Friday Polynews Roundup — The changing safe-distancing debate, poly in more TV series, an accidental triad, podcasts, more

It's Friday Polynews Roundup time again — for May 22, 2020.

●  The changing safety and distancing debate.  Currently going around the poly world is a framework for coronavirus group-risk management called the COVID C.A.R.E. model, created by Dr. Evelin Dacker, a physician and former president of Sex Positive Portland. Among other things it uses current knowledge of the virus (which is changing weekly) to define six levels of caution from "Very Strict" to "Very Open" and to help you determine if someone lands on this scale where you do.

But wait a minute, is this a good idea?

The C.A.R.E. approach draws from the older S.T.A.R.S. model for safer-sex conversations and agreements. S.T.A.R.S. acknowledges that in the real world, people have different levels of STI risk tolerance whether they ought to or not, and that you can't count on changing someone else's risk tolerance reliably. But you can gain clarity about the specifics of your own level and have a frank conversation to discover a potential partner's level.

Thing is, Covid-19 is really, seriously, totally different from an STI. You don't typically get it from sharing deep bodily intimacy in bed with a close personal partner, you typically get it from some unknown person in public. Nor can you have a thoughtful, searching conversation with a gas station's bathroom doorknob about its past involvement with someone who picks their nose.

Nor can the strangers who breathe your air in the grocery-store aisle have searching conversations with you about your doorknob history during the last week or two, the time it may take for you to show signs of infection. So where's the agreement and consent in that?

A poly activist in the thick of the pandemic in New York is calling the C.A.R.E.S. approach "wildly irresponsible."  A grad student in Boston who is tracking the polyworld's response to the pandemic says,

More generally, this type of discourse (relying heavily on STI verbage/risk management tools) appears prevalent across all polyam social sites I participate in as well as organizations I manage here in Boston. It has been nearly impossible to shift this conversation away from the toolkit polyamorous folks apply in regards to STIs to a new type of infection.

More on this coming soon. Stay tuned.


In non-Covid news,

● Yet more poly in TV series!  The Politician, which was a Netflix hit in Season 1, joins the poly trend in Season 2, which will launch June 19, with a key plot element. From Entertainment Weekly, Judith Light teases The Politician' Season 2: 'You're going to see sparks fly' (May 18):

Judith Light (left) and Bette Midler

...The 71-year-old [actress Light] returns to TV on Netflix’s The Politician as New York state senator Dede Standish, and she’s proud to portray a complex woman in office. ... The career politician has crafted a careful political image alongside her chief of staff Hadassah Gold (Bette Midler), keeping her polyamorous marriage a secret. But Season 2 will put the pain in campaign, pitting her against young Payton Hobart (Ben Platt) [the star of Season 1], as she fights to keep her Senate seat. ...

...Light’s character is in a throuple, as revealed in Season 1, and [Light] did a lot of reading on those in polyamorous relationships. “It’s a choice that a lot more people make than we know,” she adds. “A throuple is about the relationship among them, not just the sexuality. It isn’t just about the sexual dynamic with these people.” ...

In The Oprah Magazine, from Season 2 of The Politician Has A Premiere Date (published May 18):

Rich kid with ugly weapon facing a serious moral choice

[In Season 1 the show followed] Payton Hobart, a super anxious and super rich high school student [the "politician" of the title] who’s obsessed with becoming student body president at Saint Sebastian High School in order to one day attend Harvard and eventually get elected President of the United States. Wacky, right?

...In the Season 1 finale, we saw Payton and the rest of the gang decide that he would face off against New York's established Senate Majority Leader Dede Standish (Judith Light), vying for [her] seat while continuing on his path to becoming President of the United States. But why does he think he can beat her? She's in a secret thruple, which if exposed, could better his chances. So we'll for sure see that play out in an incredibly dramatic fashion. ...

Update: A 3-minute trailer is now out:




● Next up, there's Avocado Toast, a new Amazon Prime series from Canada in which two bi-discovering millennial women are, among other things, shocked to learn of mom and dad's swinging and polyamory. ‘Avocado Toast The Series’ creator Heidi Lynch says she outlined the queer show based on her own life (on Meaww, Media Entertainment Arts WorldWide, May 21)

Co-creators and stars Heidi Lynch and Perrie Voss

...Avocado Toast the collection is a considerate coming-of-age comedy that highlights sexual politics via the tales of a close-knit circle. By way of ten 15-minute-long neat episodes, creators Voss and Lynch inform the story of what occurs when two 30-somethings uncover extra about their dad and mom’s intercourse lives.

Molly (Lynch) and Elle (Voss) are childhood associates each coping with a disaster. After a lifetime of relationship males, Molly comes to find that she is bisexual after she falls for a girl. The character is based on Lynch’s private life.

Whilst Molly’s dad and mom are supportive of her sexuality, [she] finds herself fairly stunned by her dad and mom’s life-style. She refuses to speak to them and even shames them. ...

...There is a coming out story for almost every generation — Molly coming out to her mother Meredith (Mag Ruffman), who in turn comes out to Molly about her and her husband Francis' (Jefferson Mappin) poly lifestyle. Patricia, in a way, comes out too of the ageist closet that she has been confined to for the longest time. ...

And in Her magazine, Ireland edition, Creators of Avocado Toast the series talk sex, sexuality, and swinging (early May, undated)

..."We received an education from the bi community who said they felt invisible and unseen. They said: 'If you're going to make a show about this, could you at least say the word?' "

...As the series unfolds, Molly learns that her mother and father are actually swingers who throw sex parties, while Elle discovers that her own parents are getting a divorce — and are, unfortunately for her, ready to start dating again. ...

"Nobody wants to think about their parents having sex," adds Heidi. ...

The series' Facebook page. And trailer:



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● With a title like this it ought to end badly, but no.... I Accidentally Ended Up In a Polyamorous Triad — Here's What I Learned from It (May 20). This sprightly piece appears in Shape, a women's magazine mostly about fitness and eating.

The beauty of non-monogamy is that you can tear down the social and emotional constructs you've been fed and DIY a unique dynamic that ebbs and flows and works for you. Here's how that went for me.

Hello World / Getty

By Charyn Pfeuffer

...As a solo polyamorous woman, I was already involved in a handful of concurrent consensual non-monogamy (CNM) relationships when I met John* on Tinder. We met for brunch, drank a bunch of old fashioneds, then went back to my place and had sex (even though he adamantly prefaced and punctuated the date by saying that he did not have sex on first dates). ... I found his sweetness endearing. We started dating.

...I was a patient partner as he and Lynn worked through the many first-time hurdles of having an open marriage. I prefer to practice kitchen table polyamory (KTP), a dynamic where partners and metamours (a partner's partner — in this case, Lynn) all know each other, and in theory, would feel comfortable sharing space together for coffee or a meal. It entails a certain "we're all in this together" mentality.... KTP isn't a requirement in my relationships, but it sure does make life easier. ... [But Lynn] was standoffish at best.

(Accidentally) Becoming a Triad

Two months later, I had tickets for a local burlesque show and decided to invite John and Lynn. The invitation was an olive branch of sorts. I wanted to get to know her and for us to spend some time together. If we didn't click, I wasn't going to push it any further. I've learned that if I meet my metamours, it makes them less scary, less of a threat, and I can appreciate that we're all dating the same person.

