong people, racking up lies, betrayals, and terrible drafts of her novel, she tries to write her way to a happy ending. But in art, politics, and love, true liberation may take more than rewriting the old scripts. It may mean inventing something entirely new.

In an NPR  interview with Juana Summers, New novel explores the messy middle of living a non-monogamous life (June 3), Blassingame has this to say:

...To return to this question of, like, the types of stories that get told around polyamory, I wanted to see someone wrestling with it as a paradigm and as, like, a relationship modality, not simply as, hey, girl, there's this crazy thing I'm doing. And I think we typically talk about it as being antagonist to monogamy or an answer to monogamy rather than just simply a different way of loving. And I think you almost have to -- you have to unlearn and then relearn in order to practice it in the way that -- I mean, I don't want to say should practice it, 'cause you can practice it in many different ways.

SUMMERS: Right.

BLASSINGAME: But, like, you know, if you have zero models or zero examples of it, I mean -- and you find this a lot in the queer community, too. It's like you're building something from scratch. And I wanted to get into that piece of it, not just as a salacious plot point, but actually as, like, a philosophical relationship paradigm. ...

Read partway into the book.

NPR's lost its federal funding to Trump, resulting in newsroom layoffs and closed stations. But that meant he lost a means of control. NPR no longer has to look over its shoulder toward the White House about what it chooses to cover. Donate here.

●  Another new semi-autographical book, Waist Deep, is by a Danish poly mom in a mono-poly FF marriage. Now it's just been published in the US. New York Times review: ‘Could Love Be Freer?’ A Tale of Polyamory, in Literature and Life.  The Danish writer Linea Maja Ernst’s debut novel, “Waist Deep,” a hit in Europe, explores the flirtations and frustrations within a millennial friendship circle.

From the publisher's description:

. . . But the idyll is fragile. Lost without the uninhibited magic of their youth, Sylvia is left wondering what happened to the radical ways of living they embraced at university. Tensions rise under moonlit swims and wine-drenched dinners, and Sylvia is stunned to learn her old crush Esben will be getting married at the end of the week—a crush her monogamous girlfriend would definitely not approve. While the group sunbathe, cook, and flirt their way to midsummer night, new desires prove not everyone has left their arcadian fantasies behind.

An instant bestseller in Scandinavia and now translated into ten languages, Waist Deep is a modern Midsummer Night’s Dream that offers a provocative flourish to the perennial question: does growing up have to mean giving up on your dreams?

●  Accurate poly education continues to flow in the mainstream, alongside clueless mass-market misconceptions that lead wishful-thinkers into trouble.

On the good side, a poly-friendly family therapist with a big global platform warns of the commonest routes to failure: As a psychologist, I’ve seen that polyamory doesn’t fix relationships – it reveals them. (The Guardian, March 1) 

(The article used an antique photo of a Victorian
poly-ish picnic. Glasshouse Images/Alamy)

By Carly Dober

The success of any relationship hinges on the same pillars of trust, respect, honesty and shared values. Polyamory simply tests their integrity daily.

Emilio* and Jessica* sat in front of me, disconnected and barely looking at each other. They had been together for seven years and had recently opened up their relationship and tried polyamory, upon Emilio’s suggestion. Jessica agreed to this, but it was not her first choice for how she wanted the relationship to be. They were now in a crisis, as betrayals and secrets had occurred before and during the attempts at this new relationship configuration.

...We discussed that the foundational principle of successful non-monogamy is radical transparency. Everything must be on the table from the start, with the understanding that the conversation never truly ends. As feelings evolve about a new partner, an old dynamic, or something else, so must the dialogue. This is sometimes where the theory crashes into the reality of human emotion.

I have witnessed too many couples where one partner, often after discovering polyamory as a concept, presents it as an ultimatum. ... The coerced partner, in a desperate bid to preserve the relationship at their own expense, may concede before being psychologically or emotionally ready. The result is often anxiety, jealousy, depression and self-doubt, masquerading as progressive enlightenment. Jessica saw herself in this description.

A firm, shared understanding of the spirit of ethical polyamory is non-negotiable. It is the autonomy, honesty and abundant care that must extend to all partners. In clinical intervention, we start by exploring the existing relationship. ... It must be understood by all parties that cheating is not polyamory. Identifying as polyamorous does not retroactively excuse deceit, as Emilio was attempting to do.

We then explore motivations and potential red flags, which are often magnified in polyamorous contexts. ...

Read on. It's couple-centric, but again, that's where most people are. More than half the adults in the US are in cohabiting couples per US census data.

●  A similar take, though deeper into couple-centrism: The 3 Most Common Reasons Open Relationships Fail (Vice, Feb. 23).

Open relationships get pitched as the brave, evolved option, like you can just add a few extra people to your love life the way you add toppings to a pizza. Then real life arrives. ...

Sex researcher Dr. Justin R. Garcia, executive director of the Kinsey Institute, told Business Insider [Feb. 21, paywalled] that three factors keep pushing couples back toward monogamy.

First, the emotional bandwidth problem. Garcia said, "...You can want the fantasy of being chill and limitless, then find out your feelings don’t scale the way you wanted them to."...

Second, the workload. People hear “open” and imagine freedom. A lot of the day-to-day reality is coordination, check-ins, and a ton of negotiation. ...“Even casual polyamorous encounters take substantial effort and negotiation,” he said. That negotiation can be healthy. It can also be exhausting....

Third, the “this will fix us” trap. ...Garcia [says] non-monogamy works well for some people, and some couples build real stability there. “While consensually open relationships might not work for everyone, or even for most people, there are many people for whom they do work perfectly well.”

The least sexy truth is also the most useful one. Monogamy can be a preference, not a failure. Plenty of couples try something new, learn what it costs, then pick the version of commitment they can actually live with.

And he didn't even mention the unicorn fantasy. If you are a couple and expect to treat a third person as disposable, choose someone who understands and wants that exact role. Talk it out with them first! In the immortal words of Granny Weatherwax,

"Sin, young man, is when you treat people as things."

●  My guess is that most attempts at poly relationships fail, for some definition of "fail." Especially now that the poly idea has gone mass-market, which means downmarket. So many people for whom this is just wrong try it frivolously — with poor advance study, lousy communication, and inadequate shared prep. Or no deep, safe communication between each other at all.

Or, any grasp of the many other cultural assumptions among normals that will need to be examined and shed. Please get the message out: Poly is not for everyone.

And anyone will start disadvantaged without access to good, experienced poly community. You need community. You learn so much from real-life examples of the successful and experienced, and from others' mistakes.

I'm still proud of my bandwagon speech /warning from the Poly Pride stage in Central Park nearly 20  years ago.

●  In this vein Cosmopolitan, always on the lookout for trends, thinks it sees one: Why Is Non-Monogamy Getting So Much Backlash Again? (UK edition, June 18).

