Polyamory in the News
. . . by Alan M.

May 29, 2020

Friday Polynews Roundup — A poly house's quarantine debate, negotiating a non-explosive bubble, 'Trigonometry' reaches American TV, and more

Welcome to Friday Polynews Roundup — for May 29, 2020.

● First a happy note: The "Trigonometry" series is now streaming in America. This is the BBC's new, much-noted romantic drama of three people who fall in love in London and become a triad. In the UK it's been on the air and streaming for weeks; I've quoted reviews. It went live in the US on Wednesday, as part of the new HBO Max paid streaming service.

Here's a new review published for the occasion, on IndieWire: ‘Trigonometry’ Romantic Drama Should Be Your Top HBO Max TV Priority  (May 27)

Trigonometry's polyamorous triad
From left: Kieran, Gemma, Ray

By Steve Greene

...“Trigonometry” finds itself in a delicate balancing act, outlining three individual relationships that have to be cohesive and distinct at the same time. ... The show captures the gradual progression from each [of the original couple] being taken with Ray on [her] arrival, to then finding the emotional bedrock to match that initial magnetic attraction.

That process is helped along by a patient, observant mode of visual storytelling that’s a perfect fit for Macmillan and Woods’ writing. ... There’s a particular rhythm to the way that “Trigonometry” floats around its characters as they’re trying to triangulate their own feelings.

It’s a kind of harmony that comes through in the trio of central performances, too. ... In the scenes where dialogue falls away and all that’s left is two or three people looking for something unspoken in each others’ faces, these are three performers more than capable of filling in those spaces with all the jumbled feelings that new and renewed love can bring.

Gemma, Kieran, and Ray have the kind of dynamic that sings on screen even when they’re trying to suppress it (either to themselves or to each other.) So “Trigonometry” also recognizes that the people in the circles around them would notice it, too. ...

...By the end of the season, there’s a strength in the bond between these three that’s forged because they embrace their uncertainty, not in spite of it. There are plenty of stretches where feelings of jealousy and regret and anger are unspoken — the points when Macmillan and Woods allow those to bubble into words are consistently surprising and done in different ways. Spontaneous outpourings of affection, thought-out written expressions of feelings, and frank discussions of boundaries — they all combine in this carefully constructed evolution of love.... 

Like any good relationship, it’s hard work. But there’s enough communication between characters (and between the storyteller and audience) to build something special.

Grade: A-


● Back to reality. New York magazine's "The Cut" presents How a 16-Person Poly Pod Is Isolating in Bushwick (May 26). You already know that it must be Hacienda Villa, right? The description of their house meeting is interesting enough that, for the historical record, I'm reprinting most of it. 

Lovers woodcut illo
Stevie Remsberg
By Emily Bobrow

[The pandemic] makes life complicated, or more complicated, for the 16 tenants of Hacienda Villa, a “sex-positive intentional community” in Bushwick, Brooklyn. The residents of this 15-bedroom converted Brownstone, all in their late 20s to early 40s, typically have several lovers and not a few sexual exploits on the side. They host scores of people for regular sex parties, sometimes several times a week. 

A polyamorous lifestyle is undoubtedly ill-suited to our germophobic moment. Yet, the Villa’s residents seem to have an edge when it comes to thorny conversations about health and risk. “We’re all about responsible humanism, so we’re used to talking about how our behavior affects other people,” Kenneth Play, a sex educator and co-founder of Hacienda Villa, said. “...I think the sex-positive community has something to teach in a time like this. ...” 

Hacienda Villa’s members moved quickly to respond to the pandemic. In a meeting on March 1, weeks before New York would report its first COVID-19 death and while the president was still promising the whole thing would disappear, they hashed out plans for regularly sanitizing the space and caring for potentially sick peers. Although they went ahead with a party planned for March 7, they offered refunds to anyone feeling ill, encouraged serious handwashing for everyone else, and promptly canceled all other events. By mid-March, they had quarantined a symptomatic roommate in his room and began limiting all lovers to primary partners, some of whom have moved in temporarily (a “corona bae”). Household meetings used to be potlucks once a month. Now they are weekly and conducted via Zoom. Residents also engage in a constant klatch over Slack. 

“We function like a business,” said one resident who asked to be called “Lady M.” (Most Hacienda members prefer to use aliases to keep their private lives from their work colleagues.) Her analogy felt apt on a recent Sunday night, as the Villa’s members all called in from different floors and rooms for their latest household teleconference. The discussion, with its mix of strident pronouncements and delicate notes of passive-aggression, bore all of the hallmarks of a fraught, overlong office meeting among polite colleagues. 

At issue was the fact that many of the tenants had interpreted a trial “lockdown” differently. Some thought it was still okay to venture out occasionally to see other people. Others left the house only when absolutely necessary, and always wore masks and gloves when they did. This “misunderstanding” was particularly irksome to those who embraced the stricter standards, many of whom argued they should be behaving as if they are all carriers of the disease. 

“Okay, I admit I was really angry and frustrated at all the variance to what I thought we agreed to,” said Kristin, her voice wavering with controlled emotion. “I just think we owe it to each other and the community to go above and beyond what the CDC is asking for.” 

Strider, a tenant with asthma — one of three in the building — insisted, with some impatience, that he felt just fine with the precautions everyone was taking already. “But we’re all doing different things!” complained Kristin. 

House Lion, Lady M’s husband and “human pet,” tried to appeal to the others by bringing the conversation back to more familiar issues of consent. “I need to understand everyone’s risk-tolerance profile so I can decide if I feel comfortable sitting and eating dinner with you,” he said. But his request to know just how often other people planned to leave the house was swiftly shot down by a resident named Om as “completely unrealistic.” 

In the face of this deadlock, Kristin suggested they should try to find common ground on what they do when they return home. “I think if anyone goes outside, they need to strip immediately and jump into the shower. I think it’s okay to ask that,” she said, her voice going up at the end, which made her statement a plaintive question. “We can make it sexy! I can lather you up and jump in with you!” 

“So, when we walk in the front door, we need to strip butt naked?” asked Play, his eyes squinting with slight incredulity. 

“I think it’s on brand, actually,” offered Zed Sultanof, the roommate in quarantine. 

By the end of the meeting, which lasted well over two hours, the Villa’s residents reached some compromises. They agreed to limit most avoidable contact with the outside world, and allowed a roommate to bring in another lover (“She’s a very careful person,” he promised.) They established a plan for cooking and cleaning for another quarantined tenant, who was due to return from a trip to Bali (“Check the Google doc for her allergies,” reminded Sultanof), and reaffirmed that masturbation was essential to any wellness plan. They did not quite reach consensus on how they should reenter the house, but insisted they would all talk it through with their floormates, and promised to check-in again in a week. “I love that we’re meeting more often now!” Lady M gushed. 