All dressed up, we grabbed dinner at a local Caribbean spot. Everything was copacetic and convivial, and as we left, John grabbed both of our hands as we headed to the show. I was happy; it seemed like progress.

John sat between us during the performance, but there was palpable chemistry between Lynn and I. When he got up to get us drinks, I got my flirt on. Hard. After the performance, Lynn and I kissed in the hallway of the venue. We all ended up going back to my place and had a threesome. And that's how I accidentally ended up in a triad, aka a "throuple" or a three-way relationship.... Essentially, a triad requires managing four individual relationships: those between each partner, and the group dynamic as well.

[Who Created Your Rules of Love — You or Others?]

There was really no discussion amongst us — it just kinda happened. ... In hindsight, I realize that Lynn isn't the type of woman I typically date. But she was sweet and sexy, and I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt bad she was having a hard time dating outside her marriage. She was bi-curious and hadn't been with a woman before, and I've been known to readily assume the role of sex sherpa for other people's "firsts."

Immediately, John started keeping score. He'd report on whether Lynn was pleased with the quantity and quality of communication I was giving her. I'm not a big fan of sleepovers with partners but somehow managed to have peaceful nights with John. Slumbering with Lynn was a hit or miss scenario, but time was divided fairly equally, and although it was never spoken, sleepovers were no exception. I loved snuggling with Lynn. It just didn't need to be an all-night event every time.

Don't get me wrong. I loved John and cared about Lynn immensely. But planning and dividing time between two people, then trying to schedule time with all of us (because remember, a triad requires managing four individual relationships), was overwhelming. Not to mention expensive. They rarely paid for anything, and that's my fault for not setting a firm financial boundary. ...

The good outweighed the bad, though. We had some great adventures, and there was a lot of love and respect between the three of us. And for six months, we had regular, mind-blowingly good threesomes.

Spoiler: It ended. ...

In retrospect, I took on too many "firsts." It's challenging to be a couple's first polyamorous experience, first threesome experience, first kink experience, and someone's first same-sex experience. Any one of those aspects would be a lot to navigate, in and of itself. I took them all on with a couple who'd just opened their marriage and had no experience in CNM.

...Nowadays, I screen dates way more carefully. I steer clear of newly-divorced people and just-opened relationships. I have a lot of sexual and dating experience; I'm not a 101-level partner. I get that everyone needs to start somewhere, but I'm tired of being part of the prerequisite learning curve on non-monogamy (or queerness or kink).

My Tinder profile now reads: "If you're not experienced with consensual non-monogamy, we're probably not a good fit."

Writer's Note: For people curious about learning more about CNM relationship models, Amory is a beautifully raw and frank podcast on exploring polyamory. Also, Opening Up by Tristan Taormino is my go-to guide for beginners.

● Some people like audio more than text, and you can't read while driving. Two months ago contributor Bailey on Autostraddle suggested 11 Books for Getting Started with Polyamory and Non-Monogamy. Now they're back with 8 Podcasts to Get Started With Polyamory and Non-Monogamy (May 19). Actually, these are 8 particular podcast episodes:

Adulting #51
“When Does Monogamy Fail?

All My Relations #5
“Decolonizing Sex”

Bi Any Means Podcast #152
“Polyamory Panel”

Black Radical Queer #17
“I Gotta Be A Sister Wife?!”

I Said What I Said #20
“Polyamory vs. Longevity”

Loving Without Boundaries #64
“Psychologist, Professor, LGBTQ+ Researcher”

Multiamory Podcast #181
“Settler Sexuality”

Polyamory Weekly #558
“When to Give Up on Polyamory”

Click to the Autostraddle page for the links and paragraph descriptions.


● Our British tabloid happy-poly story of the week. As usual the polyfam is actually in the USA, this time in Nashville: Polyamorous parents who have been together for a decade invite dance teacher couple to join their relationship and live in their home – and their children even see them as 'godparents' (Daily Mail, May 14). With piles of pix and a well-produced 8-minute video:

Matt and Carmen, from Nashville, Tennessee, who share a six-year-old and a three-year-old, appear to have a conventional-looking family setup, but had often talked about opening up their marriage.

When they started swing dancing lessons they instantly clicked with their teachers, Brooklyn and Keith, and after broaching the subject of an open relationship with the pair, the foursome, who have been dating as a quad for eight months, now live together.

One summer evening, while having some drinks round their pool, conversation came around to open relationships and the fact that Brooklyn and Matt and Keith and Carmen were attracted to each other.

...'We all hung out a couple of times, [and] it happened pretty quickly and very organically, too,' Carmen added.

...Brooklyn and Keith officially moved into Matt and Carmen's family home just a few months after they all started dating.

The foursome split their time between their original relationships, which they dub 'OG', and the new partnerships, now describing themselves as a closed heterosexual quad.

Carmen and Matt's children think of Brooklyn and Keith as 'godparents that lived with them', and the two couples enjoyed hanging out as an extended family of six, as well as double dating.

'Kieran and Ellie know that Brooklyn and Keith are part of the family and that we all love them very much,' Carmen said of her children's reaction to their parents' polyamorous relationship. ...

...They believe polyamory is the way forward in modern living, and hope their relationship is a testament to this. ... 'I've seen a lot of monogamous relationships [where] they just make it work and that's not something that me and Carmen wanted to do,' Matt said. 'We didn't want to just make it work for 20 years, 30 years. 'We wanted to actually live a loving life.'...

● On a different plane, a Science Direct notice of a report in the journal Cell Systems is titled Neural Polyamory: One Cell Forms Meaningful Connections with Hundreds of Partners (May 20). "Reconstruction of one thalamic neuron, mapping hundreds of presynaptic inputs and postsynaptic outputs, reveals diverse types of interaction in a neural microcircuit." Postsynaptic readers are presumed to get it.

That's Friday Polynews Roundup for now! See you next Friday, unless something big happens sooner.

Oh, and I'll have something you're probably not expecting on Monday the 25th, Memorial Day.

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Friday Polynews Roundup — Polyfolks cope with coronavirus, LDRing across town, 'Trigonometry' and other TV, and a happy quad is spotlighted

It's Friday Polynews Roundup again — for March 20, 2020.

● We'll all need plenty of light-hearted diversion to get through the coming months, so a locked-down cartoonist who goes by the handle ELS_COMICS posts on Reddit, "I’m in Italy. We are in home isolation. The lockdown is little bit lonely, so I made this out." Here are two.

They've done a bunch more. Okay they're not Kimchi Cuddles, and Kimchi isn't Calvin & Hobbes, but we're a community, right?

Speaking of Kimchi, this is just up. Some people self-isolating for healthy reasons now may have done it for unhealthy reasons before:

Let's get through the rest of the poly-and-coronavirus stuff first:

● How Coronavirus Is Impacting Polyamorous Relationships. Short basics from Bustle that IMO don't do justice to the scope of the topic (March 16, 2020).

By Griffin Wynne

...A well-meaning elbow bump can be as a heartfelt as a big, bear hug. ... And for those participating in non-monogamy or currently seeing more than one person, coronavirus is impacting polyamorous relationships in a multitude of ways....