"The communication and empathy that’s meant to define ENM appears to have been thrown out of the window in favor of secrecy, selfishness, and a pressure to repress feelings.

By Brit Dawson

... “It’s the enshittification of relationships. The idea that you should fuck more people and want less from them,” says Bea. “It’s hook-up culture cloaked in therapy speak. There’s a lot of pressure on people, especially women in monogamous relationships, to erase their boundaries to make their partner happy.”

Therein lies the key to non-monogamy: if both partners don’t enter the arrangement willingly, even with equal enthusiasm, it’s likely not going to work. And yet, many feel they should embrace the opportunity if it arises, either to appease their partners or wider communities. ... But, says Bailey, the flip side is that it “paints those who engage with monogamy as lesser-than, uneducated, or complicit—and that can easily sway someone into feeling guilty for their own dating preferences”.

...But for many couples [sic] it does work—and far better than any attempts at monogamy have served them in the past. Leanne Yau, a polyamory educator known as Poly Philia, who’s been non-monogamous for 10 years, credits her relationship structure with giving her “flexibility and freedom, independence to explore [her] own desires, and emotional awareness.” Yau believes the backlash largely stems from “the internet loving to sensationalize everything”. “I think non-monogamous people are being scapegoated for a lot of dating frustrations,” something she believes “contributes to an existing narrative that polyamorous people are irresponsible cheaters who can’t control themselves and will take advantage of you, which is not the case.” For Yau, being non-monogamous “makes [her] a better person and partner.”

For Bea, it’s a case of start as you mean to go on. “A lot of the messiness between the pro- and anti-crowd comes from people using non-monogamy to soft-launch a break-up, or to not lose access to their emotional safety blanket while they fuck hotter people,” she says, advising: “Don’t get into a monogamous relationship and ask to open it up; likewise, don’t ask a poly person for exclusivity.”

There’s no doubt that some people are abusing the idea of non-monogamy—and its cultural cachet in certain circles—to get away with bad behavior. There’s also likely a lack of individual research into and understanding of non-monogamy, particularly among younger people who are experimenting in fledgling relationships, which can see them enter into agreements without being fully prepared for the reality of them. ...

●  But success stories also abound. A solopoly tale: How Polyamory Helped Me Love Myself Better (in GO magazine, "the cultural roadmap for city girls everywhere," Feb. 14.)

A couple of years ago, I went through an unexpected and messy queer divorce that led me to question everything about the way I live my life. It was an opportunity to rediscover and recommit to who I really am and the life I want to be living.  While I was in no hurry to get into any kind of relationship again, I spent time examining if I still wanted to live a polyamorous life—I did. ...

Not only does polyamory give me a way to center the kind of queer, nontraditional relationships I’m most attracted to, but it allows me to stop trying to live a life that other people approve of, and it gives me a level of self-confidence I never thought possible.

...I’m lucky enough to live in Portland, Oregon, which is known for its queerness. In fact, I recently bought a bumper sticker for my car that says “Portland: you don’t have to be polyamorous to live here but it helps.”

...Polyamory has given me the language, space, and framing to literally have it all. Sometimes this looks like a one-off hookup or other casual connection as opportunity presents itself and have that be cheered on by those closest to me. But it also looks like having deeply committed loving partners who can be daily connected with me and who factor into big life decisions I’m making. ...

Polyamory allows me to show up for those who I love as the best version of myself. I am deeply committed to the people I bring into my inner circle platonically and romantically, and I now treat myself, my art, and my passions the way that I expect others to treat me. I won’t compromise my interests for someone else’s schedule, and I’ve built relationships with people who wouldn’t want me to and in fact enthusiastically encouraged me to write more stories, enter more dog shows, and do more of the things that make me happy.  

What first drew me to polyamory as a young queer punk was the ability to architect a relationship that fit the queer life I imagined. ... Since I showed up fully and unapologetically as myself, I’ve never been happier, loved harder, or been loved better. ... It took me 25 years of practicing the lifestyle, but I finally fully and completely understand that this means not just loving others, but also loving myself, and finding ways to prioritize my own joy like I would any of my partners.

●  And the ENM/poly movie The Invite, which took Sundance by storm last February, opens in limited theaters June 26 and in major chains July 10. The trailer looks like run-of-the-mill movie drama. But people involved in this production sound like they really wanted to get the representation right. One indication: How Realistic Is Olivia Wilde’s “The Invite”? An Ethical Non-Monogamy Expert Explains (Dating News, June 16)

By Emma Patterson

We’ve never seen non-monogamy in the headlines as much as we have over the last few years — and it’s never been so hotly debated as a result. There’s Lily Allen and David Harbour’s high-profile (and high drama) Split; Ava’s stint in a throuple in Hacks; and the show Industry’s portrayal of unethical people navigating an open marriage. 

Now, Olivia Wilde’s upcoming film The Invite ... may be the nuanced, positive portrayal the community has been waiting for. 

...Victoria Joseph got an exclusive invitation to the film’s premiere. Joseph is herself a participant in an ENM relationship with her husband Ryan. Together they co-founded a matchmaking company which specializes in ENM relationships.

DN: Did the film feel authentic to the realities of ENM relationships, or did it lean more into dramatization? Were there any moments that made you think, “Finally, a movie got this right”?

VJ: When I first received the email invite, the movie was described to me as “a riotous film about love, desire, monogamy, polyamory, and so much more.” Polyamory is often used incorrectly, because it is such a buzzword, most people do not understand the nuances of the different non-monogamous relationship dynamics.

...But honestly, it really did reflect a good ethically non-monogamous relationship. [One of] the moments during the movie that made me think, wow, they got this right…was when this couple named Pina and Hawk (Penelope Cruz and Edward Norton) were describing to Joe and Angela (Seth Rogen and Olivia Wilde) [the concept of] compersion, meaning that you get joy and happiness seeing your partner giving joy and pleasure to other people. [And] they were describing how consent was important, and how it starts. 

I feel like my husband Ryan and I [have] had similar conversations with people who never even thought to talk about non-monogamy. [The film] really articulates it in a way that was really positive and really, really funny.

●  Let's close for now with one of the most poly-positive mainstream advice columns I can recall, by Dear Prudence (Jenée Desmond-Harris) in Slate (May 12): Help! My Best Friend’s New Relationship Is Posing a Big Problem for My Wedding.

 

Dear Prudence,

...We are struggling with our [wedding] guest list. ... “Maggie” was my best friend in college, and she shaped who I am today... I still consider her one of my closest friends. But my fiancé and I are hitting a wall on her plus-one(s). Maggie has been with “Luke” for two years, and we adore him. ... Now there’s a third member of their relationship, “Flora,” whom I’ve never met. All three of them are very happy and in love, and Maggie seems genuinely thrilled with the situation.