Play sighed. “This meeting was way too long,” he said. “I love poly people, but we are just overcommunicators sometimes.” 

●  How to think about these conversations, starting with yourself. Really, read this: Thinking About Expanding Your Polyamorous Quaranteam? by Libby Sinback. She's the Making Polyamory Work podcaster, "a queer polyamorous mom, relationship transformation coach," and speaker at polycons. Posted May 26.

We are up to four Google Docs going between my household and my partner’s household. ... We are using the docs to share our household procedures for coming home from the grocery store, whether or not we’re comfortable with our kids sharing space indoors, and what kinds of plans we are thinking about for the summer. It feels weirdly dystopian, but also kind of exciting.

Libby Sinback
We’re trying to hammer out how we can make a bubble together.

There have been several recent articles written about “Covid Pods” or “Quarantine Bubbles.” The idea is that you relax social distancing to include one or two additional households beyond yours that you can be in close contact with. It’s become official policy in countries like New Zealand and parts of Canada. In the US, with stay-at-home orders still in effect in many states and cases still on the rise, some US health officials are saying it may be too soon to do here [especially depending on where you are], though others are saying that it’s the best way to continue to contain the virus while helping to mitigate quarantine fatigue.

...Polyamorous people, hurting for a lack of in-person contact with partners that they don’t live with, may see creating a “germ pod” as a way to to reconnect with those partners. There are also certainly potential health risks in making a pod, both to the individuals within the group, and to the public health project of flattening the curve by containing the spread of the virus.

I’m not here to make a recommendation about whether or how you should expand your bubble to another household or two. My business is relationships. ... 

What I want you to know is that it’s [going to be] a big shift in your relationships with people in your pod. You are not just gaining some relief from social distancing; you are also establishing a greater level of intimacy. Even though you’re continuing to live separately, it’s almost like you’re moving in together. If you’re polyamorous, you might think you have the kind of experience around healthy communication and discussing risk to sail through the kinds of conversations you need to have, but this is different. For example, have you ever had to communicate to your partner's roommate in detail about what happened when you took your kid to the dentist? 

...I think there is potential for a bubble to be amazing, and for it to be a relationship-destroying disaster. If you want to navigate this new situation successfully, here are some key things to consider before you pod up.

The article is long, so here are mostly just the headings for the rest of it. But go read the whole thing.  

1 – First, get clear on why you’re doing this

    Why is this important to you? 
    What do you hope to get out of being connected? 
    What is your dream scenario? 
    What are you most worried about? 
    What makes it worth it to you to share risk? What risks or other factors would make it not worth it? 

2 – Go slowly and with care

This kind of relationship is potentially a step up in intimacy, transparency, and accountability between you and the people in your bubble. Not everyone is a fit for this kind of connection....

3 – Be Completely Transparent About Risks and Overcommunicate About Practices...

4 – Shift your mindset about autonomy...

5 – Accept that things may not be fair...

6 – When you disagree: don’t try to be right...

7 – Be gracious and accept this won't be perfect...

8 – Stay flexible and adjust...

●  Our trashy British tabloid happy-poly story of the week as also about quaranteaming. The Sun features a lucky three who found themselves bubbled together from the start: THREE LOVE. I’m in lockdown with my husband & our girlfriend – we all sleep in one bed & the sex is great… (May 26). 

Melanie, Jon and Judy

A COUPLE have 'married' their joint girlfriend of two years in lockdown — on their 17th wedding anniversary.

Stay-at-home husband Jon Kaufman, 45, and midwife wife Melanie Kaufman, 41, tied the knot with shared girlfriend Judy Bame, 36, on May 24 in their back garden.

The ‘throuple’, who’ve lived together outside Denver, Colorado, for a year-and-a-half, met 11 years ago while playing roller derby and realised they had instant chemistry. ... It wasn’t until 2018 that they could get together, and they confessed their true feelings.

They share a bed, with Jon sleeping in the middle.

“The sex is far above average,” said Melanie. ...“We're also very open with our bodies and our interests, which leads to a very fulfilling sex life.” [And that's as far as I'm going with the smarmy tabloid sex content. –Ed.]

...“The transition to a throuple was very natural and organic. This type of relationship happens much like any other with all of the tingles and eager anticipation. Since then, we've been inseparable.”

...The throuple joked lockdown was an ‘improvement’ to their normal life. The ladies jointly said: “Jon’s always at home and now his ladies get to spend more time at home as well.”

But they're actually serious people:

Jon added: “Judy is on leave for the foreseeable future and stays home with me. Melanie, as a healthcare provider, has had her daily life rocked the hardest. Her schedule changes on a daily basis and she's having to give some prenatal visits over the phone now.

"At one point, Melanie's clinic was closed for two weeks due to two employees testing positive for Covid-19 and she had to work from home, which was a huge change.

“We haven't ventured out of the house too many times, just for groceries and other necessities. 


...Melanie, Jon and Judy were planning to 'marry' at a hot springs resort in the mountains of Colorado and honeymoon in St Lucia. 

But as a result of the coronavirus crisis they scrapped their plans and chose to have a small backyard wedding instead.

The ceremony took place on May 24, but unfortunately, as no Western country permits statutory marriage between more than two people, the wedding isn't legally binding.

“We won't receive the same innate government privileges and protections as married couples and will have to take extra steps to legally safeguard our relationship. 

“But what we can do is set up our relationship like a business, since there are more legal protections that way,” Melanie said.


...“Growing up with monogamy as the only option, it has taken self-growth to unlearn those old restrictions, but doing so has led to an amazing experience.

“Going from a monogamous relationship to a throuple is incredibly rewarding, but also requires extra effort and attention. 

“We get many questions from people interested in opening up their marriage. What you need to know is that everything is exponentially multiplied with each person you add to the relationship. You have more people to care for you, and also to care for. 

“It requires a constant stream of love and communication for everyone involved. Polyamory/polygamy isn't for everyone, but it is a valid lifestyle and one that can be overwhelmingly amazing.”

● Since the folks above consider themselves to be married morally though not legally, they are smart to incorporate via a small-business structure such as an LLC "to legally safeguard our relationship." Or at least to have a lawyer help them draw up signed property agreements. A polyfamily I know of tell what their lawyer said when they asked how to word their contract against possible busybodies at Child Protective Services. The lawyer said (as I remember), "They won't care. Your enemies won't be the state. Your enemies will be each other, just like any couple."