According to Dr. Natasha Bhuyan, MD at One Medical, any extended contact with others can increase the risk of contracting or spreading the virus for everyone....

But for Viv, 27, an office admin from Atlanta who is in a long-term relationship with a nesting partner (aka a partner they live with) and dating another partner, self-quarantining may provide a little much-appreciated time to focus on [the relationships]. "Now that virtually all group gatherings are canceled, I may have more time for my partners," they tell Bustle. "I like long phone calls and texting convos, and sexting is something that has been a lot of fun in the past, so I imagine I'll be doing more of that."

...If you're currently living with multiple partners, experts say it's important to practice general safety precautions (like you would if you lived with roommates, family members, or literally anyone else). In addition to washing your hands frequently, not touching your face, and limiting non-essential travel, if you or the people you live with are showing symptoms, Dr. Bhuyan stresses the importance of self-isolating within your home. "For those who are in a home with someone who might have coronavirus, the person with symptoms should wear a mask to limit droplet transmission," Dr. Bhuyan says. "Additionally, if they ever cough, they should use a tissue and immediately discard it in the trash."

...If one person is more at risk to contract the virus than you or your other partners, Dr. Bhuyan suggests practicing greater social-distancing from them specifically. For Charlie, 31, a polyamorous filmmaker from Ohio, that might mean limiting contact with one of his partners, who has been traveling in the UK, for the time being. ...

● A deeper piece from Business Insider, Australia edition, worthy of more attention. How a polyamorous relationship expert is dating during the coronavirus, and what she advises non-monogamous clients (March 19).

Westend61 / Getty Images

By Canela Lopez

...Rachel Wright, a New York City-based relationship expert who is polyamorous, told Insider she is changing the way she dates to stop the spread of coronavirus, and has noticed concerns from her non-monogamous clients about how social distancing will impact their love lives.

“It’s no question that social distancing and polyamory are very challenging to pair together,” Wright told Insider. “Setting up in-person first dates are on hold for me because I’m committed to stopping the spread of this and doing whatever I can to help.”

Wright gave Insider some of the best tips for maintaining polyamorous love in the time of coronavirus.

Talk to your partners about what their needs are during the pandemic.

According to Wright, the first step to maintaining a healthy relationship with your partners during the time of social distancing is having a conversation about needs.

“Everyone has different needs, wants, and concerns during times like this – especially since this is completely unprecedented in our lifetimes,” Wright said. “We have to communicate with each other about what we’re feeling, thinking, needing, and wanting – and ask the people we care about how they’re doing, what they’re feeling, thinking, needing, and wanting.”

Asking your partner what kind of communication they need to feel supported and loved, even when physical touch is no longer an option, is crucial. That way you can develop a plan to keep everyone feeling cared for – even if you can’t be there in person.

Making an effort to also communicate your needs will help give your partners an idea of what would make you feel cared for and seen during the pandemic.

Use technology to stay connected – schedule cute phone calls and video-chat dates

...“Some of my clients and friends who struggle with texting, ‘don’t like’ technology, or have been resistant to communicate via text or video chat are feeling frustrated and disconnected,” Wright said.

While adjusting to dating completely online can be difficult, Wright said it’s important for people to maintain contact with other human beings – and once you get the hang of it, the dates can be fun.

...“While I can’t meet up with people right now, there’s definitely time and space to meet new people online and connect with them via text or video chat.”

Instead of a typical dinner date, have a box of wine sent to their house and FaceTime them. If you can’t go on a walk together in person, take them with you on your daily walk via FaceTime.

Virtual dating also means the opportunity to possibly perfect your phone and video sex technique.

“Phone sex is a good time to actually talk to your partners about what they want sexually or what they fantasize about,” phone sex operator Stephanie Cathcart told Refinery29.

If you live with one partner but have other partners, it’s important to set boundaries and make virtual time for your other partners

...Wright said establishing boundaries around time and dates for your partner not living with you is important to set up clear guidelines on how dating multiple people will work without necessarily having physical space from your other partner.

● Then again, you may find yourselves more together than you planned. From New York magazine's "The Cut": What It’s Like to Isolate With Your Girlfriend and Her Other Boyfriend (March 18)

The Cut

By Madeleine Aggeler

...Relationships are being put to the test. ... The situation is even more complicated when you’re staying inside not just with your partner, but with your partner’s partner as well.

For the past few days, comedian Billy Procida, host of The Manwhore Podcast, has been hunkered down at his girlfriend Megan’s house in Jersey City, where she lives with her other boyfriend, Kyle (a pseudonym). This is Billy’s first polyamorous relationship, and while he doesn’t know his metamour Kyle that well, he says he’s doing his best to respect his space. Here’s how he’s holding up so far, in his own words. ...

...Can you tell me a little bit about your current living situation?

I live in Brooklyn, and my girlfriend and metamour live in Jersey City. ... I was only going to spend a couple of nights here, but I’m feeling like we’re moving closer and closer to an actual shutdown of New York City, and I don’t want to be stuck there if they close the bridges and tunnels. I have a car and I brought a bunch of stuff, so I am temporarily hunkering down here.

What’s the setup? Where are you sleeping? What are you all doing during the day?

They have a two-bedroom apartment here, so I have been staying in the guest room. For the last couple of nights Megan’s slept in bed with me. But then last night, she fell asleep with me, and I woke up alone. I guess at some point in the night she went to Kyle’s room and slept with him. We’re on day four of me being here. ... This is probably the most he and I will have exchanged words. So, it is interesting, I’m getting to interact with him more. But I am personally approaching everything with a lot of caution, and trying to be as polite as possible. Because I’m in their space, I’m in his space, and I don’t wanna be encroaching on that. So if he’s like, “You need to open a window to smoke weed,” I’m like, okay, I will make sure to do that.

...I also don’t want any romantic strains on anybody. They’ve also been going through some relationship difficulties themselves, and I don’t want to exacerbate that by being a dick, or being entitled. But so far, it’s going okay. I’m trying to be polite without being too much. He’s kind of a somber, quiet fella, and I am ready to burst with energy at any moment.

And with Megan it’s been good. She manages who she spends her time with how she does. I can take as much or as little as she gives, so I keep reminding her that if she wants to spend a couple of nights sleeping in bed with Kyle, that’s great. I’m very flexible.

What has been the biggest adjustment for you with this situation?

Trying to be as self-aware as possible. ...

...There’s a part of me that’s relieved that Megan has another person here, because then I don’t have to be everything to her. I don’t have to give her all the attention that’s needed, I don’t have to give her all of the cuddles that are needed, because she has another partner. In general, that’s the really cool thing about polyamory: I don’t feel the pressure of being everything for someone. And in a more stressful time like this, it is a relief to know that if I need to have alone time, she’s good with that, and if she does have a need, she can tap somebody else, so to speak.

● An advice columnist for a local biweekly in Iowa City suggests some caution criteria: Is it irresponsible to date around during a pandemic? in Little Village (March 19):

Dear Kiki,

My partner and I have recently opened up our marriage and TBH I’ve been super excited about getting started after pushing the idea for years. ... Should we consider closing up shop till the CDC says the coast is clear?