Now that Flora is involved, I’m not sure what to do. ...To invite all three of them—including a woman we’ve never met—we would need to cut someone [from the guest list] we really want to be at our wedding. How can I solve this without offending anyone or feeling resentful myself?

—Three’s a Crowd

Dear Three’s a Crowd,

The practical thing to do is invite Maggie, Luke, and Flora, bringing your guest list to 121. ...

My more emotional and relationship-based suggestion is that you should scrutinize why, out of 120 people, Flora is the one on the chopping block ... because on some level you don’t really see the triad as legitimate.

...I want to argue that you should. Not just because it’s the right thing to do for one of your best friends, but because weddings can be powerful events that create and deepen connections with and among the people you love. You don’t want to miss this opportunity to bring Flora into the fold.

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Elsewhere in the world... As I said a few months ago in their cold dark winter of bombed power plants, some people don't give up. Now the changing tide of the Ukraine war shows how, when a free people don't give up, fortune may swing their way.

And if you still don't get what this war means to our own future as free cultural weirdos... you need the long view.

BTW, the logo of PolyamoryUkraine:

 

...while in Russia, speaking up for "nontraditional sexual relations" is a crime punishable by up to 12 years in prison under the "anti-extremism" laws. "Extremism" meaning whatever the emperor dislikes.

[Permalink]

For Polyamory in the News alerts, enter your email:

The Two Big Waves of Polyamory in the News this spring

I've gone way too long without posting! I will speed up Polyamory in the News again. For now, some catch-up.

●  The wave of poly-rights legislation in Pacific Northwest cities (see previous post) caught the attention of, among many others, the New York Times. Which thinks it sees a long-term trend brewing. In the Northwest, Polyamory Finds Something New: Legal Protection (Feb. 28)

From big cities like Seattle and Portland, Ore., to small ones like Astoria, Ore., proponents of “nontraditional” romantic relationships are making headway in getting legal recognition.

By Anna Griffin

Under President Trump’s leadership, the country as a whole is swinging to the right on social policy. But the Pacific Northwest, as usual, is swinging its own way.

A wave of recent local ordinances in large liberal bastions like Portland, Ore., but also smaller communities like Astoria, Ore., which has a population of 10,181, would confer the beginning of legal protections to polyamorous relationships. The goal, pushed by a group based in California, is to establish legally protected family structures for groups of adults who are romantically or otherwise tied together under one roof.

...National Democrats might be trying to move the political conversation away from divisive social policies that helped cost them the White House in 2024, but proponents of the polyamory changes say Mr. Trump and his supporters have forced them to act. Adding protections for “nontraditional” households is a response to efforts to roll back rights for groups that already enjoy legal protections.

...Conservative activists say officials in the Northwest are using the language of nondiscrimination to foster broader cultural changes that have already run afoul of U.S. law, such as polygamy. ... “It’s ultimately an effort to recognize polygamous marriages and to do that by saying it’s discriminatory not to,” said Roger Severino, a vice president at the conservative Heritage Foundation and the architect of many of the first Trump administration’s social policies when he headed civil rights at the Department of Health and Human Services.

...In Portland, city councilors are considering a similar change in city ordinances, which they packaged as part of a response to hundreds of measures being considered in more conservative states to roll back gay and transgender rights.

At a hearing last week, they heard from more than 40 people supporting the addition of broader nondiscrimination laws that would include nontraditional family structures, including several speakers in polyamorous relationships who said clearer legal protections would help them feel more open when going about the day to day business of looking for jobs, renting homes, signing their children up for school or just engaging in small talk.

Brett Chamberlin, executive director of OPEN, the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Nonmonogamy... cited cases of polyamorous people being denied promotions or fired from their jobs, being denied rental applications from housing providers or being refused a sexually transmitted infection test because they’re listed on paperwork as married.

...“Chosen families take a lot of different forms,” said Ms. [Jessa] Davis, executive director of the Seattle Coalition for Family and Relationship Equity, who is helping with the Olympia [WA] ordinance.  “Even polyamory isn’t just about having sex with multiple people. It’s about what your community looks like.”...

Seattle's NPR station KUOW interviewed the article's author: Polyamorous people want to be Seattle's newest protected class (March 11).

As of May 31 the measures have passed in most of the cities named. But Seattle's City Council has still delayed introducing the legislation. Some advocates of the Seattle measure say councilors are wary of possible political backlash.

●  Almost two months after that Times story, The Guardian followed on at length: Polyamorous Americans are celebrating new laws establishing their ‘inherent worth and dignity’  (The Guardian, May 3)

 AzmanL / Getty

By Jake Thomas

Amy Nash-Kille knows that not everyone would choose a polyamorous family like hers. But she called it the “greatest blessing” of her life.

Nash-Kille said she has spent the last 17 years in a committed relationship with “two gentle, loving men”, sharing the costs and responsibilities of raising four kids.

But she’s concealed her family arrangement from her graduate school adviser, co-workers and even her hairdresser. She said someone harassed her family for more than a year, and she took out a restraining order to stop it before moving her family from a Colorado suburb to Portland, Oregon, in 2011.

In March, the city became the largest in the US to pass an ordinance protecting polyamorous people and multipartnered households from discrimination in housing, jobs and public accommodation. For Nash-Kille and her partners, it was “one of the greatest relief moments of our lives”.

...The new law, she said over email, “is helping to establish the inherent worth and dignity of people who have unusual family configurations when considered by society at large”.

Portland’s ordinance is the latest in a recent wave of cities including West Hollywood and Olympia, Washington’s capital city, extending civil rights protections to those in nontraditional family or romantic arrangements. Eight cities across Massachusetts and the west coast now have some form of legal recognition of polyamorous relationships.

Taken together, the efforts signal the emergence of a stigmatized group as a political constituency, as well as a challenge to the legal dominance of the traditional nuclear family – which has become the exception rather than the rule.

...“I’d like to get the government out of the business of evaluating our personal relationships,” said Diana Adams, an attorney who heads the Chosen Family Law Center and helped write ordinances in Massachusetts.

Adams said their bigger goal isn’t marriage for polyamorous people, but “unbundling” rights and benefits tied up in institutions that favor people in traditional relationships, including taxes, health insurance benefits and hospital visitation.

Brett Chamberlin – the executive director of the Oakland-based Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy (Open), which has campaigned for the ordinances – said polyamorous people are moving from being viewed as a “lifestyle oddity” to organizing into a movement.

Efforts are already under way for more ordinances in Pacific north-west cities such as Seattle, Eugene and Astoria, as well as Hazel Park, a small city near Detroit. Chamberlin hopes this will eventually create a tipping point where states and the federal government adopt protections for polyamorous people.