Here's an example of what can happen without a contract. It's making news this week in New Zealand and getting picked up by media around the world: Three exes battle over $2.2m Auckland house after polyamorous relationship breaks up  (New Zealand Herald, May 22).

By Isaac Davison

...In the first case of its kind in New Zealand, the High Court ruled that the Property Relationships Act (PRA) could not be applied to people in a multi-partner relationship.

Lilach and Brett Paul

The judge in the case, Justice Anne Hinton, also said the Family Court could not "stretch" the law to accommodate a three-way relationship.

The case relates to a couple, Lilach and Brett Paul, who married in 1993. In 1999, Lilach met Fiona Mead and in 2002 the three of them formed a polyamorous relationship.

They moved into a four-hectare property in Kumeu, which had just been purchased in Mead's name for $533,000 [US $330,000]. She paid the deposit of $40,000.

Fiona Mead

They lived together at the property for 15 years, and mostly shared the same room and bed, the court ruling said.

Mead worked as a vet, Brett set up a paintball business on the property, Lilach worked as an artist, and Lilach and Brett had a lawn-mowing business. They all contributed to the household, though they dispute how much each contributed.

In 2017, Lilach separated from Mead and Brett. Brett and Mead then broke up in early 2018. Mead kept living at the Kumeu property, which was now worth $2.1m.

Lilach applied to the Family court last year to determine each parties' shares in the property, and said she was seeking a third of the home. The Family Court referred the case to the High Court.

Justice Anne Hinton: No law fits this dispute.
In a ruling published today, the High Court said a polyamorous relationship could not be recognised under the law because all of the relationships covered by the PRA - marriage, civil union, de facto - were defined as being between two people.

But because Fiona was a member of both relationships this would mean she was entitled to 50 per cent of the property while Lilach and Brett would get 25 per cent each. That was inconsistent with the law's principles of equal sharing after a break-up, the court said.

"For all of the above reasons, not only does the Act on its face not apply to a polyamorous relationship such as the parties', but it would be unworkable to stretch the legislation to 'fit' this case," Justice Hinton concluded.

In an affidavit tendered to the court, Lilach said Fiona, Brett and herself were free to 'love others' but had an understanding that 'the relationship between the three of use was the main relationship'.

The court also heard how the throuple had a ceremony after Lilach and Brett moved in and that they wore rings, although she admitted to losing hers a few years ago.

She said reform of the kind required by the Paul-Mead case could only be done by Parliament.


The court ruling noted that polyamorous couples had asked the Law Commission to recognise their relationships when it recently reviewed the law. Some submitters felt it could give them some legitimacy which they did not yet have in society.

The Law Commission said at the time that excluding multi-partner relationships - which were "functionally similar" to marriages, civil unions or de facto relationships - could be difficult to justify.

Polyamorous relationships could share many of the hallmarks of the more traditional couplings, including house-sharing, raising children together, financial dependence, and mutual commitment to a shared life, the commission said.

But it eventually recommended to Government that the PRA should continue to cover only intimate relationships between two people.

"Extending the regime to multi-partner relationships would be a fundamental shift in policy and should be considered within a broader context involving more extensive consultation about how family law should recognise and provide for adult relationships that do not fit the mould of an intimate relationship between two people." 

Property relationship lawyer Jeremy Sutton said the PRA had been updated in 2002 to include non-married couples, but had not yet adjusted to more modern relationships. ...

The group house with no written agreement, on four hectares of farmland.

● A thoughtful, basic public service piece comes from Twin Cities Public Television in Minnesota: Is a Non-Monogamous Relationship Right For You? (May 22)

Open and honest communication from the start is key.

By Taylor Hartman

Dating and relationships look different today than they did even just five years ago. ... The idea of casually dating a non-monogamous person might seem daunting — as daunting as the idea of monogamy for someone polyamorous.

But, with honest and open-minded communication, you can experience a wide variety of dating and relationship styles, all while keeping your heart intact.

Set expectations

Communication from an early stage can help build stable and healthy relationships of all types. When faced with a variety of potential partners who each have their own expectation of what they want, it's important to be clear from the start what you expect in a dating relationship.

"Successful relationships of any kind require vulnerability, transparency and strong communication skills," said Marissa Miller, a Salt Lake City-based therapist specializing in relationship issues.

"While conflict can likely occur during conversations of this nature, active listening skills, affirmation of feelings and desires, discussion around values and common goals, and constructive problem-solving can provide an environment in which these conversations are less traumatic."

[ICYMI: Single, Hooking Up, Married: When Your Friends Are Doing Love Differently]

Understand your wants and boundaries...

It's always your choice.

No matter what you may want to get out of dating, remaining true to yourself should be a priority.

Relationships can come and go out of your life, but understanding what you want and how to communicate that can be hugely beneficial and a learning experience. ...

Taylor Hartman is a writer from Salt Lake City. He works at KUED, Utah’s PBS station.

●  "Do you think human beings are, or are not, naturally monogamous?", a YouGov poll asked 7,034 Americans. The results were announced this week:  36% said humans are naturally monogamous, 37% said they are not, 27% didn't know. Women were more likely than men to say humans are monogamous; so were Republicans; there was no difference by region; and little difference by age. Full results.

I say it was a dumb false-dichotomy question. I'd have answered, "None of the above. Some are, some aren't, and some change. Humans differ."

● And back to the subject of lockdowns, a spot of good cheer that's being heavily upvoted on reddit/r/polyamory: We thought sheltering in place with my mom would be awkward as a triad, but she's now pierced our ears, colored our hair, and binge-watched 4 seasons of Rupaul's Drag Race with us. ❤️ (May 24).

● Lastly: My Memorial Day post about the late US Navy Commander Alyce Grillet coming out as polyamorous with an infinity heart on her gravestone —  where she can finally thumb her nose at the Uniform Code of Military Justice, if only from six feet underground — became my most-read and most-shared post of 2020. Go have a look if you missed it.

That's Friday Polynews Roundup for now! See you next Friday, unless something big happens sooner.


May 24, 2020

A Navy officer's gravestone with a poly infinity heart. The story behind it.

On this beautiful Memorial Day weekend, you may be visiting a cemetery. And if you happen to be visiting the Historic Congressional Cemetery by the Anacostia River in Washington DC, two spots of color on a certain headstone may catch your poly eye.

The stone is that of US Navy Commander Alyce Grillet. She died last year at age 47 of colon cancer, at her home in Alexandria, Virginia, after a nearly 20-year military career.

There is a story.