—Love in the Time of Coronavirus

Dear Love in the Time,

...I have yet to see specific recommendations against casual dating, and that’s all the typical open marriage entails. If we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic, I’d still recommend against going out on a first date (or a date night with your spouse, for that matter) if you were feeling under the weather. This should be no different. ...

There are some caveats, of course. ...

1) If you’re on the apps, you’re talking about someone you might not even know. [But where to meet? Many public places are closed, but,] whether it’s your place or theirs in consideration, I’m gonna have to ask you to NOPE right out of that situation, pandemic or no.

...Are you or your partner over the age of 60? Immunocompromised? Please, don’t open yourself up to risk. ...

She then gives a "hard no" to crowded swing parties, or if anyone's "been to a high-risk [area] in the last few weeks," etc. "And remember: Chatting online or on the phone can be quite pleasurable as well, and (if you’re looking to develop relationships, not just find sex partners) a great way to get to know someone better."


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On to other topics! Let's do the developments on TV.

● The BBC's new series "Trigonometry" about a poly triad premiered last Sunday, March 15, and it's supposed to air on HBO in North America at some future date. A few days ago I posted about three reviews: in the Guardian ("Bracing TV to make you sit up on your sofa"), the Telegraph ("Less a controversial drama about polyamory than a lovely study of relationships.... Disarming in its moments of sweetness"), and Radio Times ("Trigonometry lives up to its name in the sense that it can be confusing and sometimes a bit dull.... A very slow burn.") Plus my scenario for the kind of polyfamily dramedy that might achieve "Big Bang Theory" success.

Since then another review is in, from the UK's iNews: A touching love triangle that gets under the skin of modern London life (March 15)

What could have been a flashy trash-fest was a sensitive and funny study of modern relationships between likeable, believable characters

BBC / House Productions / Mark Johnson

By Jeff Robson

...Writers Duncan Macmillan and Effie Woods have crafted a sensitive, funny and perceptive low-key study of modern relationships that gets under the skin of big-city life and leaves the viewer simply hoping that three likeable characters will find happiness.

Kieran is an Army veteran addicted to “doing something” all the time, whose remedy for insomnia (or avoiding difficult conversations) is to go on a long, punishing run. Gemma is beginning to realise she’s not as young and trendy as she used to be and has trouble adjusting to being the boss in the café and the adult in the relationship, while Ray is a self-confessed “nerd” struggling to get the hang of the “normal life” thing after a lifetime of over-achievement and parental pressure.

...The triangle's development should provide enough dramatic meat during the rest of the eight-episode run.... The incidental details and dialogue – drag nights at the revamped local boozer, a rant against “cashew milk” – gave it the air of a This Life for the 2020s.

● On ABC primetime, "The Connors" left off in Episode 14 with a storyline teaser about middle-aged Jackie getting invited for a hot threesome date with a couple. It turns out nothing comes of it; on Episode 15 Jackie arrives at the home of the eager unicorn-seekers, who within seconds have such a jealousy spat that they break up on the spot. (Video clip if you really want it.) Then later we see Jackie working her waitress job and getting hit on by a strange-looking couple at a table (a cameo by strange-looking Ozzy Osbourne), now that the gossip about her supposed threesome is all over town.


● Some shows delight in ugly. "Fatal Vows" is a specialty murder-of-spouses show (on the Investigation Discovery true-crime channel) that describes itself thusly: "When marriages fail, divorce can turn ugly and even deadly. What was once a passionate union becomes spite, greed, backstabbing, and betrayal. 'Fatal Vows' explores tumultuous, shocking, and high-stake divorces and the deadly murders linked to them."

The March 13th show (season 7, episode 6) was titled "No Harmony in Polyamory". The blurb: "When an open-minded foursome soon discovers that there is no harmony in polyamory, someone must pay the ultimate price for free love."


● In the UK's Independent, 'Five Guys a Week' flirts with polyamory but doesn’t have the guts to go all the way (March 17). "Five Guys a Week" is a new show on the UK's Channel Four that tries to take "The Bachelorette" one step beyond. " 'While initially the format allows contestants to flirt with the concept of polyamory, a ‘happy ending’ still means finding The One,' writes Annie Lord":

Over the course of each episode, one chosen lady gets to know five men simultaneously. That means a coronavirus hellscape wherein she talks, snogs, cooks, parties, slobs on sofas, drinks tea, introduces parents and friends, with all the guys, all at the same time. Each day, she ejects a man from her house until only the winner is left.

Talk about missing the concept.


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On to other matters.

● In the alt-weekly Valley Advocate of Western Massachusetts, from therapist and sex educator Yana Tallon-Hicks: V-Spot: The non-monogamous rumor mill and me (March 17):

After 16 years of monogamy, my wife and I decided to try polyamory a few years ago. It’s going well and we’ve grown a lot. Our marriage is truly stronger than ever. ... The thing is, we live in a small town... and it’s become pretty obvious that our marriage has been a topic of conversation around town. ...

I can imagine people thinking “He must not really satisfy his wife” or “He’s a fool for letting her sleep with other guys,” etc. I’m aware these are very patriarchal and outdated criticisms but damn, it’s hard to shake them. Maybe people are jealous of the freedom that we have. I just feel embarrassed sometimes and really can’t figure out how to move past these feelings.

I also worry that once our kids are teens they might be subjected to ridicule about this. As progressive as The Valley is, polyamory isn’t exactly accepted by society.

How do I stop giving a fuck?

Signed, Proud to Be Polyam?

Dear Proud?,

Personally, I feel a lot of power in being as out as possible. Not only does being out signal my own confidence in who I am, it also makes the socially taboo aspects of my life more visible for others who may be struggling to accept those same aspects about themselves in their own lives. If I ever had to hire a public relations professional, I’d opt for the one that was all about “get ahead of and control the message,” meaning if you write the story, other people are less likely to write it for you.

...The other reality is that we are social pack animals, biologically hardwired to do what it takes to stay in our peers’ good graces for survival. And, importantly, being able to be out without serious employment, social, religious, and even legal ramifications is a giant privilege.

We are fortunate to live in a place where the politics are liberal, non-monogamous families grace the cover of our local alt newspaper, and polyamorous meet-up groups are commonplace. And, that certainly won’t protect you from the darling rumor mill.

My direct advice is to speak openly about your happy non-monogamous life to the people who are already gossiping about you (and therefore already know). You’ve got kids, so you’re probably familiar with the ol’ if your kid falls down in the playground and you react calmly, so will they. Same idea — you have the power to set the tone here whether that’s one of “You’re right, I’m so ashamed” or “I feel totally good about this and maybe you should, too.”

Connect to other non-monogamous families who are undoubtedly grappling with the same worries and can offer support, advice, and empathy. Personally, I can certainly imagine a future where our children are all so done with monogamy that they’ll roll our eyes when we attempt to reassure them that all relationship styles are valid but, of course, we can never be sure nor protect our children from ridicule whether we remain monogamous or not. ...

● The lesbian online magazine Autostraddle suggests 11 Books for Getting Started with Polyamory and Non-Monogamy, with one-paragraph summary reviews (March 19).


● And to close, this time the British tabloids spotlight a quad: Married couple 'in love' and plan to have children – despite having other partners (the Mirror, March 19). Lotsa pix and a video.