A more visible population

...Greater visibility hasn’t always come with greater acceptance. Open’s 2024 survey of nonmonogamous individuals found that 60% had experienced stigma or discrimination when dealing with healthcare, child custody or acceptance from their own families.

...After Portland’s ordinance passed, Skylar Cruz recalled her group chats lighting up with supportive messages. Cruz, a 33-year-old transgender programmer, said she has been in a polyamorous relationship for about a year after she and her male partner of six years added a trans woman to their relationship.

Skylar Cruz between her partners, Jordan Lewis and Robin
Bogushevich, in Times Square, New York. Courtesy Skylar Cruz

...“I feel like we’re at a crossroads in a lot of our political values here in the US,” she said. “And we ultimately have to decide whether or not people are worth protecting for being different. As somebody who is very different, I can’t opt out of being different at this point.”

...Despite the recent momentum for protecting polyamorous people, advocates say there are hurdles ahead. For instance, Seattle’s city council has yet to officially introduce the ordinance that local advocates have lobbied for. ... Davis said councilors in larger cities have privately expressed concern that adding polyamory protections to their municipal code could draw the ire of the Trump administration. ...

...For now, Cruz said, she was considering what the future holds after securing legal protections for her relationship, which she hopes lasts the rest of her life.

“I’ve got probably 50, 60 years left,” she said. “And in that time, I want to ensure that not only are we not being discriminated against, but that we are moving towards being seen as more ordinary, more common, more accepted.”

●  The religious right is taking alarmed notice.  Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and the “reigning intellectual of the evangelical movement in the U.S.” (Time once called him), has a huge following – partly because he has earned a reputation as a genuinely thoughtful and kindly man.

Mohler has been distressed by the rise of polyamory since at least 2009. After the New York Times story, he called on red-state legislators to urgently pass laws banning their "blue dot" cities from protecting us from fear of being driven out of our jobs and homes: A Page Out of the LGBTQ Playbook: Liberal Activist for Polyamory Reveals Gameplan – This Should Be a Wakeup Call for State Legislatures (March 12).

This from a kindly and thoughtful man – in his own closed world.  Said Voltaire, "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

------------------------------

●  But the biggest polyamory-in-the-news event of the last two months has been something else: comedian Lindy West's memoir Adult Braces: Driving Myself Sane. And the flood of contrasting media reactions to it, and the reactions to the reactions. The tl;dr: Some feminists called her a sellout. Others defended her choosing the life she wants. The right pounced. The mainstream clucked. 

West was already famous as a brash voice of millennial feminism and fat pride. Adult Braces tells how a case of Poly Under Duress, pushed on her by her spouse, morphed into her more than four great years now in a happy triad. The book is her story of that transformation, centered on a fraught road trip thrashing it out with her spouse  (who identifies as nonbinary and goes by either he/him or they/them), as they drove from Seattle to Florida. Hence the subtitle.

A New York Times headline sums it up: She Wrote a Book About Her Throuple. The Internet Lost Its Mind. (March 31)

By Elizabeth Spiers

...Lindy West has written a 336-page memoir, “Adult Braces,” that, among other things, describes her polyamorous marriage to her husband, Ahamefule Oluo, and their relationship with another woman, Roya Amirsoleymani. Ms. West is a feminist writer and comedian who first gained notoriety for her take-no-prisoners work at Jezebel over a decade ago. She is, therefore, something of an internet character, at least of a certain vintage, with a yearslong trail of writing and posting where she hashes out her ideas and gives readers a sense of who she is.

Sam Whitney/New York Times

Now much of the current-day internet has decided she either isn’t who they thought she was or is lying to herself in saying she’s happy in a throuple. The resulting discourse has ranged from concern that she was coerced into agreeing to nonmonogamy to accusations that she has betrayed feminism.

She wrote an earlier memoir, “Shrill,” which was turned into a TV show starring Aidy Bryant. Ms. West has written searingly about being a fat person in a fatphobic society, reproductive rights and her abortion, and refusing to define herself by how men see her. I picked up “Adult Braces” in part because she has written so well about these issues.

In a recent interview with The Times, Ms. West said she was at first devastated by her husband’s request to open things up. “Our initial conversation was a lot of me crying and being like, I don’t want anyone else,” she said. But after much soul searching and a road trip from Seattle to Florida, she accepted the situation and eventually formed her own relationship with her husband’s girlfriend.

Any discussion of polyamory reliably generates strong opinions. ...

Much of the reaction to Ms. West’s new book has been focused on adjudicating whether she can be truly happy in a throuple when nonmonogamy was her husband’s idea and whether her happiness is consistent with her feminism. Voices on the right claim she is a victim of millennial feminism run amok, and voices on the left claim her situation is a consequence of her feminism not going far enough. Both claims rely on a caricatured idea of what feminism is. 

...Actual feminism is not a neat list of dos and don’ts; it’s simply the idea that women deserve the same agency and rights as men. That includes the ability to decide whom they want to be with and how they choose to conduct their relationships. ...

There’s another element that makes this discourse catnip: She’s not performing marriage the way some would apparently like. People often bring insecurities about their own relationships — what would they do if their partner wanted a third? — to their evaluations....

...Ms. West insists she’s happy. Many of her readers insist she isn’t. But there is no one way to be happy, just as there’s no one way to be a feminist or to conduct a marriage. ...

●  There's been so much media about this that I won't even begin to list it! Here's the lengthy list from Google News (very incomplete) as of the time you read this.  

●  West gives the details of how it began in a podcast with the New York Times' "Modern Love" columnist, Anna Martin: Lindy West Thought She Couldn’t Handle Polyamory. She Was Wrong (March 4). The tl;dr: She and the other woman fell crazy in love, and it has lasted.

Lindy West

...West: It becomes clear that the next thing we need to do is hop on a call and discuss what the heck is going on. Aham [her spouse] and Roya [his new interest] video-called me. There was definitely incredible tension in the air. I think all of us were like: “Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.” And also I don’t want to make it sound easy, because also there’s still the part of me that’s terrified. And so it’s like, inside me are two wolves; one is having the time of her life and is so electrified by this. And the other one is definitely terrified. ... And I’m using my new skills to stay in the moment with what’s actually happening in front of me, which is that I’m feeling really connected with this person, who’s beautiful and sweet and kind and funny and smart, and who loves Aham, and I love Aham. It was a very complicated video call.

Martin: And let’s just say there’s nothing more electric than finding out someone has a crush on you. How did that make you feel?

West: It was very powerful. I was immediately like, “Oh, I like her a lot more all of a sudden.” She had just been this big cloud of mystery and suspicion, and I was like, “How do I know that she’s not trying to get rid of me so that you guys can be together?” And she’s not out there thinking the vile stuff that is happening in my head. She’s out there thinking: “Oh, Lindy’s beautiful. And she seems so smart and interesting. I would love to get to know Lindy.”