Her obituary noted the details of record: Her career included a variety of roles in naval aviation support, including 19 months aboard the aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson during the Iraq War. "She was promoted to the rank of Commander in 2016 and reported to the Commander Fleet Readiness Center at Naval Air Station Patuxent River, Maryland, where she served as Personnel Military Director. Her last assignment was as Officer in Charge and Maintenance Officer at the Fleet Readiness Center Mid-Atlantic Detachment Washington at Joint Base Andrews."

And there was some more: "She leaves behind a jaw-dropping collection of personal artwork, focusing in her later years on the medium of permanent marker on canvas. She was a prolific reader of non-fiction, specifically “geeking out” on relationship psychology as game theory, and spiritually identifying as a Chaos-magic Buddhist. She was a community organizer in Memphis and Norfolk and taught classes in Relationship Dynamics and Non-Violent Communication. She helped lead Naval Air Systems Command’s Patuxent River LGBTQIA+ Advisory Team.

"In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to OutServe-SLDN ['advancing fairness and equality for the LGBTQ military and veteran community'] and the Semper Fi Fund ['to assist wounded veterans in all branches of the US Armed Forces'], or to your local LGBTQIA charitable organization."

Her grave is located in the Historic Congressional Cemetery's noted "Gay Corner," at the intersection of its Ingles Street and Henderson Street. According to the cemetery's LGBT walking-tour brochure, the Congressional Cemetery "is believed to be the world’s only cemetery with a Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender section. Although earlier LGBT burials are located in the Cemetery, the 'Gay Corner' began in 1988 with Leonard Matlovich." (Matlovich was the Air Force Technical Sergeant who outed himself in 1975 to challenge the military’s ban on gay service, the first US service member to do so.)

Grillet "was an energizing whirl of charisma, intellect and passion for life," wrote a co-worker at the Patuxent Naval Air Station in Maryland.

Another naval air colleague wrote, "Please know that your contributions have been significant and will appreciated well into the future by people who will never have had the pleasure of meeting or even knowing about you. You made a difference."

I know about this because, as it happens, my wife Sparkle Moose is old friends with a friend of Grillet's. He writes:

We met at a spiritual gathering, talked for a bit, exchanged email addresses, and hugged twice. That’s it. I left home the next week, on my way to Afghanistan. Corresponding began before I left the country. Images, thoughts, questions and answers — some trite, others touching on what “queer” meant to her. Communication progressed for the next three to four months. Then things changed. She had just started an important transition career course when she got a diagnosis of advanced stage cancer.

I returned on leave from Afghanistan days after she died but in time to attend her memorial service. When her headstone was installed on Memorial Day weekend 2019, I was still in the hospital recovering from a bicycle crash. I finally got in to see it in September, and knew of the words — but the symbols made it all the more powerful.


The military is now on board with gay rights. But polyamory, no matter how ethically and honorably carried out, is still grounds for court-martial and dismissal from the services, with loss of all benefits including retirement, if a superior finds out and has it in for you.1

But displaying it on your gravestone? Now, she is beyond their reach.

And under the Navy emblem she put, "All should be free to love."

When Brian Crabtree created the first infinity-heart symbol for polyamory back in the 1990s, he could not have known all the places where it might someday land.

The Congressional Cemetery in spring


1. Among the grounds for court-martialing someone for being in a group relationship are adultery, even if one's spouse is consenting, willing, and part of the relationship; or the catch-alls of "undermining good order and discipline" or "bringing discredit on the armed forces."

In practice, I'm told, if they want to keep you they'll ignore it unless you're too public about it. But if a superior doesn't like you, or is morally offended by the idea of multiple love, you have no defense and you are toast.



–  A reader tells us, "Alyce was the founder of Norfolk Polyamory."

–  From another: "I'm retiring from the Navy after twenty years of service this summer, and I can attest that what you said is true. Poly doctors in the Navy have told me polyamory is more common in the Navy than society as a whole, but it's always kept quiet for fear of having a bible-thumping boss who will kick you out."

–  Does anyone know the exact meaning of the emblem on the stone's top left? I do not find this image anywhere on the web. The rainbow triangle of course is gay pride. I'm guessing that when presented on a white background in a sky-blue circle, it signifies LGBT aviation. Anybody know?


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May 22, 2020

Friday Polynews Roundup — The changing safe-distancing debate, poly in more TV series, an accidental triad, podcasts, more

It's Friday Polynews Roundup time again — for May 22, 2020.

●  The changing safety and distancing debate.  Currently going around the poly world is a framework for coronavirus group-risk management called the COVID C.A.R.E. model, created by Dr. Evelin Dacker, a physician and former president of Sex Positive Portland. Among other things it uses current knowledge of the virus (which is changing weekly) to define six levels of caution from "Very Strict" to "Very Open" and to help you determine if someone lands on this scale where you do.

But wait a minute, is this a good idea?

The C.A.R.E. approach draws from the older S.T.A.R.S. model for safer-sex conversations and agreements. S.T.A.R.S. acknowledges that in the real world, people have different levels of STI risk tolerance whether they ought to or not, and that you can't count on changing someone else's risk tolerance reliably. But you can gain clarity about the specifics of your own level and have a frank conversation to discover a potential partner's level.

Thing is, Covid-19 is really, seriously, totally different from an STI. You don't typically get it from sharing deep bodily intimacy in bed with a close personal partner, you typically get it from some unknown person in public. Nor can you have a thoughtful, searching conversation with a gas station's bathroom doorknob about its past involvement with someone who picks their nose.

Nor can the strangers who breathe your air in the grocery-store aisle have searching conversations with you about your doorknob history during the last week or two, the time it may take for you to show signs of infection. So where's the agreement and consent in that?

A poly activist in the thick of the pandemic in New York is calling the C.A.R.E.S. approach "wildly irresponsible."  A grad student in Boston who is tracking the polyworld's response to the pandemic says,

More generally, this type of discourse (relying heavily on STI verbage/risk management tools) appears prevalent across all polyam social sites I participate in as well as organizations I manage here in Boston. It has been nearly impossible to shift this conversation away from the toolkit polyamorous folks apply in regards to STIs to a new type of infection.

More on this coming soon. Stay tuned.

In non-Covid news,

Yet more poly in TV series!  The Politician, which was a Netflix hit in Season 1, joins the poly trend in Season 2, which will launch June 19, with a key plot element. From Entertainment Weekly, Judith Light teases The Politician' Season 2: 'You're going to see sparks fly' (May 18):

Judith Light (left) and Bette Midler

...The 71-year-old [actress Light] returns to TV on Netflix’s The Politician as New York state senator Dede Standish, and she’s proud to portray a complex woman in office. ... The career politician has crafted a careful political image alongside her chief of staff Hadassah Gold (Bette Midler), keeping her polyamorous marriage a secret. But Season 2 will put the pain in campaign, pitting her against young Payton Hobart (Ben Platt) [the star of Season 1], as she fights to keep her Senate seat. ...

