Dear Margo weighs in
"Dear Margo" (Margo Howard, daughter of the late Ann Landers) is one of the top newspaper advice columnists. Today she put out this:
Kind of Like Unofficial Polygamy
DEAR MARGO: I am a very happily married woman with a problem: well-intentioned friends and family. My husband and I are polyamorous and not ashamed of it. We have wonderful girlfriends who are special and a part of our family. The problem is that people assume we are on the verge of divorce, etc. Other than an indelicate "Butt out," is there any way to get them to see that we are really happy and stable? We've been married for five years.
(For square readers like me who might need a trip to the dictionary, I will save you some time. "Polyamorous" is the name for multiple sexual relationships within marriage in this case involving both spouses.)
DEAR HAP: You may not be ashamed of it, but you have to know that this arrangement would strike most people as being somewhere between odd and morally wrong, it being quite far from the norm. I am not sure why you felt the need to breeze it around that you and your husband have "wonderful girlfriends."
Because you have, however, essentially invited people to "butt in," you are a little bit stuck in terms of asking them to butt out. I guess the only way to prove yourselves happy and stable is for you two to continue to thrive with your, uh, wonderful girlfriends.
Here's where to write to Margo. But before flaming off, think about what Kit has to say in the discussion now boiling at the LiveJournal Polyamory site: although Margo needs some catching up on what polyamory is (it's not only for married people, and qualifiers like "ethical" and "with full knowledge and agreement of all concerned" need to be in there), the woman who wrote in is inevitably going to get reactions from people close to her if she's out about having an unusual life, so Margo's answer may be on target.
In any case, please write in such a way as to increase respect for us rather than diminish it. "Be a credit to your kink."