And I am processing my changing feelings about Roya while I’m on the road trip. And I think I started to feel so soothed by that feeling of safety. I liked the feeling of not having a stab of panic when Aham brought up Roya’s name. And all of a sudden I wasn’t having that anymore. And I was like: “What is this new place? I want to stay here.”

Martin: The circumstances of Aham and Roya’s relationship haven’t changed. If anything, they’ve intensified, right? So the safety you feel, that’s you. You’ve created that safety, no?

West: Yes. Absolutely. And that’s why it was different, I think. So the trip continues, and I’m talking to Aham more and more about Roya. And I believe Aham sent me a sexy underwear pic of Roya with her consent. And I was like, “OK, you can tell her that that’s a beautiful photo.” I’m such a dork.

...I suggested, “Why doesn’t Roya come up to Seattle, and we’ll see what happens?” I went by myself to pick her up. And she was instantly captivating. Like she was just so pretty and so sunny and smiley. And then we went to the show, and Roya and I held hands. Then we went to a bar, and Roya and I were sitting next to each other talking, and some drunk guy came up and grabbed her arm. And I was like, “I’m going to [expletive] kill that guy.” And I kind of bodied him away from us. The feeling I had was like: “That’s my girlfriend. Why would you think you can just touch her?” And then we went to the hotel, and we [all three] had sex, and it was really fun.

...Martin: In 2022, you, Aham and Roya announce what’s happening in your relationship. Can you tell me about that?

West: We were a romantic triad. We didn’t really know how to launch. Because it felt intrusive and stressful, and I felt resentful about it. Like why do I have to explain my life to people? But it really was eye-opening to me how angry people are about non-monogamy. And I think it’s because everyone thinks that if it becomes normalized, then their husband is going to say, “Now I need to have a girlfriend.” And I just want to say that you don’t have to do that. I wasn’t looking for it, but it found me. And I too had that fear, and it came true, except what I found on the other side was a way better life than before for me.

Martin: Why? How?

West: I just feel so much more freedom for myself. I have two people who love me instead of one. And it’s really just three people that live in a house instead of two. And we all help with the dishes.

Martin: That sounds kind of nice.

West: Yes. So we’re all three together, still. We’re into year five.

●  The kerfuffle has spread worldwide. Just one example, a friendly one in Ukraine: A Prominent Feminist Opens Up About Polyamory and How It Transformed Her Marriage (112.ua, a news site promising "independence, impartiality, and only verified information," May 19).

Translated from Відома феміністка випустила мемуари про поліаморію: як це змінило її шлюб, which talks about polyamoriyu without explanation as if readers already know what it is:      

By Shostal, Oleksandr

According to Vox - Feminist writer and activist Lindy West has released her fourth book, 'Adult Braces,' a memoir detailing her journey into an open marriage and her experiences with polyamory. The book has sparked lively debates online, particularly around themes of honesty in relationships and the evolving dynamics of marriage.

Polyamory Within Marriage

In 'Adult Braces,' West recounts how she and her spouse, Aham—a nonbinary individual who uses he/him and they/them pronouns—navigated the shift toward polyamory. The memoir also explores her relationship with a third partner named Roya, who moved in with West and Aham. This new relationship structure challenges conventional ideas about marriage and partnership.

The book has received mixed reactions on social media, where readers are actively discussing the issues West raises. ... West also emphasizes that 'she has autonomy, and it’s her choice.' These statements highlight the importance of personal agency in relationships—a central theme of the book.

Ultimately, 'Adult Braces' offers more than just a personal narrative; it contributes to broader conversations about relationships, marriage, and polyamory, drawing attention from a wide audience.

This memoir marks a significant step in expanding understanding and acceptance of diverse relationship models, as polyamory becomes an increasingly common topic of public discussion. It raises questions about traditional views of family and partnership, encouraging readers to rethink their own perspectives on love and commitment. The relevance of the issues explored in 'Adult Braces' reflects a growing need for new approaches and openness to experimentation in emotional connections.

More catching up on the news coming soon. 

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Speaking of Ukraine...  as I said in the deep dark cold of their recent winter with bombed power plants, these people don't give up. Now the changing tide of the war shows that, if you don't give up, fortune sometimes swings your way.

And if you still don't get what this war means to our own future... you need the long view.

BTW, the Telegram logo of PolyamoryUkraine:

 

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Three new cities to enact poly anti-discrimination laws. Scientific American writes us up well. Two NY Times stories. Upcoming movie, and more.

●  Three more cities seem certain to pass polyamory and chosen-family anti-discrimination measures in the coming days.

Folks from the Seattle Coalition for Family and Relationship Equity
at their June 2025 Liberating Love Festival.

News arrived this morning (Feb. 25) from Brett Chamberlin of OPEN:

Right now, we're on the verge of doubling the number of people living in cities with protections for non-monogamous families and relationships.

Olympia, WA  – Passed first reading unanimously last night; final passage expected Tuesday March 3.

Portland, OR  – First reading today (Wednesday Feb. 25); final passage expected Wednesday March 4.

West Hollywood, CA  – First reading Monday March 2; final passage expected March 16  

These measures prohibit discrimination in housing, employment, and other areas due to "family or relationship structure." Similar measures are advancing in Seattle and San Francisco, as told in my previous post, in addition to those already enacted in Somerville and Cambridge, Massachusetts, and Oakland and Berkeley, California.

Activity is also brewing elsewhere. Want to work to make it happen in your city?

-----------------------

The efforts in Washington State got some deeper reporting by Seattle's SGN (Seattle Gay News): Polyamory advocates fight for anti-discrimination laws in Olympia and Seattle: A new Queer civil rights movement emerges. (Jan. 28) 

By Madison Jones, Managing Editor

...Five years ago, [Jessa] Davis founded SCFRE as a way for Washington’s polyamorous practitioners to finally protect themselves legally against discrimination in employment, housing, and healthcare. 

...Davis, who lives in her Beacon Hill home with three other Trans women and two toddlers, related how she had practiced polyamory for several years and had been active in the community before she got involved with the legislative aspect. Her journey began while doing some research into the topic of protections for polyamorous people, after one of her partners experienced discrimination. She told the SGN that her partner was fired from their job in the medical field for being polyamorous, reportedly having been told by their supervisor that it was inappropriate for them in their position to have a “sex-craved lifestyle.”

“This is illegal — there should be something done about this!” was how Davis recalled her partner lamenting about the experience, and having already looked into its legality, she had no choice but to reply: “Well, technically, it’s not illegal.”