...Light’s character is in a throuple, as revealed in Season 1, and [Light] did a lot of reading on those in polyamorous relationships. “It’s a choice that a lot more people make than we know,” she adds. “A throuple is about the relationship among them, not just the sexuality. It isn’t just about the sexual dynamic with these people.” ...

In The Oprah Magazine, from Season 2 of The Politician Has A Premiere Date (published May 18):

Rich kid with ugly weapon facing a serious moral choice

[In Season 1 the show followed] Payton Hobart, a super anxious and super rich high school student [the "politician" of the title] who’s obsessed with becoming student body president at Saint Sebastian High School in order to one day attend Harvard and eventually get elected President of the United States. Wacky, right?

...In the Season 1 finale, we saw Payton and the rest of the gang decide that he would face off against New York's established Senate Majority Leader Dede Standish (Judith Light), vying for [her] seat while continuing on his path to becoming President of the United States. But why does he think he can beat her? She's in a secret thruple, which if exposed, could better his chances. So we'll for sure see that play out in an incredibly dramatic fashion. ...

Update: A 3-minute trailer is now out:

● Next up, there's Avocado Toast, a new Amazon Prime series from Canada in which two bi-discovering millennial women are, among other things, shocked to learn of mom and dad's swinging and polyamory. ‘Avocado Toast The Series’ creator Heidi Lynch says she outlined the queer show based on her own life (on Meaww, Media Entertainment Arts WorldWide, May 21)

Co-creators and stars Heidi Lynch and Perrie Voss

...Avocado Toast the collection is a considerate coming-of-age comedy that highlights sexual politics via the tales of a close-knit circle. By way of ten 15-minute-long neat episodes, creators Voss and Lynch inform the story of what occurs when two 30-somethings uncover extra about their dad and mom’s intercourse lives.

Molly (Lynch) and Elle (Voss) are childhood associates each coping with a disaster. After a lifetime of relationship males, Molly comes to find that she is bisexual after she falls for a girl. The character is based on Lynch’s private life.

Whilst Molly’s dad and mom are supportive of her sexuality, [she] finds herself fairly stunned by her dad and mom’s life-style. She refuses to speak to them and even shames them. ...

...There is a coming out story for almost every generation — Molly coming out to her mother Meredith (Mag Ruffman), who in turn comes out to Molly about her and her husband Francis' (Jefferson Mappin) poly lifestyle. Patricia, in a way, comes out too of the ageist closet that she has been confined to for the longest time. ...

And in Her magazine, Ireland edition, Creators of Avocado Toast the series talk sex, sexuality, and swinging (early May, undated)

..."We received an education from the bi community who said they felt invisible and unseen. They said: 'If you're going to make a show about this, could you at least say the word?' "

...As the series unfolds, Molly learns that her mother and father are actually swingers who throw sex parties, while Elle discovers that her own parents are getting a divorce — and are, unfortunately for her, ready to start dating again. ...

"Nobody wants to think about their parents having sex," adds Heidi. ...

The series' Facebook page. And trailer:


With a title like this it ought to end badly, but no.... I Accidentally Ended Up In a Polyamorous Triad — Here's What I Learned from It (May 20). This sprightly piece appears in Shape, a women's magazine mostly about fitness and eating.

The beauty of non-monogamy is that you can tear down the social and emotional constructs you've been fed and DIY a unique dynamic that ebbs and flows and works for you. Here's how that went for me.

three women in a polyamorous triad on a bicycle built for 3, at a beach
Hello World / Getty

By Charyn Pfeuffer

...As a solo polyamorous woman, I was already involved in a handful of concurrent consensual non-monogamy (CNM) relationships when I met John* on Tinder. We met for brunch, drank a bunch of old fashioneds, then went back to my place and had sex (even though he adamantly prefaced and punctuated the date by saying that he did not have sex on first dates). ... I found his sweetness endearing. We started dating.

...I was a patient partner as he and Lynn worked through the many first-time hurdles of having an open marriage. I prefer to practice kitchen table polyamory (KTP), a dynamic where partners and metamours (a partner's partner — in this case, Lynn) all know each other, and in theory, would feel comfortable sharing space together for coffee or a meal. It entails a certain "we're all in this together" mentality.... KTP isn't a requirement in my relationships, but it sure does make life easier. ... [But Lynn] was standoffish at best.

(Accidentally) Becoming a Triad

Two months later, I had tickets for a local burlesque show and decided to invite John and Lynn. The invitation was an olive branch of sorts. I wanted to get to know her and for us to spend some time together. If we didn't click, I wasn't going to push it any further. I've learned that if I meet my metamours, it makes them less scary, less of a threat, and I can appreciate that we're all dating the same person.

All dressed up, we grabbed dinner at a local Caribbean spot. Everything was copacetic and convivial, and as we left, John grabbed both of our hands as we headed to the show. I was happy; it seemed like progress.

John sat between us during the performance, but there was palpable chemistry between Lynn and I. When he got up to get us drinks, I got my flirt on. Hard. After the performance, Lynn and I kissed in the hallway of the venue. We all ended up going back to my place and had a threesome. And that's how I accidentally ended up in a triad, aka a "throuple" or a three-way relationship.... Essentially, a triad requires managing four individual relationships: those between each partner, and the group dynamic as well.

[Who Created Your Rules of Love — You or Others?]

There was really no discussion amongst us — it just kinda happened. ... In hindsight, I realize that Lynn isn't the type of woman I typically date. But she was sweet and sexy, and I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt bad she was having a hard time dating outside her marriage. She was bi-curious and hadn't been with a woman before, and I've been known to readily assume the role of sex sherpa for other people's "firsts."

Immediately, John started keeping score. He'd report on whether Lynn was pleased with the quantity and quality of communication I was giving her. I'm not a big fan of sleepovers with partners but somehow managed to have peaceful nights with John. Slumbering with Lynn was a hit or miss scenario, but time was divided fairly equally, and although it was never spoken, sleepovers were no exception. I loved snuggling with Lynn. It just didn't need to be an all-night event every time.

Don't get me wrong. I loved John and cared about Lynn immensely. But planning and dividing time between two people, then trying to schedule time with all of us (because remember, a triad requires managing four individual relationships), was overwhelming. Not to mention expensive. They rarely paid for anything, and that's my fault for not setting a firm financial boundary. ...

The good outweighed the bad, though. We had some great adventures, and there was a lot of love and respect between the three of us. And for six months, we had regular, mind-blowingly good threesomes.