Married couple Bettina and Tavish say they are deeply in love and plan to have children together who will also be brought up by Bettina's boyfriend Adam, and Tavish's girlfriend Ellie. (Barcroft Media)

 
Bettina and Tavish live in Massachusetts, along with Bettina's boyfriend Adam and Tavish’s girlfriend Ellie.

The polyamorous quad say their decision to open up their relationships has been met with disapproval and bafflement from outsiders – although all their family have been supportive of their multi-love approach.

Bettina and Tavish first considered opening up their marriage because of Bettina’s agoraphobia, which made it difficult for her to socialise as much as Tavish liked.

“He wants to go to clubs, he wants to go on road trips, I can't do that. So it was a way for me to encourage him to explore his hobbies and interests with other people who shared them without pressuring me into stepping out of my comfort zone.”

...Tavish said: “All my life I had always kind of had a hard time only liking one person at once, so keeping my crushes to myself was kind of hard, even though Bettina could totally pick up on it. So, I don’t know, when we decided to officially be poly, it just kind of felt like a weight was lifted off of me.”

...Tavish’s girlfriend Ellie is also married. Her husband and childhood sweetheart is currently living in a different state while he finishes grad school. She said: “My husband and I, we decided to be poly, openly started dating other people, about five or six years ago.

“And then a couple months later I met Tavish and, it was a whirlwind kind of thing.”

By this time Bettina had also met her boyfriend Adam and he’d already moved in with Tavish and Bettina.

...Adam is the only one of the four to be dating one person (Bettina) exclusively. And while the four adults all live together under one roof, they are not all in relationship with one another. There is nothing physical or romantic between the same sexes.

Tavish said: “Adam and I have a very bro relationship with without being bromantic.”

Ellie describes hers and Bettina’s relationship: “like non-romantic partners”, with Bettina joking they are “sister wives, without the religious connotations of sister wives.”

...In many ways, the challenges of being in a polyamorous relationship are no different to a monogamous one, says Tavish. ...

That's Friday Polynews Roundup for now! See you next Friday, unless there's big news sooner.

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Friday Polynews Roundup — Triad storyline on "The Connors," Black Poly Nation gets TV rep, loving polyfamily profiles, community dreams, and evangelical worry that this all hits too close to home

Welcome again to Friday Polynews Roundup, for February 28, 2020.

● We begin with something a bit different. The attractiveness of polyamory for good, decent people has become deeply concerning to Albert Mohler, the very public president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, one of the largest training institutions for America's largest Protestant denomination. In 2003 Time called him the "reigning intellectual of the evangelical movement in the U.S." When he talks great numbers listen, and many of them are serious and intelligent people.

This morning he put up a long article expressing concern that polyamory is turning into such a thing that some leading evangelicals seem to be wavering about its wrongness: Polyamory in Evangelical Headlines? A Signal We Can’t Miss and a Challenge We Can’t Avoid (Feb. 28).

The headlines in question arise from that article last October in Christianity Today, America's flagship evangelical magazine, by two pastors coping with the "un-biblical" but sincere polyamorous relationships that some of their parishioners live in and come to them seeking advice about.

Mohler and the two earlier pastors agree that this is against doctrine and wrong. But how to deal with it without driving church members out of the church altogether? Mohler writes:

Christianity Today, often identified as the flagship magazine of American evangelicalism, ran an article a few weeks ago with the title, “Polyamory: Pastors' Next Sexual Frontier.” Now, as we seek in worldview analysis to understand cultural and moral change, we need to recognize that sometimes that change is signaled by how and when and where an argument appears. In this case, we're talking about Christianity Today.

...The article begins by telling us about a couple, Tyler and Amanda. They're married to each other, and yet, there enters into their relationship another man, and Amanda develops a romantic relationship with this second man. They began, "Exploring polyamory."

Then, the article tells us, "Making the situation even more complex, Tyler and Amanda sought counseling from a Christian counselor who advocated polyamory."...

The authors write, "How can pastors and leaders prepare to address questions related to polyamory? Several pastors tell us it's becoming more common for people who identify as poly to ask about their church's view on the matter. Will they be accepted and affirmed?” They go on to write, "The discussion is still young enough that most pastors have some time to construct a robust, compassionate, thoughtful response to the question, 'Is your church inclusive of people who are poly?' " Now, this is a very strange approach for an article to take that will be published in Christianity Today, but it gets stranger when the authors write, "Another important pastoral step is to distinguish elements of polyamory that are in violation of God's will from elements that are simply culturally unfamiliar to us." [All emphases are mine –Ed.]

"When we want to lovingly call people to repentance," they write, "We should be precise about what needs repentance and what relationships or elements can and should be sanctified in Christ. For example," they continue, "The notion of kinship in polyamory is a secular echo of the way Scripture calls the church to function as a new family. In cultures that idolize individualism, but actually isolate individuals, polyamory's focus on relationship, care, and affection could have a powerful pull." They continue, "And in churches that idolize marriage and the nuclear family, polyamory's focus on hospitality and community can be an attractive alternative." This paragraph concludes, "We can acknowledge that many of the elements that draw people to polyamory, deep relationships, care for others, hospitality and community are good things."

...Perhaps the biggest issue at stake in the appearance of this article is the fact that it appeared.... I am perhaps most haunted by the question that is asked early in the article when speaking of those who are involved in polyamory and asking about the church, and whether or not in the church, "Will they be accepted and affirmed?" Buying into that kind of formula is extremely dangerous for the church of the Lord Jesus Christ. ...

I do agree with the point made in this article that polyamory or polygamy represents the new front that all pastors and churches are going to have to deal with. We're going to be confronted every single congregation one way or another by this challenge. ... The fact that this article appeared as it did, where it did, in the pages of Christianity Today is a signal to us. ... We are looking here at a signal we can't miss and a challenge we can't avoid.

Meanwhile, a variety of Christians are not a bit hesitant to proudly proclaim that love is love and, within good ethics, the more the better. See my big roundup of such material last October, Poly & Christian — a huge and diverse field.


Meanwhile out in the secular world, events continue apace.

● Today (February 28) is Metamour Day, and I'm kinda proud of what I wrote about it and stuff that you did.

● Remember the therapist Dr. Karen Ruskin, the loud TV and radio denouncer of polyamory and open relationships? As I posted Wednesday, she finally admitted she was wrong:

Consensual non-monogamy is healthy and advantageous for some. Yes, this is a fact, based on client and non-client report. ... I heard other stories. Stories of great love and success opening up one’s heart, mind and body to additional people. Stories of personal and relational growth, discovery and connection. For many couples, Polyamory, Open marriages and Swinging is value add and opens up dialogues with one’s spouse/primary mate that would otherwise never have been discussed. ...

● Ever more triad-family profiles keep appearing in the British tabloids. Here's just one, in the Daily Mail: Childhood sweethearts who invited a single mother to join their marriage insist being a 'throuple' makes them BETTER parents because there's an extra person to give their children attention (Feb. 26).

It comes with lots of pix and this extraordinarily fine, nearly 8-minute video doc of the family, including a visit by the kids' skeptical grandmothers who are won over:

By Jessica Green for Mailonline

...High school sweethearts Leo Barillas, 35, and Mary Barillas, 31, met estimator Kimberlee Slagle, 29, all of Washington State, at their CrossFit gym business in 2015 and became fast friends.

