Nico Tortorella is developing a TV show around polyfolks

Bethany Meyers (left) and Nico Tortorella camp it up at Love Ball III in June. (Jamie McCarthy/Getty)

 
Actor Nico Tortorella and partner Bethany Meyers are vocal exemplars of gender fluidity, bi acceptance, and polyamory, as described here in 2017 and when they got unconventionally married in 2018.

Now Nico is out with a memoir: Space Between: Explorations of Love, Sex, and Fluidity. The book occasioned an interview yesterday in Nico's hometown Chicago Tribune. Toward the end comes this:

Q: You point out that there’s not a lot of storytelling about polyamorous relationships in TV and film.

A: I think we’re still sex obsessed as a culture. And I think we’re all pretty confused on what sex means and why we do the things we do. And we’re not at polyamory yet in terms of mainstream conversation and culture. But I think it’s coming. It’s the next wave, for sure.

Q: It seems like being able to see what that is, through a TV show or movie, would be invaluable for people who have a hard time conceiving what it looks like.

A: Which is why it was so important for me to the write the book.

And I’m in early stages of development for the TV show right now.

Q: A show about polyamorous relationships?

A: Yeah, it’s going to be roughly based off the book and the characters, but not me and Bethany.

The whole article (September 18, 2019).

We're staying tuned.


--------------------------------

● Also up today: A nice little Poly 101 explanation What is Polyamory? in Happiful, "the magazine devoted to mental health," a print magazine in the UK as well as online (Sept. 19)

Not sure if there’s one person out there for you? Got a lot of love to give? We take a closer look at the non-monogamous approach to relationships

...Mental health blogger Lindsay Hughes tells us about her own experience: “I became aware of polyamory via someone on social media. The set-up she has with her partner seemed to work well for them, and it was refreshing to see a non-conventional relationship where both partners were supported, and seemed to flourish with each other as well as others.”

Lindsay and her partner of five years started discussing polyamory at the start of this year. “It’s working for us at the moment. It would be difficult to disengage from it now we’ve started, but if, in the future, it no longer suits us, then we would transition back to monogamy, or inactive polyamory.” ...

What are the downsides?

Taking an approach that’s outside of social norms doesn’t come without its challenges. According to counsellor Alex Sanderson-Shortt, dealing with other people’s opinions can be tricky to negotiate.

“Decisions need to be made about who knows what about your relationship. Living with these kinds of secrets can be stressful for people, and affect relationships.”

Jealousy is another issue that can come up. ...

What are the benefits of polyamory?

...Lindsay notes: “It’s not that my partner and I don’t meet each others’ needs, but you don’t necessarily share everything with one person. I think that relying on one person to meet all your needs may not always be the best idea.”

She also says her confidence has been boosted by meeting others. “My partner and I are both quite anxious, so it hasn’t always been easy, but there’s something lovely about meeting someone completely new and developing a relationship.”

For Lindsay, it’s this meeting new people, and the self-awareness polyamory facilitates, that helped her tackle her social anxieties, and made her more resilient.

If you’re thinking of trying polyamory…

Counsellor Alex reiterates that communication is key. “Managing any form of consensual non-monogamy needs communication. There needs to be resilience and a support network, as it is still considered odd by many. It can be a really positive experience, and should be celebrated as such when everyone feels they have a fully-consensual experience within the relationship.”

...Stepping outside of societal norms can feel daunting, but for many it’s also liberating. Our advice? Educate yourself on your options, keep communicating, and find a way of loving others that feels good to all involved.

[Permalink]

About that "Girl Code" poly twitter fight in the news

A celebrity poly breakup is trending in the celebrity news. Here's a summary, with the incisive poly-aware perspective that it needs, in the UK's The Independent.

Here's the real problem with Bella Thorne and Tana Mongeau's 'girl code' Twitter fight

By Sirena Bergman

You may have thought that when one is in a polyamorous, bisexual relationship which began on Twitter and has since been followed by millions on Instagram Stories and YouTube vlogs, all conventions would fly out of the window.

But it seems that even among the most unorthodox of relationships, pointless traditional norms persist. In a tweet yesterday, actor, writer and influencer Bella Thorne told her followers that she was “no longer good” with her ex-girlfriend, YouTuber Tana Mongeau, after she “broke girl code”. This is presumably a reference to Mongeau being photographed leaving a restaurant with rapper Mod Sun – who was also in a relationship with Thorne until earlier this year.

Thorne did not call out Mod Sun for having dinner with her ex – she came straight for the woman, invoking archaic ideas around gender and loyalty. For someone who presents so progressive, who vocally challenges presumptions and stereotypes ... Thorne’s tweet (which has since gone viral) seems counterproductive and unhelpful.

The dynamics of the relationship are important here – people are referring to the three as a thruple, but according to what all parties have discussed, this seems inaccurate. Thorne was in what appears to be a primary open relationship with Mod Sun, while simultaneously dating Mongeau. The three of them were not – as some have inaccurately stated – in a three-way relationship. Mongeau and Mod Sun are not exes; from what we know they are simply two people who have an ex in common. So the differences in the ways they are both publicly treated by Thorne matters. ...

...By using the phrase “girl code”, a gendered term which evokes images of female friends braiding each other’s hair while talking about boys, Thorne has inadvertently validated the attitude that her relationship with Mongeau cannot compare to the inherent legitimacy of the one she had with a man, who was no where to be found on her Twitter timeline.

There is a persistent narrative that women's moral value is attached to the way they act in relation to men. ...

The idea that they are still adhering to the absurd concept of “girl code”, which blames women for their involvement in a male-female interaction while implying men’s actions are beyond reprehension, should be worrying to anyone who cares about challenging these perceptions.

...Young women are starved for cultural icons who proudly renounce expectations that society continues to force upon us. We need more people like Thorne and Mongeau who don’t feel the need to clearly define their sexuality – this freedom is crucial in advancing LGBT+ (emphasis on the “plus”) rights. Neither do they seem shackled by the oppressive nature of traditional relationships. Polyamory is certainly not for everyone, but the acceptance of it as a legitimate romantic structure is crucial for women’s rights, which remain subjugated by our reverence for heteronormative marriages, “nuclear families” and other persistent patriarchal constructs.

Thorne may well be frustrated at Mongeau’s actions and she is within her rights to say so, but I cannot help but be disappointed in her choice of words, which has to some extent undone her reputation – at least in my mind – as a true pioneer of progressive feminism.

This public spat about a non-existent “girl code” puts further undue pressure on women to act based on outdated notions of femininity. Let's hope it does not denigrate the importance of Thorne and Mongeau’s matter-of-fact, transparent attitude towards their own sexualities, which should be looked back upon as a pivotal moment for social change when it comes to young women in the public eye.

The original (July 19, 2019), with a short video.

[Permalink]