Spoiler: It ended. ...

In retrospect, I took on too many "firsts." It's challenging to be a couple's first polyamorous experience, first threesome experience, first kink experience, and someone's first same-sex experience. Any one of those aspects would be a lot to navigate, in and of itself. I took them all on with a couple who'd just opened their marriage and had no experience in CNM.

...Nowadays, I screen dates way more carefully. I steer clear of newly-divorced people and just-opened relationships. I have a lot of sexual and dating experience; I'm not a 101-level partner. I get that everyone needs to start somewhere, but I'm tired of being part of the prerequisite learning curve on non-monogamy (or queerness or kink).

My Tinder profile now reads: "If you're not experienced with consensual non-monogamy, we're probably not a good fit."

Writer's Note: For people curious about learning more about CNM relationship models, Amory is a beautifully raw and frank podcast on exploring polyamory. Also, Opening Up by Tristan Taormino is my go-to guide for beginners.

Some people like audio more than text, and you can't read while driving. Two months ago contributor Bailey on Autostraddle suggested 11 Books for Getting Started with Polyamory and Non-Monogamy. Now they're back with 8 Podcasts to Get Started With Polyamory and Non-Monogamy (May 19). Actually, these are 8 particular podcast episodes:

Adulting #51
“When Does Monogamy Fail?

All My Relations #5
“Decolonizing Sex”

Bi Any Means Podcast #152
“Polyamory Panel”

Black Radical Queer #17
“I Gotta Be A Sister Wife?!”

I Said What I Said #20
“Polyamory vs. Longevity”

Loving Without Boundaries #64
“Psychologist, Professor, LGBTQ+ Researcher”

Multiamory Podcast #181
“Settler Sexuality”

Polyamory Weekly #558
“When to Give Up on Polyamory”

Click to the Autostraddle page for the links and paragraph descriptions.

● Our British tabloid happy-poly story of the week. As usual the polyfam is actually in the USA, this time in Nashville: Polyamorous parents who have been together for a decade invite dance teacher couple to join their relationship and live in their home – and their children even see them as 'godparents' (Daily Mail, May 14). With piles of pix and a well-produced 8-minute video:

Matt and Carmen, from Nashville, Tennessee, who share a six-year-old and a three-year-old, appear to have a conventional-looking family setup, but had often talked about opening up their marriage.

When they started swing dancing lessons they instantly clicked with their teachers, Brooklyn and Keith, and after broaching the subject of an open relationship with the pair, the foursome, who have been dating as a quad for eight months, now live together.

One summer evening, while having some drinks round their pool, conversation came around to open relationships and the fact that Brooklyn and Matt and Keith and Carmen were attracted to each other.

...'We all hung out a couple of times, [and] it happened pretty quickly and very organically, too,' Carmen added.

...Brooklyn and Keith officially moved into Matt and Carmen's family home just a few months after they all started dating.

The foursome split their time between their original relationships, which they dub 'OG', and the new partnerships, now describing themselves as a closed heterosexual quad.

Carmen and Matt's children think of Brooklyn and Keith as 'godparents that lived with them', and the two couples enjoyed hanging out as an extended family of six, as well as double dating.

'Kieran and Ellie know that Brooklyn and Keith are part of the family and that we all love them very much,' Carmen said of her children's reaction to their parents' polyamorous relationship. ...

...They believe polyamory is the way forward in modern living, and hope their relationship is a testament to this. ... 'I've seen a lot of monogamous relationships [where] they just make it work and that's not something that me and Carmen wanted to do,' Matt said. 'We didn't want to just make it work for 20 years, 30 years. 'We wanted to actually live a loving life.'...

● On a different plane, a Science Direct notice of a report in the journal Cell Systems is titled Neural Polyamory: One Cell Forms Meaningful Connections with Hundreds of Partners (May 20). "Reconstruction of one thalamic neuron, mapping hundreds of presynaptic inputs and postsynaptic outputs, reveals diverse types of interaction in a neural microcircuit." Postsynaptic readers are presumed to get it.

That's Friday Polynews Roundup for now! See you next Friday, unless something big happens sooner.

Oh, and I'll have something you're probably not expecting on Monday the 25th, Memorial Day.


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May 15, 2020

Friday Polynews Roundup — New poly comics, lockdown logistics, Utah decriminalizes us, Polyamorous People You'll Meet, and more

It's Friday Polynews Roundup — for May 15, 2020.

Continued. . . .

Kimchi Cuddles, you have competition. From Barcelona, the Holy Poly Macaroni open triad is turning out cute comics about themselves and poly life situations, in French and English. The artist of the group is Charly, who signs himself Cookie Kalkair.

They got interviewed for the coronavirus quarantine (in hard-hit Spain it's been a really no foolin' quarantine) by Muse by Clio, "the premier news site for coverage of the best in creativity in advertising and beyond. ... We feature long-form Q&As with dynamic makers in the creative arts." This is the outfit that does the ad industry's Clio Awards. The article is titled Tina, Elsa and Charly of Holy Poly Macaroni (May 12).

As confinement continues in most parts of the world, we're checking in with creative people to see how they're faring. Here's an update from Charly, Tina and Elsa of Holy Poly Macaroni, devoted to educating people about ethical non-monogamy one adorable cartoon at a time.

"Tina, Elsa and Charly, pre-quarantine days"

Give us a one-sentence bio of yourselves.

We are Charly, Tina and Elsa, a polyamorous throuple in Barcelona, where we share our daily life as a triad, and exploration of ethical non-monogamy relationships, on our Instagram account, Holy Poly Macaroni.

It's Charly (aka, Cookie Kalkair) answering these questions. I'm a comic book artist, and illustrate short comic strips to explain how polyamory works.

Where are you living right now, and who's with you?

Elsa and I (Charly) live together with our 4-year-old son. Tina has her own apartment nearby, in the same neighborhood. But it's not close enough for us to see each other from our rooftops. Bummer.

Describe your socializing strategy.

We have WhatsApp groups with friends, where we drop daily news and updates. We organize recurring video calls to keep family and friends close. And we started giving ourselves "alone time" to have Skype dates and share a drink with someone we like.

How are you dealing with childcare, if applicable?

We homeschool our 4-year-old every morning, a different subject each day: math, French, Spanish, geography, history, etc. ... In the hallway, we've created a long historical chronology, starting from dinosaurs and ending with us today. We add to it every week. It's pretty fun. ...

...What are you watching?

Every week, we watch the latest episode of RuPaul's Drag Race together via video chat. We are also trying to watch a trilogy every weekend, like the first three movies of Mad Max or The Matrix Trilogy.