As they spent more time together, their friendship blossomed into a romantic attraction and they formed a thruple in September 2016.

Kimberlee and her two children, Keagen, 11, and Kymper, seven, joined the Barillas' and their two children Carson, nine, and Paige, four, at their home in June 2017, and they've been living under the same roof ever since.

They believe their triad relationship has benefited their youngsters and plan to expand their family, with Kimberlee and Mary hoping to fall pregnant at the same time.

Mother-of-two Kim explained: 'Having an extra body is so useful for parenting, it just means you're splitting the work between three rather than two.'

...'We weren't actively seeking a third,' explained Leo. 'Kim came into the picture as an athlete at the gym, we trained her and got to know her.

'We became friendly and would have her over socially, then that progressed into a sexual thing. It was actually Kim who said "I don't know if I can come and hang out at the weekend because I'm growing feelings for you both of you"'.

Kim added: 'I understood that they were a married couple but I could feel my feelings changing and so I started to pull away. It was incredibly hard for me to tell them how I felt – it was a scary moment for me.'...

...Thankfully, family members have been accepting of their arrangement and even the kids enjoy having another parent around.

Keagan, 11, admitted: 'I like it better having three parents because you have more people to talk to.'

...They share their family life on Instagram under the handle, @pnwtriad16, and want to inspire others to be honest with who they are - even if that differs to what's considered 'normal' by society.

● Oh alright, here's another one, also from the Daily Mail (one day later), also with beautiful pix and video: Mother who is in a polyamorous triad reveals she is raising her baby to be GENDERLESS, as she shares how she is co-parenting the nine-month-old child with both of her live-in lovers (Feb. 27). This group lives in Austin, Texas.

A mother who is in a relationship with both a man and another woman has revealed how she is raising her baby to be genderless - while sharing co-parenting duties with both of her live-in partners.

Brittany Taylor, 32, from Rhode Island, has been in an open relationship with her nine-month-old baby's father Conor McMillen, 36, from California, for more than four years, after meeting him at a health festival in New York.

However, in 2018, she met and became romantically involved with Bridgette Wolleat, 30, who soon after moved in with Brittany and Conor in their home in Austin, Texas, where she continues to enjoy a relationship with Brittany while helping to raise the couple's child Ilya.

Brittany, Conor, and Bridgette with baby Ilya.

Brittany and Conor firmly believe that their fluid, sex-positive relationship - with each other and with their external partners - will have a positive influence on their child, Ilya. In fact, they credit their way of life with providing Ilya with important lessons about love, unconditional support, and the importance of being yourself.

The couple have also decided not to gender Ilya and use non-binary pronouns.

...Despite oftentimes having separate intimate partners, Brittany and Conor attribute their openness and honesty with strengthening the bond they share with each other.

The couple regularly share videos with their 55,000 YouTube subscribers talking about their unique family dynamic. Brittany and Conor have received a positive response to this and hope to continue to promote and normalize fluid, healthy relationships.

'We share co-parenting with Ilya. We split it really evenly,' Brittany said.

...'The relationships we have with each other are so important because they set the vibe that Ilya is in. We're all really intentional about how we show up and the basis of that is so much love and encouragement for everybody to be supportive of each other.

...'It's really common for us to say polyamorous. We've used the word triad before. We've used metamours, but we like the term relationship anarchy. It means there are no words to describe what we're doing.

'We've had such a positive response, which makes sense because of the way we're going about it. So many people reach out to us and say, "I do things totally different, but I love what you're sharing, and I see so much value in it."

'Parents reach out to us and say, "I'd love to have more tribe, more family, more community around me."

'I think that's an innate truth that we used to do this more in tribes. I think it's a lot for people to take on, and it's a lot to do with stress and endurance. So many people can appreciate the vision of being in a community which can help and support them and their children.

'Things like competition and jealousy fall away when you're in this space of thinking we're all doing this together. We really love that undertone of unity and encouragement of the individual in the collective. ...

● On Houston's FOX 26 TV, "The Isiah Factor Uncensored," hosted by Isiah Carey, advertises that it "takes a no-holds-barred look at issues facing Houston's black community." On Thursday Feb. 27 he did a 10-minute interview with a polyfamily of five.



It all began when Shalaun Porter, Alex's wife (at center in the photo below), saw a positive TV show perhaps rather like this one and broached the idea to him. But says Shantell (to the right of Alex) "It was not the best start"; she and Alex cheated outside the marriage. However, Shalaun got past her hurt about it and decided, "I was willing to open up my home and meet her."

It worked, and Shalaun and their two kids (who come on halfway through; they're at left in the picture) consider Shantell an effective other mother. Says Shantell, "They took me in as their own, and I took them in as my own." Although the kids sometimes have trouble getting the situation across to their disbelieving friends.

The parents have faced public hostility but find great community support in the Houston branch of Black Poly Nation (@Black_Poly_Nation), and Alex gets a plug in for its three-day festival coming up in Houston in May. The family's own Facebook page is Portah Family, where we learn that they have represented in the local media before.


● A poly storyline drops into another broadcast comedy series, in the February 25th episode of ABC's "The Connors" (successor to "Roseanne"). From a plot summary: "Jackie hits it off with a fun married couple (guest stars and real-life husband and wife Clark Gregg and Jennifer Grey), so much so that they "invite" her into their relationship." (Season 2, Episode 14, "Bad Dad and Grads.") Did anybody watch?

Nor do the show writers seem about to let this drop. The next episode, #15, to air on March 17, is reportedly titled "Beards, Thrupples and Robots."


● At the University of Western Ontario, in the annual Sex Issue of the student Western Gazette, Poly and proud at Western (Feb. 25):

By Emily Tayler, News Editor

...The second-year studio arts major said her fears were common to people first opening themselves to more than one partner.

“One of my fears going into it … was that I’m not going to be the person. That’s something that’s pushed in our culture all the time, ‘the one,’” she says. “The idea that there could be more than one person being ‘the one’ is really scary, because then you think 'I’m not as valuable,' when that’s not true.”

...While monogamous couples find fulfillment in one person, polyamory can bring together any number of people.

While seeing a partner be romantic with another person can spur jealousy for monogamous people, polyamory is rooted in the idea of “compersion” — experiencing joy because somebody else is feeling joy.

“A good example [of compersion] is if your partner is having an intimate moment or a date night or whatever with another partner,” Rayne explains. “I’m really happy because my partner is having a good time and they’re enjoying that, so that makes me feel good.”

...Rayne explains there is still a lot of love between her and Bobby. They’re “metas” to each other: both romantically connected to the same person, but not connected on their own.

The throuple, a three-person couple, lives together with one large bed between them. But each plays a distinct role in the relationship.

...Adam never expected to be poly, but he was already intimately acquainted with the subject through his dad’s polyamorous relationship later in life. His father’s spouse was experiencing medical issues and the couple was having trouble with tasks like keeping the house clean and enjoying each other’s company. A childhood friend of his wife joined their relationship, and Adam says they’ve been incredibly happy ever since. ... “It’s like a relationship that’s a community.” ...

