Welcome to Friday Polynews Roundup for October 2, 2020.
This site feels to me like a nook of normalcy in a national
hurricane that's likely to get worse in the next five weeks, or, God forbid, six.
Moose and I are pledged to Do Our Bit1 to try to help drag America
back from the cliff-edge of thuggish authoritarianism. At minimum, we will have something we can say to our
someday-grandchildren when they ask us, "What did you do when the Republic was ending?"
So, I may skip a week or two here.
Among other things, I've been handwriting stacks of letters for VoteForward
telling registered but spotty voters who are likely to lean Democratic "why I am
a voter." I write that it's because
this is our one actual, for-real pull on the levers of power — for whether we will live under
decent, humane leaders of good character who will respect us, respect
facts and truth, and respect what America is supposed to stand
All those years of saying the Pledge of Allegiance since childhood? It feels
like acting now is what we were pledging to do then; we just didn't
know it at the time. Please join us.
And now back to the show in progress.
● Earlier this week I posted about an article in
The Atlantic, The Rise of the 3-Parent Family
. Several states now fully allow a child to have three legal parents, and
this arrangement is attracting increasing notice. A long-term, committed
polyfamily is only one of the situations that the option can apply to.
My wife and I have been together for 11 years and have 3 great kids.
About three years ago my wife’s friend moved in during a tough spot and
never left – we have been a ‘throuple’ ever since and she gave birth
about a year ago. After our daughter was born we even had a ceremony and
signed a living will to make us all ‘married’.
Here is the issue: She won’t tell her family. They all think we took her
in during a rough patch and let her stay after she got knocked up by a
dude they have all made up in their minds she was dating. They think
it’s cute that she and my wife call me ‘daddy’ when they hand me the
baby (‘go to daddy’ etc). My mother and sister know and are, broadly
speaking, supportive. My wife’s family adores [her]....
I get that her family is very conservative but I am not comfortable
hiding our deal. I am in love with two beautiful women and have great
kids. Let’s shout it from the mountaintops or, at least, speak it in
conversational tones from a well sized hill.
How do we come out to her family? I’m not comfortable hiding.
...While I can completely understand your wanting to be out, open and
proud about your relationships, the truth is that while people are
increasingly more aware and accepting of polyamory and ethical
non-monogamy, there’re still a lot of legal and social hurdles that can
end up causing problems. For example:
there’re very few legal protections for someone in a polyamorous
... Similarly, being poly can —
— been used against parents in child custody cases in court.
...I bring this up because you mention that your co-wife’s family is very
conservative. Right now, they’re cool with their daughter and
granddaughter living with you while they think that you and your legal
wife are helping their daughter out. If they found out that their daughter
was actively sleeping with you and that you are the imaginary dirtbag who
knocked up their precious baby….well, that could have any number of
repercussions for her… and for the rest of your family. This could range
anywhere from kicking your co-wife out of their family to actually
challenging the three of you for custody of their granddaughter. While
this is, admittedly, one hell of a worst-case scenario, there
have been cases
where in-laws or grandparents have sued for custody
discovered that their child was in a poly relationship. And if you live in
a state that doesn’t have third-parent adoption laws — which is most of
— the biggest thing keeping your family together would be the judge’s
opinion on the matter.
I get that you aren’t comfortable hiding… but this isn’t strictly about
your comfort. Your co-wife knows her family best, and if she isn’t
comfortable being out to her family, then I think it’s best to respect her
My suggestion is that you do your due diligence, TSM, and discuss this as
a family. ... However, at the end of the day, I believe the ultimate
decision resides with your co-wife.
Meet Ian Jenkins – he's a doctor, living in San Diego, a specialist in
hospital medicine and a professor at a major university. He's been with
his partner, Alan, for seventeen years. And they've been with their
partner, Jeremy, for eight. And they have two biological children – Piper,
who is three, and Parker, who is 14 months. ...