Since the three of us are playing Apex Legends on PS4, we also watched Battle Royale, to come back to the roots of the genre.

...Any tips for getting necessities?

From our window, we can see when the delivery truck supplies the supermercado. That way we know when there's been a restock. Pretty handy.

...Best work email you got since all this started.

We were selected for a series of interviews about polyamory by Erika Lust. It was pretty cool to take part in it, partly because of their progressive feminist adult content!

An aha! moment since all this started.

Maybe not "aha!" — but cute: Two weeks ago, it was Tina's birthday. Elsa went to her apartment and sang "Happy Birthday" in the street for her. Then she left a bottle of cava, a cake she baked, and gifts in the elevator for Tina to pick up. Quarantine love!

What's your theory on how this is going to play out?

We hope some aspects of this strange situation will stay as-is—that we figure out how to maintain good air quality, the low number of planes in the sky, and fewer cars on the road. We've gotten used to this new calm and green city landscape. But I feel we are lying to ourselves…

. . . continued.

More about polyshipping in these hard times: a very long piece in Metro UK, People in polyamorous relationships reveal what it’s like having multiple partners in lockdown (May 11)

By Laura Abernethy

Lockdown is having a huge impact on relationships.

...But for those in polyamorous relationships, the rules are more complicated.

When the lockdown started, Sally had five partners. She has ended up leaving London to go into isolation with one of her partners, meaning she will not see the other four until it is safe to do so.

She has been working from home and living at her partner’s house for nearly two months.

She explains: ‘The decision was somewhat made for me. I had had a weekend visit with Partner 1 the weekend before lockdown and they had gone to see another partner of theirs, E. The next day (17 March) all non-essential travel was discouraged, so that cut off Partner 1.

‘That evening I started coming down with a mild cold. I was talking to all my partners during this time and I knew that Partner 2 was planing to isolate with their partner K and was making preparations to do that.

‘Partner 3 didn’t want to isolate with me as I was not well when the decision needed to be made and didn’t want to risk anything.

‘When I spoke to Partner 4 about the potential of London locking down they invited me to stay with them. They drove to pick me up the next day, I packed up enough for an extended stay, including plants!

‘Partner 5 is the most casual and wasn’t likely to want to isolate with me in any case, even though we have previously lived together before.’

...Choosing one of her five partners to spend this time with does have an impact on the others. Sally also had to accept that her some of them spending their isolation with another one of their partners.

She adds: ‘In terms of preference, there are definitely partners I feel I’m more domestically compatible with than others, which is natural. ...

‘Partners 1 and 2 were very accepting, having E and K to isolate with themselves. The four of them and me and Partner 4 all know each other and keep in touch in a WhatsApp group called ‘A-Poly-clypse Now!’ It’s a good group dynamic and we are supporting each other.

‘I suspect Partner 3 was a bit jealous and sad to start with. Our relationship is the newest and we were seeing each other the most regularly of all my partners and suddenly stopping that ... has been really difficult.

‘Partner 5 is totally fine, isn’t really involved in anything to do with my other partners and we have occasional phone calls. All is well.’

Although she is very much still in relationships with the other four, Sally says she has enjoyed spending time with one partner. ... ‘We are learning about each other from a new perspective and we are very good at giving each other space for our other relationships and virtual visits with our partners. There is no jealousy at all.’

...Like many people who are in a relationship but living apart, Sally has been keeping in touch with the others through messages and calls. She adds: ‘Partner 1 in as already a long distance partner at the start of the lockdown and this has been largely unaffected. Partner 2 and I are always very supportive of our other relationships and we know that we prioritise other relationships over ours.

‘I chat regularly with 1 and 2 and I miss them but we are managing well so far. I think this is because they are comfortable, established relationships.

‘I am finding it difficult to be separated from Partner 3. I miss them very much. We have set up a regular Sunday night Skype date and have settled into little daily routines of communication that I find so comforting.

‘Partner 5 is doing well and we are pretty much the same as when I was living locally to them.’


... During the pandemic, Robin has been living with her husband but sees P once a week at a hotel. She explains: ‘Hotels are an "essential business." We found a hotel that we feel does a great job sanitizing and following safe protocols, and now schedule an overnight there, once a week. ‘Booking the hotel room is now included our budgets. ... Dates look like doing essential errands or a safe visit to the park. I worried that we were not strictly following social distancing guidelines. ...’ They say that they are taking precautions, although she was worried about criticism. ... she adds: ‘We follow the hand-washing, masks, and disinfect spray when going out, and we’re being safe in distancing from other people.’ ...

‘The pandemic has actually led my husband and I to become even closer,’ Although Robin and her partners are sticking to what works for them, she agrees that part of the problem is that the definition of what is considered family is ‘too narrow. ... Poly families exist, too.’

In non-covid news,

● This Poly 101 just appeared in a women's magazine in Kenya, a country where male-centered polygamy has deep cultural roots but where modern egalitarian polyamory is getting increased public attention. What is a polyamorous relationship? (EveWoman, May 12):

By Rachel Murugi

Probably you’ve seen them, more than two partners together and expressing their affection for each other publicly without shying off.

While at it, they seem so happy whereas you are possibly wondering how they deal with issues like jealousy.

Surprisingly, this type of relationship exists and can thrive with a few ground rules.

It may involve one party of the relationship being interested elsewhere but still committed to the other or a couple having another couple as a quadruple.

Contrary to popular belief, a polyamorous relationships does not imply cheating.

Cheating is non-consensual while a polyamorous relationship has to involve consent from the involved parties. If anything, a high level of trust is expected between the parties.

Some of the key values that partners in polyamorous relationships have is respect for each other. Owing to the open communication module within the relationship, it is easy for the parties to express their views.

One has to be open to their partner on what they want. It could range from better and experimental sex to having an emotional connection with another person.

Polyamorous relationships also involve setting a number of boundaries. While you may be excused to think that it opens a whole world of sex, this is not they only binding thing.

People seeking such relationships have to agree with their primary partner whether the other party will live with them, whether they will share in financial and any other duties such as child care duties and other family issues.

You'll mostly find out that there is a primary party who caters for the 'normal' family.

Other than duties, you have to communicate on whether involving another person affects you, whether you are okay with your partner being sexually involved with another person or if you want it to be purely for solace and emotional purposes.

...In the case that you are wondering whether you'll get jealous or not, be keen to know that it's not meant to be that way.

However, speaking your feelings openly is the core foundation for a thriving polyamorous relationship.