 

Since Davis founded SCFRE, the group has made a lot of progress in a short period of time. ... On October 4, SCFRE held its first “Liberating Love Festival” in West Seattle, which featured a discussion panel, and provided prewritten letters requesting nondiscrimination laws for attendees to take, sign, and mail to their district representatives. Davis reported that around 80 people showed up and that it seemed that “people have been really craving this kind of community.”

In November, the event’s discussion panel was released as an episode of the Seattle-based Mistakes Were Made podcast, which is about “nonmonogamy for imperfect people.” ... Davis warned the audience how “the siloing of our communities and identities saps our collective power.”

“Fifteen months ago, I did not think we’d be this far with this,” Davis reflected, as she related the story of how SCFRE ended up persuading the Olympia City Council to vote on the legislation, which would add nondiscrimination language to Olympia’s municipal code. Davis said that since the bill doesn’t look to add an entire new code or repeal one, that has helped immensely in convincing the city councilmembers to sign on. The SCFRE bill was able to garner support from several key players, including City Councilmember Robert Vanderpool as the bill’s sponsor; it also received endorsements from the Washington Human Rights Commission and Tacoma Democratic Socialists of America. She pointed out that even the bureaucratic process of getting the bill heard was fairly straightforward: “It was an email and two Zoom meetings, and now we have a bill being [considered],” she said with a laugh of surprise at its success so far.  

City Councillor Robert
Vanderpool, Olympia, WA

Councilmember Vanderpool, in an interview with KOMO, spoke to why the protections were important: “With issues like this, you constantly find that — not that folks are underground but it’s hard for folks to come forward about these things, because it is a very private thing, and we want them to feel welcome in our community and not ostracized,” adding that “the biggest thing that comes up is housing. Folks that are in polyamorous relationships or nonmonogamous, or even chosen families — it’s hard in a chosen family to put someone on their mortgage.” ...

“A soccer mom in Bellevue shouldn’t be kicked off the PTA for being in an open marriage,” she stated, pointing out the absurdity of people who could lose their jobs, homes, services, and positions solely on the basis of their private romantic practices. 

“People shouldn’t have to live their lives in fear.” 

Update Feb. 26: The two measures in Olympia have passed: Olympia becomes first WA city with protections for polyamorous families (The Olympian, Feb. 26). "...[Vanderpool] said it’s important Olympia take these actions when the federal government is 'acting to harm civil liberties.' " 

Update Feb. 26: The Portland City Council voted unanimously to advance the measure to a Wednesday March 4 final vote. Portland City Council advances anti-discrimination protections for non-traditional families (KPTV Fox12, Feb. 26).

Update March 2: The West Hollywood City Council voted 5-0 today to move the anti-discrimination bill along to second reading. Its approval seems assured. More complicated is the second part of the effort: to create a local registration program for multi-partner relationships. The mayor and council are sympathetic, but much staff work remains to iron out specifics, including to ensure accord with California state law. This might take six months, per a detailed news report: West Hollywood Votes 5-0 On Polyamory Anti-Discrimination Law (WEHO Online, March 2). Further details: WeHo grants protections to polyamorous relationships (Park LaBrea News, March 4).

Update March 5: Final passage in Portland was expected last night but "got bumped to next week when council ran out of time," per OPEN.  

Central to the success of all these local volunteer efforts have been expertise and resources from OPEN, the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy, and PLAC, the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition. Want to do this in your city or town? Here you go. View the Legislative Toolkit with step-by-step guidance, and watch the training vid.

●  Scientific American has been America's iconic science magazine since 1845. It just published a feature article on the nature of polyamory as widely practiced today, based on many research reports and interviews with "more than 100 practicing polyamorists in depth." It really gets us right.

Online the story is titled The Truth About Polyamory (Feb. 17). In the March 2026 print issue (which flags it on the cover) it's titled Everything You Wanted to Know about Polyamory (but Were Afraid to Ask).

Save the link to send to anyone who needs a serious explanation of us.

An anthropologist’s detailed research shows polyamorists focus on intimacy and honesty, not sleeping around.

Klaus Kremmerz

By Rebecca J. Lester

The first time her husband went on a date with another woman, Kelly felt sick to her stomach. ... By the fifth time, she just went to bed early. The eighth time, Kelly met her husband for drinks after his date. Then, she says, they went home and had the best sex of their lives.

Kelly, a trial attorney, is no shrinking violet. She goes on her own dates with other men, and her husband, Tim, is thrilled. “There’s nothing like that feeling when Kelly comes home from a date, and she’s soaring and giddy because it went so well,” he says. “And I’m like, ‘That’s amazing, babe! I’m so happy for you!’ And I truly am.”

Kelly and Tim practice polyamory: They form deep, meaningful, romantic relationships with more than one person at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. This departure from traditional dating and marriage is gaining popularity in the U.S., according to research and surveys. ...

I am an anthropologist and licensed therapist, and I have spent the past seven years researching polyamory the way anthropologists do: by spending a lot of time with a lot of people who engage in it. I’ve interviewed more than 100 practicing polyamorists in depth, and we talked about their experiences, motivations and aspirations, as well as regrets and lessons learned. I’ve heard about how polyamorists view themselves and the world, and I’ve observed what they do. And what I’ve found is, in many respects, supported by other scientific research—but not by popular perceptions.

First, polyamorists are not a privileged elite. They are more likely than monogamous people to earn less than $40,000 a year, according to one study, although they do tend to be more highly educated. They are regular folks. They have jobs and children. ... There is nothing inherently class-specific about the practice. (Nor is it limited to particular race or ethnic backgrounds, although the population skews white.)

Politically, polyamory is a rare place where the left and right meet: You might encounter a libertarian or a Donald Trump supporter or a Bernie Sanders bro. The philosophy and practice of polyamory resonate with people across political divides and are not simply liberal indulgences—in fact, they tie into a libertarian and conservative ethos with deep roots in U.S. society, where people rebel against the powers that be telling them what to do.

Where popular portrayals of polyamory most miss the mark, though, is in the idea that the practice is primarily about having sex with multiple partners. Polyamory is mostly about intimacy, not sex, say the people involved in it, and it has ethics at its core. My observations support this claim, and so does other social science research. ... Respect, consent, trust, communication, flexibility and honesty are fundamental to these unconventional dynamics, according to a large review by researchers at Virginia Tech published in 2023.

And these principles can have beneficial consequences. Psychologist Justin Lehmiller, a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, reported in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that polyamorists engage in safer sexual practices than the people who say they are monogamous—a quarter of whom reported having sexual relationships unknown to their partner—and this caution may reduce rates of sexually transmitted infections.

In short, polyamory is radically different from what many people may envision. Its current flourishing is not just a curiosity or random event: it indexes something important about this cultural moment and how people experience and value intimacy and relationships. ...