...Piper and Parker were conceived with eggs donated by a longtime friend
and carried by surrogates. Thereby lies a tale of patience, love, and
persistence that broke new legal ground and
changed the way California law defines family:
Piper was the first
child ever to have a poly family listed on a birth certificate, paving the
way for her younger brother two years later, and the future children of
other polyamorous parents.
The story of how three poly dads, three amazing and giving women, and an
intrepid and compassionate team of medical and legal experts built this
uniquely wonderful American family, is at the center of Dr. Jenkins'
upcoming book. ...
While Ian admits that of course his family is unique, he questions the
perspective of people who think that it isn't "normal." "I'm pretty sure
it's lifelong monogamy that's weird," he says. "Our culture is filled with
all of these stories about longing and infidelity. It's natural for us to
feel affections for more than one person. What's exotic is that we
actually did it –
we made a life many people think of as an unattainable dream, but
we're ordinary people otherwise."...
Navigating the endlessly complex and often heartbreaking process of
creating life through a series of expensive medical procedures,
Three Dads and a Baby shares a whirlwind of a surrogacy journey.
...He admits he has been somewhat relieved by the normalcy of their life
in the time since his book was completed. The conception and birth of
their second child, Parker, was, comparatively, "a breeze." Everything
that was so challenging and unique in bringing Piper into the world –
getting that third name on the birth certificate, winning over skeptical
lawyers and reproductive specialists, creating a parenting agreement – was
all effectively in place....
● And attorney Diana Adams posts (Oct. 1), "Thrilled to do an interview for Good Morning America today! Via video from Germany with unicorn slippers on! I spoke as Executive Director of Chosen Family Law Center, Inc. about 3-person co-parenting and the movement for tri-parent adoption! When the airdate is confirmed, I will post about it and certainly post video. Hooray for a major tv platform for family advocacy!"
By Michael Di Iorio
...It wasn’t until I moved into the Inner West that I learnt of its
ways, especially after moving in with a polyamorous couple.
Specifically, a polyamorous couple who occasionally did medieval
roleplay, sung sea shanties and were, for the most part, actors out of
...Let me introduce the pair that taught me all about love. My first
housemate, who has decided to operate under the pseudonym Wally Weegee,
is a bi badass who loves the colour purple, has two cats named Usidore
and Dorkus, and identifies as she/her and polyamorous.
My second housemate, who would like to be known as Bo Jangles, used to
work on pirate ships, has an affinity for medieval weaponry, and is
really damn tall. He identifies as he/him, and polyamorous.
Together the two operated as a dedicated four-person polycule at the
time, with each individual sometimes branching off with others here and
... So obviously I confided in the people who open up to more than just
one partner on a regular basis.
...Here is my first housemate, Wally Weegee.
“When I opened up to polyamory, it was kind of like a light had turned
on,” she said.
“I hadn’t changed, but the world around me became so much more open. I
was suddenly allowed to be myself, as cliche as it sounds.” ...
“I remember telling you that things can’t happen unless you say them,”
Wally told me. “You can’t skirt around the edge of things. You need to
find what you want and talk about it. It might be safer to think
something, but you have to actually say it if you want it to happen.”
...Next, I spoke to my second housemate, Bo Jangles.
“...My partner has always been my reassurance, my best friend, even my
psychologist, and through polyamory, I’ve had to re-learn some of that.
When you open up to more than one person, you learn to identify what you
need from each individual, and what you, in turn, can give to them as
“There are little conversations that can feel impossible, but you need
to have them.”...
● From Finland comes a new polycomic artist — new to most of us, anyway.
has been cartooning for some time. In the US her "My First Year of
on Erika Moen's "Oh Joy Sex Toy" Pinterest page and got noticed
this week by several sites with wider audiences.
She is a serious introvert. Several panels later the story takes a turn.
(And notice the Finnish architecture.)
That's it for Friday Polynews Roundup. Till next time.
Labels: children, Friday Polynews Roundup, kids, legal, poly parenting, polyfamilies, Sara Valta