● At first glance I thought this one was satire — of a future when poly is standard and monogamists are the minority weirdos. But no, it's a gay guy telling about his real life in Metro UK, a free paper for bus and train commuters. I’m polyamorous but I’m in a monogamous relationship – and it works (Feb. 24)

By Luis Bracamontes

Deep down I’ve known it for years, but it took me a lot of courage and work on myself to finally admit it....

Luis Bracamontes photo

...But there’s a catch with my current situation: I have a boyfriend – and he’s a hundred per cent monogamous, and so is our relationship.

...After a lot of healthy and not-so-healthy talks where we would listen to each other’s needs and wants, we both agreed to be exclusive. Does it come naturally to me? Maybe not. Was I forced to make this decision? Not at all. Am I just waiting for him to change his mind? Definitely not.

...It’s definitely not fair for me to impose a lifestyle and vision that my partner doesn’t feel comfortable with. Relationships are about consent, mutual understanding and compromise.

...I don’t have to be having sex with other people to express my polyamory. For example, we openly talk about how we feel attracted to other people and we enjoy sharing photos of cute people with each other.

...The truth is: there is no perfect formula for alternatives to monogamy. It’s really a lot of trial and error and mostly having really, really good communication...

● Also in Metro UK, four days later: How to tell your partner that you want to be in a polyamorous relationship (Feb. 28):

By Almara Abgarian

...If you’ve been playing with the idea of a polyamorous relationship, tread with caution when bringing this up to your other half [sic]. To help you start what could become an awkward conversation (but hopefully one with a happy ending), here’s a handy guide on what to say, when to say it and what to do if your partner reacts negatively to the idea.

First, be absolutely sure that you want to do this. Polyamory works for a lot of people, but mentioning your desires about this to your partner could change the dynamic of your relationship, so don’t blurt it out after a few drinks in the pub or use it as an excuse to enjoy threesomes (that’s a completely different conversation).

And take some time to think about why you want a polyamorous relationship – and if you want emotional connections with other people, as well as physical (or purely want to sleep with other people, which isn’t the same thing).

‘Start this conversation at a good time when both you and partner are feeling OK,’ [Dr Martina Paglia] tells us. ‘Don’t start this conversation while having an argument, or when you or your partner are feeling nervous, worried, sad or frustrated over something, otherwise the situation may escalate and get out of control....

But… where to start?

‘Sweetheart (or use a pet name), I have something to tell you,’ is how Duchess Iphie, a relationship, sex and intimacy coach recommends that you start the conversation. ‘I love you very much but I have been exploring the idea of us being in an open relationship. This is not because you are not enough, but I want to explore my desires outside the confines of monogamous relationship. I know this may have come as a shock to you but can you tell me what you think?’

To me that sounds way too fraught and pressury. How about, sitting at the computer, "Hey, lookit this thing on the news. A bunch of people are all having relationships with each other and the couple is happy about it. What do you think about how that would work?" Keep it about something distant you observe together, and you'll get the unforced response that you need to hear. And if it's not to be, you can drop it with no harm done.


● In a similar vein, a morning TV show on Australia's 7News presents Open relationships: The pros and cons, and how to discuss it with your partner (Feb. 20). With 7 minutes of video and a text summary.


That's Friday Polynews Roundup for now! See you next Friday, unless something big happens sooner.

---------------------------

PSA: Upcoming polycons! Four polyamory conventions are scheduled for April: Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5; the traveling SoloPoly Conference, this time at a workspace in Manhattan, April 18-19; Rocky Mountain Poly Living in Denver, April 24-26; and RelateCon Boise in Idaho, also April 24-26.

If you've read this far and you're not yet going to any of the big, high-quality polyamory movement events, you should! See Alan's List of Polyamory Events for all 35 happenings on the calendar for the next 12 months.

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Yes, the dam is breaking. The exploding reaction to the polyam 'House Hunters' episode

Last week I reported about the Home & Garden Channel (HGTV) — usually the picture of middle-American blandness — featuring a triad with two kids on its "House Hunters" episode February 12. The trio were looking for a house with a "throuple-size kitchen" and a master bath with, ideally, three sinks.

Media outlets have leaped on this as an Event. I assume this means polyamory coverage brings them serious clicks.

The entire 24-minute episode has been popping up on YouTube and elsewhere and keeps getting taken down. Good luck. I don't find it yet on the House Hunters official site.

Here's a short video that People magazine added to its original breathless article that I already posted about, HGTV Features Its First-Ever Throuple on House Hunters: 'Representation Matters' (Feb. 13. Yahoo News has also reprinted that article and several of the others here.)




This morning (Feb. 20) another clip became E! Online's Clip of the Week, and from there it was picked up by MSN:




Many stories about the episode — many of them positive to enthusiastic — started appearing hours after it aired, and now the conservative/religious condemnations have also begun.

● On the website of NBC News, What's a 'throuple'? 'House Hunters' episode puts polyamory on the radar (Feb. 14)

By Tim Fitzsimons

Viewers of HGTV’s popular show “House Hunters” this week watched in shock — with a bit of awe — as a polyamorous “throuple” searched for a new home in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

“Buying a house together as a throuple will signify our next big step as a family of five, rather than all four of them plus me,” said Angelica, referring to her partners Lori and Brian and their two biological children. ...

During Wednesday’s episode, Brian revealed the trio tied the knot, so to speak, a few weeks ago in Aruba.

“In this country, of course, you can only be married to one other individual, so we joined with Angelica in a commitment ceremony,” Brian explained, adding that he always knew his legal wife, Lori, was bisexual. “This has nothing to do with church and state; it’s a commitment between the three of us. We are all equals in this relationship.”

By Thursday, “HGTV House Hunters” and “polyamorous throuple relationship” were trending search terms as viewers reacted to the triad with a mix of amazement, confusion and horror.

...A number of Twitter users questioned the practicality of the polyamorous homebuyers.

“The throuple on hgtv wants a room that fits all three of them and three sinks in the master bathroom,” one woman wrote. “Aint no body have a move in ready house with THREE SINKS.”

...Others said that they saw something of themselves in the throuple. “I think a lot about how in the hell I would ever find a house that would suit the family I envision myself someday having, so this House Hunters throuple thing is pretty dope actually,” tweeted Kat Veldt. “It's cool that people are talking about housing for families that aren't traditional nuclear structures. Love to see it.”

...At least one viewer, however, flagged the precariousness of Angelica’s financial and legal situation, since she, unlike Brian and Lori, has no legal status in the relationship.

“Unfortunately, if something were to happen, only one of those women has a legally recognized relationship, so they might in their heads think they are equal, but that third one is going to be left out in some way,” Ed Stein, a law professor at Cardozo Law School, told NBC News. “She lacks legal protections in the case of death or divorce or other problems, and that's why there's a need to do something to protect her.” [True. –Ed.]

Stein has for decades studied nontraditional relationship structures and how they relate to family law. Decades ago, these beyond-the-legal-pale relationships were gay partnerships, but after same-sex marriage was legalized across the U.S. in 2015, Stein turned his focus to other legally unrecognized relationships, like throuples.