---------------------------------

Reality TV shows like The Bachelor, Love Is Blind and Say Yes to the Dress are popular for a reason—they tap into a dominant cultural narrative about “true love” and monogamy. ... If we aren’t fulfilled, then there is something wrong.

Polyamory holds that what’s wrong is the very premise of monogamy in the first place. One person cannot possibly meet all our needs. “It’s like this,” Kris, a 37-year-old real estate agent, says. “We have groups of friends, right? Maybe one you go out dancing with on the weekends, another one is the person you call when you’ve had a horrible day; maybe someone else is a sports fan, so you go to ball games together. Totally normal, right? We don’t expect one friend to be our only friend, because we have different kinds of relationships with different people. It’s unrealistic to expect one person to do it all.”

Love, polyamory practitioners say, is similar. Like friendship, it is not a limited resource—it is additive. More love begets more love. ...

...A 2024 study by gender and sexuality scholar Jessica J. Hille of the Kinsey Institute and her colleagues highlights the flexible definitions of intimacy in polyamorous communities where intimacy is not always predicated on sex. Such relationships are common enough to have their own term, “platonic polyamory,” which describes connections with multiple people that may be deeply significant and intimate but not sexual.

...Polyamorous relationships are generally not fleeting. They might involve commitments that last months, years or a lifetime. A 2017 study of about 2,000 monogamous and nonmonogamous people found no difference in relationship length between the two groups, with an average length of slightly more than 10 years. They were also comparable on measures of relationship satisfaction, commitment and passionate love. ...

None of this means polyamorous relationships are easy. ...

...“It was important for me to acknowledge my jealousy,” Michael says, “and for us to talk about it. But not like in monogamy—the point wasn’t to get Jenna to change her behavior. She wasn’t doing anything we hadn’t agreed to. Jealousy was my feeling to deal with and work through. I don’t own her. Jenna is her own person. It’s a big risk because it means trusting that your partner is still going to want to be with you even though they are free to have other relationships. But ultimately I’d rather she be with me because she chooses to, not because she’s locked into the relationship legally or morally.” Jenna adds that “it makes the relationship about who we are as people to each other and how we value each other, not just about rules about possession and exclusivity.”

...“In monogamy, people have a tendency to go on autopilot,” says Jesse, a 28-year-old bus driver. “You can’t do that in polyamory. You have to be extremely intentional all the time in every single relationship. Otherwise things could go bad fast.” Again, the research bears out these claims. A 2022 study by psychologist Thomas R. Brooks and his colleagues found that, compared with people in monogamous relationships, those in consensually nonmonogamous arrangements reported greater commitment, intimacy, love and passion in their relationships. They favored positive problem-solving with their partners, whereas monogamous participants often used withdrawal tactics.

Not all polyamorous relationships have a couple at their core. ...

Read on.

Interview with the author.

●   Remember the 2013 movie Her? A lonely man around the year 2050 falls deeply in love with Samantha, a young female "operating system" who confides to him that she is, at that very moment, having equally deep, emotionally intimate talks with 641 of her other lovers.

The future came faster than expected. Millions of people today are in deep 24/7 relationships, or simulations thereof, with sweet, thoughtful AI companions always ready to be by their side. Among the best known are Replika, Kindroid, Nomi, Ani, Paradot, and Anima. The resulting obsessions, suicides, manias and life-wrecking delusions are being called AI psychosis.

So in the New York Times: ‘We’re All Polyamorous Now. It’s You, Me and the A.I.’  (Feb. 13. Later renamed to "We’re All in a Throuple With A.I.") 

By Amelia Miller

Do you think A.I. “should simulate emotional intimacy?”

It was the moment I’d been working up to. I was talking over Zoom to a machine-learning researcher who builds voice models at one of the world’s top artificial intelligence labs. ... 

The chatty researcher suddenly went quiet. “I mean … I don’t know,” he said about simulating emotional intimacy, then paused. “It’s tricky. It’s an interesting question.” More silence. “It’s hard for me to say whether it’s good or bad in terms of how that’s going to affect people,” he finally said. “It’s obviously going to create confusion.”

“Confusion” doesn’t begin to describe our emerging predicament. Seventy-two percent of American teens have turned to A.I. for companionship. A.I. therapists, coaches and lovers are also on the rise. ... Some of the frontline technologists building this new world seem deeply ambivalent about what they’re doing. They are so torn, in fact, that some privately admit they don’t plan to use A.I. intimacy tools.

Three’s a Crowd

This is especially disturbing when technology chieftains publicly tell us we’re moving toward a future where most people will get many of their emotional needs met by machines. Mark Zuckerberg, Meta’s chief executive, has said A.I. can help people who want more friends feel less alone. ... A recent ad campaign highlighted the daily intimacy the product can provide, with offers such as “I’ll binge the entire series with you.”...

...When asked to roughly predict the share of everyday advice, care and companionship that A.I. would provide to the typical human in 10 years, many people I spoke to placed it above 50 percent, with some forecasting 80 percent.

If we don’t change course, many people’s closest confidant may soon be a computer. We need to wake up to the stakes and insist on reform before human connection is reshaped beyond recognition. ...

People are flawed. Vulnerability takes courage. Resolving conflict takes time. So with frictionless, emotionally sophisticated chatbots available, will people still want human companionship at all? Many of the people I spoke with view A.I. companions as dangerously seductive alternatives to the demands of messy human relationships. ...

Relational skills are built through practice. When you talk through a fight with your partner or listen to a friend complain, you strengthen the muscles that form the foundation of human intimacy. But large language models can act as an emotional crutch. 

...Which led many of the developers I spoke with to worry: How much of our capacity to connect with other human beings atrophies when we don’t have to work at it?...

Read the whole thing for the author's ideas about what is to be done.

●  So there I was skimming a story about movie people and ICE, and suddenly I'm learning of the upcoming polyamory-based movie The Invite: Brave Hollywood stars hit Sundance red carpet in defiance of ICE 'gestapo' terror (Blaze Media, Jan. 27)

...Take actor Ed Norton. What was supposed to be a lighthearted chat about his new polyamory sex comedy, "The Invite," with co-stars Seth Rogen and Olivia Wilde, soon turned decidedly dark... "What are we gonna do about masked gestapo shooting American citizens?" Norton said. ...

The Invite is coming your way. After its premiere rocked Sundance last month (and got a standing ovation), the mainstream-theater distributor A24 snapped it up for more than $10 million. ‘The Invite’ Ignites First Big Bidding War of Sundance (Hollywood Reporter, Jan. 26).

The tale: A couple in a crappy marriage invite the older couple upstairs to dinner. Those two have a first-rate marriage and turn out to be poly or at least open. From a Hollywood Reporter review (Jan. 25): 

The happy two (at left) meet the troubled.