The Mormons are scared of us. Remember John Murowski's well-reported article last month, Here's 'Polyamory': Multi-Partner Sexual-Rights Crusade on the Horizon? It raised a flurry of grim we-told-you-so's on the religious right. Now comes this from the Mormon Meridian Magazine ("Latter-Day Saints Shaping Their World"): Polyamory and the Domino Effect (May 11). Because, to a cult-style organization (where my mother's side of the family comes from), nothing is so terrifying as personal freedom:

By United Families International

In 2013 Hans van Leeuwen of Leiden University set out to find just how powerful a domino chain reaction could be. Through a mathematical model, Leiden found a domino small enough to hold in your hand could start a chain reaction that would eventually topple a 112-meter tower.

...If the “No-fault divorce” law of 1969 can be compared to the first small domino, what is the 112-meter domino of today? According to John Murawski of Real Clear Investigations, it’s polyamory.

...Murawski believes that polyamory activists, “are laying the groundwork to have their cause become the next domino to fall in a long line of civil rights victories”. University of California’s Heath Schechinger, a counseling psychologist believes, “There is plenty of evidence that consensual non-monogamy is an emerging civil rights movement”. Poly activists are not wasting time in gaining elected official support. Over a dozen local governments are working on anti-discrimination ordinances to include, “relationship structure” definitions. If this is true and the legalization of “relationship structure” or polyamory is the next domino to fall, what domino will be next? Where does society draw the line? Will societies need for the novel ever end?...

Where does this lead?

Lost in the discussion of the right of adults to define and form relationship structures based on their desires is the effect polyamory has on children. Rates of child abuse skyrocket for children living with non-biological guardians and that rate will increase as the number of adult guardians increase. Given the human propensity for breaking down sexual boundaries, it is likely that polyamory is not the final 112-meter domino to fall at the end of this experiment with human sexuality. What will be the next safeguard to fall in this destructive chain reaction?

Speaking of which, my Mom was raised by an upstanding Mormon family on a sheep ranch in southern Idaho as a little girl in the 1920s. She remembered the "aunts" among her relatives far outnumbering the uncles. Sometimes an aunt was left by herself in a rickety wooden house to run a whole farm, fuming while the uncle "lived in a brick house in town" with another aunt, as Mom remembered her Aunt Helen complaining. This was more than a generation after the LDS Church had officially renounced polygamy — during this temporary life on Earth, anyway — so that Utah could enter the union. She helped cook massive meals for the sad, rough ranch hands of all ages who lived their lives on the property in an all-male bunkhouse, unable to marry. Why? Only later, she told me, did she realize it was because most of the "aunts" had been claimed by a few upstanding, property-owning men.

If I remember correctly it was her father who informed her about this. He was a monogamist and proud of it. I have fond childhood memories of Granddad and all that he taught me about the desert on our long walks. But by local lights he would have been called a failure; most of his children broke with the church.

● Meanwhile, just a few days ago Utah decriminalized polygamy after about 85 years — and, therefore, also modern polyamorists cohabiting under one roof. The new law, which just went into effect, does not mean that either Mormon patriarchal polygyny or modern, secular poly households are recognized by the state or even legal; just that they they are punishable with a fine as an "infraction," like jaywalking, rather than being a felony with the theoretical threat of five years in prison.

CNN article: Bigamy is no longer a felony in Utah (May 12)

...For decades, bigamy was a third-degree felony, legally punishable by up to five years in prison and up to a $5,000 fine. The new law makes it an infraction, putting the offense on par with getting a traffic ticket.

...Though the practice has long been illegal under state and federal law, the Utah attorney general's office has declined to prosecute the offense, except when it's committed along with other crimes. The new law makes the attorney general's policy official. Supporters of the law say that reducing the penalty for bigamy removes barriers that previously prevented potential abuse victims from coming forward for fear of prosecution. ...

The bill passed the Legislature in February with overwhelming support, though it faced some opposition from advocacy groups who argued it normalized what they called an inherently oppressive practice and enabled the abuse of women and children. ... Republican state Sen. Deidre Henderson, the bill's lead sponsor, called Utah's previous law unenforceable, saying that it didn't prevent people from engaging in polygamy, but instead isolated polygamous communities and prevented potential victims from reporting abuse.

"Vigorous enforcement of the law during the mid-twentieth century did not deter the practice of plural marriage," she wrote in an email to CNN in February. "Instead, these government actions drove polygamous families underground into a shadow society where the vulnerable make easy prey. Branding all polygamists as felons has facilitated abuse, not eliminated polygamy."...

"The history of raids and family separations, combined with the blanket ban on an entire lifestyle, leads to the fear that an investigation might break up an entire family, removing the children and incarcerating the parents," Henderson wrote. "That's a high hurdle, and so abuse is kept quiet."
Henderson added that she was not looking to legalize polygamy or the issuing of multiple marriage licenses, but was trying to "address the human rights crisis our law has created."...

Modern, egalitarian polyamory was a barely-noticed side issue in all this but is definitely affected. Writes polyamory-rights activist Dave Doleshal,

Under the previous laws, anyone [in Utah] cohabiting with multiple people or living in a "marriage-like" arrangement that included three or more could theoretically be arrested and thrown in prison — which would apply to most openly polyamorous people even if not in something that resembled a formal polygamous marriage. This same basic law was proposed 2-3 years ago, but was vigorously opposed by the vast majority of both houses of the Utah legislature and the governor's office (as well as the Mormon church). This time, it received widespread support in both houses of the legislature and by the governor — and received no more than nominal objection from the Mormon church.

So, still far from an ideal situation. However, it nevertheless represents a tiny bit of progress in the right direction. This suggests that even in some of the most "conservative" environments, there may be at least SOME grounds for optimism that poly activism might ultimately be successful — even though it might still take a lot of doing. Perhaps our efforts in more liberal/progressive areas might yet meet with some success?

● Laura Boyle has posted Part 2 of her humorous Polyamorous People You'll Meet, on her site Ready for Polyamory (May 2).

The Wokest Poly... The Poly Snuggle Bunny (I’m just in it for the friends)... The One Penis Policy... The NRE Chaser... The Person With A Chip on Their Shoulder... The Most Bitter Half of a Couple You’ve Ever Met... The Scene-Famous Person... The Unsettlingly Large LGBTQ Polycule... The TERF That Needs Kicking Out of the Event... The Missing Stair... The Person Who Never Goes To These Things, But Dates Enough That We All Know Them... The Organizer Who is Legitimately the Best....

If you missed it here's Part 1, from the Controlling Helicopter Partner to The Swingers Who Realize They’re at the Wrong Party.

● And speaking of a changing world, "metamour" is Playboy's sex word of the week.

That's Friday Polynews Roundup for now! See you next Friday, unless something big happens sooner.


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