Consensual nonmonogamy, which includes polyamory, is not uncommon, according to a 2016 study out of Indiana University published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, which found that over 20 percent of the several thousand U.S. adults surveyed reported having at some point in their lives experienced this nontraditional romantic arrangement. That finding held steady across age, education level, income, religion, region, political affiliation and race, but not gender and sexual orientation: Men and LGBTQ people were likelier to have experienced consensual nonmonogamy....

Custody disputes have raised the legal implications of multiple-party relationships in states like California, where Stein said judges have ruled that more than two parties — two biological parents and step parents, for instance — were legal guardians for children.

“The law does kind of catch up with reality, and family law is about people living their lives, and when enough people are living their lives that way with men and women in equal relationships, and women in the workforce, the law kind of catches up,” Stein said. ...

● In USA Today: HGTV features first-ever throuple on 'House Hunters'; viewers share praise, express shock (Feb. 13)

From left: Lori, Geli and Brian inspect a kitchen.

 
By Sara M Moniuszko

...During the episode, titled "Three's Not a Crowd in Colorado Springs," partners Brian, Lori and Angellica ("Geli") were moving to Colorado.... The house hunt had an extra layer of difficulty with only one week to "satisfy three very different personalities."

"Lori and I got married in 2002, and we have two kids..." Brian explained in the episode. "I understood from day one, even when we were dating, that Lori was bisexual... and so we evolved to a point where we were comfortable having another woman in our lives."

Geli said they met at a bar.

"I didn't plan on being in a relationship with a married couple, but it just happened very naturally, organically" Geli explained.

...In a statement provided to USA TODAY by spokesperson Chelsey Riemann, HGTV said, "We feature all homebuyers and living choices."

The episode elicited reactions from viewers on social media, with some praising the representation for polyamory. ... Others expressed their shock. ...

● From Newsweek (admittedly, a pathetic shadow of its former self): HGTV's 'House Hunters' Features First Polyamorous Relationship (Feb. 13):

...Some viewers praised the progressive representation, while others slammed HGTV for promoting the polyamorous relationship.

... House Hunters first aired on HGTV in September 1999. It has since prompted spin-offs like House Hunters International and House Hunters Renovation, among others. In the past, the series has included both gay and straight couples, though none have featured more than two partners.

...A long-standing joke about couples on House Hunters also surfaced in the conversations. Many viewers claim the relationships featured on the HGTV series are often dry or annoying. Brian, Lori and Geli won over the support of some viewers immediately.

...Other viewers were upset by HGTV's progressive inclusion. Many claimed that the idea of a polyamorous relationship is "not normal" and were stunned that the channel included their story. ...

More articles from HuffPost, Agence France-Presse, Glamour, Yahoo Celebrity, Insider, Good Housekeeping, Country Living....


● The LGBTQ press also took note. For instance in Queerty, House Hunters features polyamorous throuple hunting for a new home (Feb. 14):

...The three have since exchanged vows with in a commitment ceremony and are sharing the raising of the two kids, aged 10 and 12.

...At the end of their one-week search, Brian and Lori couldn’t decide on which home they liked best, so they gave Geli the deciding vote. They went with a home that was $15,000 over their $500,000 budget, but which offered spectacular mountain views – something they all loved.

● And in the queer Out Front, Polyamorous relationship featured on HGTV (Feb. 13)

The House Hunters triad with their real estate agent Andrew Goldberg, right.

 
By Arianna Balderrama

...Andrew Goldberg from Peak Properties Group was the [real-estate agent] to attend to the [three house-seekers]. ... Peak Properties Group was formed by Alex Tooke and his husband around nine years ago, driven by his passion for making buying a home easy and comforting for all comes from personal experience. The group loves to help other queer folks find their homes, but serves everyone. ...

● The entertainment-industry press is full of brief stories, such as this from E! News: HGTV Features First Throuple on House Hunters (Feb. 13)

By Chris Harnick

Just when you think you've seen it all on House Hunters, a show that has produced close to 2,000 episodes....

...House Hunters is an inherently social conversation-driving show, so having a throuple on it really got the commentary going. ... Some viewers embraced watching the trio search for a house.... While other viewers were a bit more snarky. "that awkward moment when you're a throuple but can only afford a $500k house," one user tweeted.

● And from Deadline: "In the words of HGTV’s first throuple, “I don’t want our bedroom to be weird. Unless we make it weird.” (Feb. 13).


● Conservatives glower. All the attention prompted Princeton University scholar Robert P. George, a leading Catholic crusader against gay marriage and personal self-determination in general, to tweet

The normalization of polyamory rolls down the track, just as I and others predicted it would. It was, as I said, less a "slippery slope" than a simple unfolding of the logic of social liberalism.

● From Michael Brown in the Christian Post, Mindlessly careening our way down the slippery slope (Feb. 18).

● From Paul Bois in The Daily Wire, HGTV’s ‘House Hunters’ Features First Throuple Family (Feb. 14)

History was made on HGTV this week when the show “House Hunters” featured its first-ever throuple in search of a home to settle down.

...The normalization of polyamory has become a topical subject in recent years with the advancement of same-sex marriage and gender fluidity. In 2019, the American Psychological Association even launched a task force designed to remove the “stigma” associated with it, even going so far to give the lifestyle its own politically correct term – “consensual non-monogamy.” ...

● P.S.: former California congresswomen Katie Hill (remember?) claims some indirect cred for the episode even happening. In Refinery29, Katie Hill Deserves Recognition For The House Hunters Throuple & She Knows It (Feb. 18).

Katie Hill (Presley Ann/ Getty)

By Sarah Midkiff

Former California Rep. Katie Hill continues to make her mark on progressive representation in the media, despite resigning from her position in Congress last year. ... On Saturday, Hill tweeted an article about an episode of HGTV’s show House Hunters featuring its first “throuple” in the show’s history. “You know, I’m gonna take at least partial credit for enough of society knowing this term for it to be on House Hunters. Just sayin,” she tweeted.

Hill pointed out that the article’s headline riffed off her longtime campaign slogan, too. “‘Representation matters’ has been my tagline since the beginning so I will take it,” she added.

...The term "throuple," gained significant recognition prior to Hill's resignation from her position as a U.S. representative in California’s 25th district after her personal life became irreparably public. She was part of an alleged throuple, between her, her ex-husband, and a former campaign aide.

During her first year in office, Hill was also subjected to revenge porn after a conservative site called RedState published personal text messages and photos of the alleged throuple, including nude photos of Hill. The House Ethics Committee announced it would pursue a formal investigation into Hill [regarding a different alleged affair, with a congressional subordinate] before she decided to resign from her post.

[On stepping down she said] “I’m leaving because of a misogynistic culture that gleefully consumed my naked pictures, capitalized on my sexuality, and enabled my abusive ex to continue that abuse, this time with the entire country watching,” Hill said in a speech. “Yes, I’m stepping down, but I refuse to let this experience scare off other women who dare to take risks, who dare to step into this light.”

P.P.S.: Another sign that polyamory draws clicks: Scammers have caught on. Many of my Google Alerts for the word nowadays point to sketchy foreign URLs with off-sounding titles, which, if I click them, cause my malware blocker (Avast) to pop up "Threat Blocked."

P.P.P.S.: About that damn word "throuple," yes I know. See story with graph near the bottom of this.

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