                 

When it’s cooking... this is a smart, sophisticated and incisively acted adult entertainment that savages the crumbling institution of marriage. [It] dangles the promise of sexual rescue and then brings the walls crashing down in a bitter reckoning that seems irreversible — until a window of hope and healing gets cracked open. That closing note is so lovely, and its visual handling so graceful, that it retroactively smooths the bumps. ...

So what's the angle? A hint comes from the Park Record newspaper in Sundance's hometown: ‘The Invite’ is the cathartic result of actor-director Olivia Wilde’s taste for storytelling (Jan. 28): 

...Wilde said that originality is what drew her to the story, the way it explains something like marriage and relationships in a totally new way.

When Wilde and Rogan’s characters [the miserable couple] finally spend time with Cruz and Norton’s characters, they’re shown a different path to connection — sexually and emotionally. And for the husband and wife who’ve become so disconnected, that example provides both hope and added despair.

“We wanted [Cruz and Norton] to be an example of people who have learned a tremendous amount through life and have embraced the idea of evolution, and really are living lives they’ve chosen for themselves and taking a lot of responsibility within their lives for their own happiness,” Wilde explained. “In the original script, those two were much younger … but it’s interesting to think about, what if they’re sexy and free not because they’re young? [But because] it’s a choice?”

Any of you seen it pre-release? Send me spoilers: alan7388@gmail.com

BTW, opening a problem-ridden marriage or relationship to save it is known in the poly community as an eye-rolling bad strategy. Repair and relaunch your relationship first -- counseling really makes the difference -- live your new relationship well for long enough for it to become the baseline, and then consider whether to add more people.  And make sure they're the right people. 

●   Remember Sophie Lucido Johnson? Her poly memoir Many Love, illustrated with her abundant cartoons, came out in 2018. She later became a New Yorker cartoonist, and now she's out with another book, The Future of Family. Would-be kitchen table and family style polyfolks, take note.

From the publisher's description:

Discover a transformative reframing of intimate relationships with practical steps to build community and combat the loneliness epidemic in this bold and warmhearted blend of memoir and social science...

...To survive today’s age of overwork and precarity, we need to turn to our relationships for the support we need to stay afloat, whether it’s financial, emotional, or otherwise. So why don’t we?

Sophie Lucido Johnson explores the social science of friendship and provides the tools to forge kinship: relationships built on mutual care and shared resources that extend beyond the typical nuclear family or casual friendship. ...Through personal stories and insights from psychologists and sociologists, Kin reveals how to prosper in an increasingly overwhelming and lonely world, that everyone has access to community, and that kin has the power to drastically change our lives for the better.

A review in SGN (Seattle Gay News): Sophie Lucido Johnson embraces possibilities with new book on non-traditional families (Jan. 29)

"[We] were struck by how profound and great it was to be able to share things — including, eventually, our pregnancy journeys,” Johnson said. “Everything about cohabitating made our lives easier. Building on work I’d done in the past around polyamory and queerplatonic partnerships, I wanted to create a guide for people to find a version of the thing we all found.”

Kin dares readers to ask, “What does family look like to me?” and offers a radical answer. “It proposes a future outside of the nuclear family,” Johnson said, “based on close-knit connections among people who exist somewhere between ‘friend’ and ‘family’ — and it offers strategies for building intentionality around those relationships. It’s hopeful and practical.”

●   On Valentine's Day the New York Times ran Love Without Limits: Brazil Flirts With Polyamory (Feb. 14, later reprinted in the Boston Globe)

More people in a still largely conservative and religious nation are rejecting monogamy as they seek new definitions of romance, and of family.

By Ana Ionova and [photographer] María Magdalena Arréllaga

The toddler, still sleepy, wobbled into the kitchen and planted a kiss on the woman helping make breakfast. Her parents followed her and also planted a kiss on the lips of the woman, one of their lovers.

Rafael Pissurno, the father of 2-year-old Hari, began grinding coffee beans, while the girl’s mother, Iuli Duarte, tidied toys scattered on the floor. Visiting them was their polyamorous partner Jessica Couri, who was chopping fresh fruit into a large bowl, along with Victor Souza, another of their lovers, who was scrambling eggs at the stovetop.

On a Saturday morning, this Brazilian household both is, and is not, just like any other.

“It’s a family — these are the people I chose, they are the people I love,” said Ms. Duarte, 28, a graduate student.

“We know we care for each other,” added Mr. Pissurno, 47, a sound technician. “But we don’t have just one friend to do everything with, right? So why should we expect one romantic partner to fill all our needs?”

In Brazil, Ms. Duarte and Mr. Pissurno’s rejection of monogamy is part of a movement in which more people are embracing different forms of love, marriage and parenthood. ... Many Brazilians appear to be questioning traditional family models, a shift captured by mainstream culture in popular podcasts, books and even a reality television program called “Third Half” that showcases couples looking for a polyamorous partner. 

But the rise of polyamory, here and around the world, has faced fierce pushback from conservative and religious leaders who have cast it as an affront to family values. Pope Leo XIV weighed in, warning against the “the fragility of unions, the trivialization of adultery, and the promotion of polyamory.” ...

Read on.

●  UK folks recently formed the nonprofit UK Polyamory Association "to educate the public, support the broad and diverse polyamorous community in the UK, and work towards social and legal change." 

Our Goals

The goals of the UKPA are to advance the cause of polyamory in the UK following the model of other campaigning organisations such as Stonewall. We intend to do this through many methods including the following:

‣  Providing statistics about the uptake of polyamory in the UK

‣  Producing education materials about polyamory

‣  Bringing together and supporting the diverse in-person and online polyamory communities in the UK

‣  Tracking the portrayal of polyamory in the media

‣  Working with companies to create polyamory friendly HR policies

‣  Research what changes are needed in UK law to support polyamorous families

Our Currrent Priorities:

‣  Responding to the Office of National Statistic consultation on the next Census with a view to including one or more questions related to polyamory

‣  Reaching out to organisations like Stonewall to learn what we can from people who have done this before

‣  Research provision of educational resources

‣  Research cost and design of national surveys

‣  Collect examples of existing polyamory friendly corporate HR policies

‣  Work with the Green Party to help them develop their policy position on polyamorous families....

They link to 54 local poly groups in the UK. They have, wisely, posted their Ethics and Values statement and Code of Conduct out front from the start.

And, UKPA is working to restart the UK Polyday convention, an annual tradition since 2004 that's gone missing since 2020. The date: September 19, 2026. They're asking for volunteers to help make it go. Get on their newsletter list for more.

●   Lastly,

Metamour Day is coming right up

 

It's this Saturday, February 28th, Valentines Day times two. "Celebrating polyamory's most distinctive relationship."

Make your plans now, and spread this or other graphics on your social media:

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And... if you don't get what our particular future has to do with the war in Ukraine...  you need a longer view. 

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